Hospice

“Maria’s in the ICU.”

Shadow’s whole body broke in cold sweat as those words laid into his ears. Gerald was sheet white. The two ran through the steel corridors to the infirmary, the winding hallways feeling unending. Shadow could have ran ahead, used his shoes to boost his speed, but he couldn’t leave the old man behind. He never saw his creator so terrified.

The old man struggled for breath as they burst into the unit. Shadow felt his heart tear to shreds as he laid his eyes on the pale white child on the hospital bed. Her little body strung up to all manner of machinery, her skin clammy and almost transparent.

An olive-skinned nurse with deep brown hair met them at her bedside, “She has a fever of 103.5. We have been administering acetaminophen and IV fluids. All we can do now is just try to keep her cool to try and get her temp down.”

“She shouldn’t be sick. We have precautions in place to keep illness off the ARK.” Gerald’s jaw clenched as he talked to her.

“There was a bit of investigation, and we found that one of our cargo delivery crew called in sick… but that was after he dropped off supplies last.” Her pencil thin lips folded in.  

“Fuck! I am going to have him reported and fired!” The veins on his forehead throbbed.

Shadow ran to Maria’s side. A voice he refused to hear spoke, against his wishes in his head. Is this it? Am I going to have to watch her die? He trembled as he reached out for her, his gloved fingers clapping onto her little hand. It was so small compared to his. Those dainty little fingers, laid limp in his palm. “Maria? Can you hear me?” His voice cracked.

His voice was magic, pulling her just above the ocean of unconsciousness. Those ocean blue eyes flittered before landing tiredly on him, “Shadow.” She whispered.

Shadow’s eyes filled with tears. Shadow never let anyone see him cry, but this was the acceptance. His whole purpose for being was laying on a bed that he feared may become her death bed.

            Gerald sat on the other side of the bed across from Shadow. The look he gave Shadow felt different. That cold detached expression was gone. Instead, he looked at Shadow like he was pleading for help. Those eyes behind those thick glasses were grey. Grey, tired and desperate.

            “What is her white blood cell count?” Gerald asked the nurse.

            “It’s over twenty-five thousand, sir.”

            Gerald closed his eyes and grimaced.

            Typically, Maria’s disease kept her from producing a proper immune response causing the illness to wreak havoc. This time her immune response was over correcting. The last treatment Gerald performed on her was a product of Shadow’s DNA. He dissected a chain of DNA and molded it into mRNA. The intention was to train her biology to produce the correct immune cells. Somewhere along the way, Gerald must have made a mistake.

            Gerald doesn’t make mistakes. Shadow shook his head at the thought.

            After a few hours of treatment and drugs to kill her immune response, Maria began to arouse. She smiled at both Shadow and Gerald, comforted by their unwavering presence.

            The professor grasped his granddaughter’s hand with both of his own, “How are you feeling sweety?”

            “Very yucky. Everything hurts, grandfather.” Her eyes sunk deeper as she expressed her pain.

            “I’ll get you better. I promise. We just need to try something different. Another treatment.” He reached over and brushed her blond bangs out of her face. The hairs stuck to each other drenched in her sweat.

            “I don’t want to do another treatment. I want to go home. I want mommy and daddy.” She fussed.

            “You have to keep doing treatments. If you go home now, you will only get sicker.” He squeezed her hand.

            “I don’t care. I want mommy and daddy.” She cried, her face barely streaming tears before she sank back into exhaustion. She continued to pout demanding to go home and be with her dear parents.

            Gerald pulled his glasses off and buried his face in his hands. Shadow saw for a moment the tears the dripped down his face. “I promised them I would cure her. I promised her that I would cure her.” When he brought his face back up his silver eyes connected with Shadow’s and Shadow felt the broken soul underneath.

            They spoke without words. Shadow’s eyes drifted between the old man and the distressed child. Gerald just nodded.

            Shadow pushed Maria over in the bed so that he could climb in. It was difficult to navigate the various cords. Getting tangled in IV, oxygen cannula and monitor cords as he positioned himself. Once he was beside her, he lifted her onto his chest. The little girl buried herself into the white puff of fur. He was a pillow, a bed, a warm place of perfect comfort and love for the little one. Shadow’s heartbeat could be her lullaby in that position. He stripped his gloves so that he could run her fingers through her hair without the pleather to separate them.

            “I was wrong about you, Shadow. I was so afraid of what you could be, I never took the time to get to know you. You are so good to her. I know I can trust you to take care of her. Even if we can’t cure her, at least she had you.” Gerald’s expression was soft and genuine.

            Did his creator see him as a person? Did he deserve to be a person?

            Shadow wanted to ponder these things but the feeling of the little pulling on his chest fur brought him back to the moment. Love her, cherish her, take care of her, fulfill your purpose, he told himself.

 

            …

 

            <Tails POV>

 

            In those three days that Shadow was bedbound and monitored, it was difficult for him be mobile. I watched the way he struggled to walk. It was clear that the disease was taking a toll on his ability to bend his knees.

            “There’s no shame in needing a cane.” I suggested.

            “If you make me use a cane I will beat you with it.” He growled. His red eyes never lost their threating aura no matter how his health dragged him down.

            “You wouldn’t. Sonic would be upset, and you would feel guilty. Besides, a cane can be cool. I could have one custom made for you.”

            “Whatever.” He slumped back into the bed next to his sleeping partner. Sometimes it felt like both of them were my patients, rather than just Shadow. Then again, I did care for Sonic from time to time. But he rarely got sick or injured. I guess grief can count as an illness. My world was heavy and difficult but every time I looked at my best friend, I could see the crushing weight of the earth he had been dragging around on his weary shoulders. When you have spent your whole life looking up to someone and see them that hopeless, it makes it hard to feel any hope. But you do your best for them, and that’s what I told myself to do.

            Shadow got himself comfortable and I prepared the IV with the next round of treatment. It was a mix of the mRNA treatment that I set up for him weeks ago. I managed to reconstruct it with a better bonding agent. The hope is that it lasted longer and didn’t encourage the disease as much as the last attempt did.

            As I inserted the pick line, I watched Shadow’s eye fall grave. He looked over Sonic sleeping beside him and then back up to me.

            His eyes were a tomb, and that piercing red could have dragged me into that tomb with him. Then his expression softened ever so slightly, the corners of his lips pulling up in a pained twist, “I’m not going to make it to the end of the summer.”

            I furrowed my brow.

            He smiled in a way that looked like agony, “I know I promised Sonic I would stay for as long as he needs me too, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m not afraid to die, I just can’t stand what this disease is taking from me. I’m supposed to be unstoppable, invincible, now I am withering away, weak and miserable. And it’s just going to get worse.”

            “I feel like you are gearing up to ask me something.” I joined him in that grave feeling.

            “I… I need your help. I need this to end on my terms. I have spent most of my life being told who to be, how to live. Gerald, GUN, Black Doom, even Ivo felt the need to have a say in it. And if Rouge is really onto something and GUN did intentionally sabotage me… I don’t want anyone else to have a say in how I die, especially not this disease.”

            “It’s about control.” I pursed my lips.

            “It’s always been about control.” His face softened. He seemed to relax as he realized I wasn’t judging him.

            Shadow looked back at Sonic, “I don’t know if he will understand. I’m trying to get him to a comfortable place. I don’t want to leave him broken. The world still needs him, our kids need him. I’m still wearing the ring he gave me. I think he understands what I am asking of him by wearing it. If he can have some control over this, it should give him some closure.”

            I sat on the bed beside him as the IV fluids flowed into his blood stream. My tails draped over Shadow’s legs. I took a deep breath as I prepared to confront it, “You’re asking me to help you die?”

            “Yes,” His voice was both pained and flat.

            I took a deep breath and switched on my doctor mind, silencing my friend mind, “Well, I did find that while working with your gene structures and the diseased cells that their may be a way I can stop your healing factor all together. It was a passing consideration, but I shelved it hoping that we could work something else out.”

            “If it’s too much of an ask, I can accept help from someone else in your medical team. So long as I know you are over seeing it.” His eyes sad barely open.

            “No, I can make it happen. If you feel safer with me putting the drug together then I can do it. You deserve to have peace and control in this.”

            Sonic shifted in the bed, his mouth handing open as he rolled onto his back. Shadow and I jolted both fearing he was awake to hear our conversation.

            “We can keep this secret.” He sighed after realizing Sonic was still asleep, “I’m not ready to tell him yet.” Then he smiled at me, “Thanks for everything. I couldn’t have asked for a better doctor.”    

            I wanted to say it was no problem, but my mind was panicking. Returning Shadow’s smile I sank into the overwhelming discomfort. I’m not sure if he saw it in me or not.

…             

I held Shadow’s hand while Tails removed the PICC line. Shadow winced as the cord pulled out of his front shoulder. He looked at me lovingly with those rubies, they had their glow back. Overall Shadow looked so much better after those treatments. We shared a kiss after the insertion point was bandaged, and I drank him in. I loved it when he put my bottom lip between his. It was like fitting into a glove, so warm and safe.

            When we pulled out of the kiss, Tails crossed his arms at us, “I am still here.” He fussed.

            “We aren’t making out.” Shadow snorted. He slung his legs over the side of the bed.

            “How has walking been going?”  Tails pondered, “I did still get you that cane in case the treatment didn’t fix it.”

            “I don’t need a cane.” Shadow growled. He got up from the spot and fought for the next few steps, leaning against the wall as he made his way to the door.

            “You need the cane.” Tails grabbed it from behind the dresser.

            Shadow squinted his eyes and sneered at it as he leaned his back against the wall. It was black with a green emerald carved into the head of it and gold accents throughout.

            “A green Chaos Emerald?” Shadow glared.

            “I suppose you don’t have to use it.” Tails shrugged

            “Oh no,” Shadow snatched the cane out of his hands, his movements forceful and angry “I am using it.” He put the cane in both hands and lifted it above his head, muscles tensed and ready to swing. Tails shrunk back, arms raised to protect himself. Shadow’s eyes gleamed with pure sadism, until he heard Tails squeak. Then he dropped the cane and broke into laughter, “You actually thought I was going to do it. Feels good to know I still scare you, fox.” Shadow laughed until his eyes watered. Once he had his fill of entertainment, he put the cane to the floor and balanced himself on it.

            Tails fumed, his face flushed with both frustration and embarrassment. Then he watched Shadow walk away using the cane without a complaint.

            “You’re not mad about it?” He asked as Shadow reached the door.

            “I’m mad, but it is what it is. I appreciate the gesture, but really? A green Chaos Emerald?” He looked back.

            “I thought it was your favorite emerald?” Tails defended himself.

            Shadow didn’t deny it. He just continued his path out to the living room. I followed him. Once we were there, we both crashed out on the couch facing each other. Shadow sat and toyed with the cane, feeling the weight of it, “I suppose a cane can be cool.” He smirked.

            “It makes you look esteemed.” I smiled.

            “I do have a pair of readers around here somewhere.” Shadow searched the end table and found them. Shadow often spent his days held up on the couch reading, it was just easier to keep those glasses there. He slid the little square glasses with copper frames onto his face.

            “Listen here sonny. You need to respect your elders.” Shadow put on his best old man voice, and pointed the cane at me, “When I was your age, they shoved me in the tube when I misbehaved. That’s the problem with kids these days, no discipline.”

            I couldn’t resist laughing at his bit. It felt good to smile a bit for a change.

            “What? I’m over seventy years old. This is me now. Call me grandpa.” He continued his bit.

            The two of us cackled like a couple of idiots until Tails joined us. The fox sat himself down in the rocking chair and positioned it to look directly at us, “Not to put a damper on your fun, but I think it’s better we talk about it now instead of putting it off any longer. Have you considered getting on hospice?”

            My heart clenched. Shadow furrowed his brow, “Hospice?” he asked.

            “We are not talking about hospice now. He is not on his death bed, why are you brining this up?” I felt my defenses come up, sharp and jagged.

            Tails sighed, “Hospice isn’t just for right when someone is on their death bed. It can actually help prolong Shadow’s life. It’s about focusing on comfort rather than curative measures.”

            “How is it supposed to prolong his life?” I felt hurt that Tails would even bring this up.

            “If we are focused on his comfort than he can focus on having a quality life. We could get access to drugs that would otherwise be denied us, such a simi-legal substances. And I am sure if Shadow has a quality life, he wouldn’t be so quick to kick the bucket,” Tails glared at Shadow.

            Shadow’s eyes shot wide, and he shrugged, “Don’t look at me like that.”

            Tails rolled his eyes and rested his elbows on his knees.

            “Like what kind of simi-legal substances are we talking about.” Shadow crossed his arms, cane still in hand.

            “There are forms of catnip that are bred for medical purposes. It can help with your poor appetite and ease the migraines.” Tails sat up.

            “I always thought catnip was more of a party drug.” Shadow scoffed, “Okay, I can get on board with that. What else does hospice have?”

            “Well, I could also get you on some stronger pain medications. And bereavement counseling for Sonic.”

            I growled when he said that. Tails just looked over to me with a slight hint of surprise. Then he returned to his list, “And if necessary, I can have Cherry come visit you guys and help out. She can continue to provide treatments to Shadow and manage his medication regimen. Speaking of which, I have some new prescriptions for you.” Tails pulled a paper out of his doctor’s coat pocket.

            Shadow sat the cane down on the couch and leaned over with annoyance as he grabbed the paper from him. His eyes scanned over the list, “You are a pain in my ass, you know that? What the hell is all this supposed to do?” He gestured a hand at it.

            “Medications to help with the tremors, prolong your memory, stuff like that.” Tails leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs.

            Shadow squinted his eyes at the paper, “I hate everything.”

            I breathed past the stress I was feeling, “Cherry, she’s that pink mouse nurse from the clinic, isn’t she?”

            “Yeah, I hired her from a hospice agency. She’s free later today if you two want to talk to her more about it. Once the paperwork is filled out, I can start in on getting all of that set up for you guys.”

            I grumbled at Tails’ words, “I suppose we can talk to her.”

            There was a rumble of a vehicle outside our house. Shadow sat the paper down and we anticipated the coming chaos. Maria and Zeph tore into the house, “Daddy!” They ran up to Shadow. Maria climbed onto his lap while Zeph clung to his leg.

            Amy came in after them with Jade in her arms, shutting the door behind her, “Feeling a lot better, I take it?”

            “A lot better.” Shadow’s expression was so soft and bright.

            Zeph clambered over the couch and found the cane, “What’s this?” He picked it up and held it out to Shadow.

            “It’s a cane. Dr. Prower gave me the wrong medication and turned me into an old man. Check it out.” Shadow took the cane and returned to his old man bit, “You see, when I was your age, we didn’t have no fancy colors on our TV. And I used to listen to the Red Sox games on the radio.”

            “You can’t listen to red socks.” Maria giggled.

            “These kids are hopeless.” Shadow chuckled.

 

…

            Later that day Cherry came to visit to discuss hospice with us. It was nice to visit with her again, she was always so friendly and bubbly. She had us sign paperwork. It wasn’t a problem until she asked if Shadow wanted to sign a DNR.

            The color ran out of my face as I looked over to him.

            “I know it’s hard for you to accept that I am at peace with it, but I am.” His lip pulled up in just the faintest of smiles, “If it gets to that point, I would only be a corpse being forced to live. When my heart stops, it stops. That’s it.”

            “It feels like you are trying to kill me.” I leaned into him.

            He sighed and took the paper from her and signed, “I’m sorry, babe.”  

            He leaned back on the couch and pulled me in. I buried myself in his chest fur. I pressed my ear to it and listened to the beat. He said when, not if. Eventually that heart would stop beating and I wouldn’t be able to hear it anymore. A heart that at times only beat for me. I sunk in and clenched onto the moment till my knuckles were white.

            He shushed me and ran his fingers through my quills, “You are the bravest hedgehog I know. I love you so much.”  

 

…

 

            July 10^th, I love you because you gave me reason to believe in myself.

            My whole life I was told to be a weapon, to be used for others gain. When I fought alongside you to save the world from the ARK, that was the first time I considered that I could be something more than what I was told to be. Honestly, I think I saw myself in you, who I could be. That day, I was willing to die if it meant the world was safe. I should have never survived that, but I am glad I did. I wasn’t just fulfilling Maria’s final wish; I was choosing who to be. I didn’t want you to know it then, but I looked up to you. I still do. To the point where I always wondered if I was simply that, your shadow. But you showed me that I am so much more than that. I have put on this tough guy facade for so long, but you never once believed it. I love you for that, and I always will. This is my last love note. As I promised, I would quit writing these when the roses stopped blooming. This was the last rose I found.

            Forever and Always, Shadow

 

            My tears came dangerously close to ruining the letter. Shadow handed me the rose. It was small and spindly, a soft baby pink. It was wilted a bit from the summer heat. It had been bone dry the past week and they were warning that it was becoming a drought.

            The rose, it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t put together like the others had been and far from the pristine roses that you would find in a store, but I took that rose and savored it. Soft, fragrant, beautiful just as it is.

            I fit my head under Shadows chin, and he held me, “I could still get you that keepsake box,” he said.

 

…

 

            The next week was simply getting accustomed to the changes. Shadow needed more help and he was stubborn about receiving it, whether it was having to be reminded of things, filling in blanks in his memory, or making sure that the home was easier to get around in. Every time we had to make new accommodations, I saw the light drain from his eyes. One of those days, I saw him sitting at the side of the bed looking at the pill bottles that had accumulated.

            Orange and green bottles of all different sizes. I watched him flatten his ears and sulk. When he caught me spying on him, he looked up at me. I saw he was holding the bottle of Oxy in his hand. His eyes were as dull as slate. I recognized that look. Even as an immortal he still had his self-destructive tendencies. I remembered when we started dating, he had such a twisted sense of humor about it. He once got called into a mission with GUN that he was dreading doing and put a gun to his head. When I freaked out, he was quick to reassure me that he wouldn’t actually die. Needless to say, he never pulled that stunt again.

            Knowing what we know now, if he did do it, it would have killed him.

            I sat down beside him and gave him a knowing look. He sat the bottle down and smirked at me, “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I’m still wearing the ring.”

            Then his eyes drifted away from me. The weight in his gaze could have crushed everything in its wake, “I’m pathetic. This whole thing is humiliating.”

            “You’re not pathetic. This hasn’t changed who you are.” I rested a hand on his knee.

            “I’m not afraid to die. But I feel like I should have already died. This isn’t me, I’m not the same, and I can’t go back. How am I supposed to enjoy the time I have left when I feel like this?” His voice twinged, “Talk about taking life for granted. I didn’t think I would ever be this weak.”

            “Shadow,” I rolled my head back in frustration, “You don’t want to look for a cure. You don’t want to be immortal. You are telling me that you don’t want to die, yet. You are suffering. What the hell do you want? You are putting me through absolute agony.”

            “I don’t know. I can’t even think straight enough to figure that out right now.” Then he turned back to me with a wry smile, “I do know one thing, I want you.”

            “I hate you.” I glared at him

…

            Another week passed and things fell into their new rhythm. There wasn’t a moment that Shadow and I didn’t spend tied to each other. Shadow discovered that he really likes catnip, it definitely helped with his energy levels, and he was more engaged with us. He would often sneak off to the garage to spend a few moments alone and smoke. But I always had a hard time leaving him alone. He had me a lost puppy begging for his attention. It was a strange kind of cruel co-dependence. But Shadow was as Shadow was and wanted to have at least a little time alone.  

            One night, I caved and went in after him into the garage. The pungent smell of the smoke left me choking for a bit before I adjusted to it.

            “Are you hot boxing yourself in here?” I laughed at him.

            Shadow sat on the floor by the wall looking over his custom crafted motorcycle. That bike had not left the garage since April. But all that time he would still come into the garage and make sure it was polished. Even if he couldn’t drive it he would start the engine just to hear it roar and know that it’s working.

            Sleek black, chrome bumpers and red accents. He even painted the Black Arms logo on the chassis. This was probably his eighth bike since he started driving them. He always had a bad habit of crashing them or losing them. Don’t ask me how you lose a motorcycle.

            “She’s just a beautiful as the day we met.” He gazed lovingly at the bike, joint in hand, “Her and I had been through some shit. Black Doom thought he could make me question my identity by dumping me into another dimension, but I had Belladona here with me and she was the best company I could have asked for.”

            “You were gone for six months. I was genuinely worried you weren’t coming back. That was scarry.” I reeled at the memory as I joined him.

            “You want some?” He offered the joint to me.

            “Nah, I’m good. It’s for you not me.” I waved the smoke away.

            “Are you sure? It’s good stuff. I tried weed before and it doesn’t do shit. Now this stuff is where it’s at. Maybe weed is just a human thing.” He placed it between his lips and took another puff. Then he exhaled the smoke, and I made a face at it. His eyes were foggy, and his expression was both blissful and stupid as he continued to prod me, “Come on, whatever happened to living in the moment? You would like this. You might not get to try it ever again.” He elbowed me, “Entirely non-addictive, I swear.”

            As I watched him grin and lazily blink his eyes, my curiosity got the better of me, “Okay, I’ll try it.” I took it from him and grumbled under my breath, “Pear pressuring mother fucker.”

            Putting it to my mouth I took in a breath and the smoke filled my lungs. It burned going in and I pulled the joint away hacking and coughing.

            “Oh yeah, that will happen the first time you smoke. You know what else is shit? Nicotine, tried it, hated it.” He took the joint back.

            The feeling was instantaneous. My head fuzzed and my vision distorted, “Damn that’s hard.”

            “I know right? Oh, and I am sure it’s hitting hard for you especially, this is the first time you’ve tried this shit.” He took another puff on it, this time drawing as hard as his lungs would allow.    

            He pushed the smoke out of his nose, making himself look like a billowing dragon. Then he hissed and grabbed at his nose, “Fuck that burns, why did I think that was a good idea?”

            “Because you’re baked.” I laughed.

            We sat and chatted the conversation flowing from his undiagnosed PTSD to me making jokes about him having “daddy issues”. He threw back at me that I have mommy issues. I couldn’t deny that he had a point. I had to be honest with myself and him that I never got any closure for that. The longer we spent in that garage, the more I noticed his sadness at looking over his beloved bike.

            “Remember our first date?” I asked.

            “The memory is spotty. I think what sticks out to me is how much of a baby you were. I wanted to take you on a ride, and you kept making excuses. Stuff about running and Chaos powers and whatnot.”

            “I thought it was dumb that you rode a motorcycle everywhere. Why waste your time on a bike when you can just run at the speed of sound? It wasn’t until you convinced me to get on that I got it. It’s freeing, just to sit back and let the wheels do the moving. When you run, you have to think about every bit of where you are and how you are getting there. Riding on the back with you, I was able to just watch the world go by. Really let go and enjoy the moment.” I reminisced. It was like I was back in the moment, overcome with nostalgia.

            “I miss that. I used to take summers off and do nothing but ride. I’ve been all over this continent with a bike at some point.” He put out the rest of the joint on the cement floor, “You aren’t to fried, are you?”

            “I don’t think so.” I blinked to focus my eyes, “Why you ask?”

            “I was wondering if you would feel comfortable taking Bella for a spin. I could show you how, it’s not that hard once you get her going. I just need to feel the wind in my quills again.” His expression sank into forlorn.

            “I can handle it. But you’re wearing the helmet this time.” I got myself off the floor.

            “Helmet, shmelmet,” He fussed, giving me those lazy eyes.

            “You’re wearing it.” I grabbed his hand and helped him to his feet, “You aren’t immortal anymore and I want to keep you for as long as possible.”

            “What about you?” He rubbed his face once he was standing, struggling to be present.

            “It’s your fault for only having one helmet. And if I die in a crash, at least I don’t have to watch you die anymore.” I snorted.

            “Don’t joke about it. Just because I’m dying doesn’t mean you get to.”

            I grabbed the helmet off the work bench and shoved it on his head before he could complain anymore.

            “The point was to feel the wind in my quills, I can’t do that with this thing on.” He yanked the helmet back off.

            “Keep this up and we are definitely not going on that ride,” I forced him to put the helmet back on.

            I hit the button to open the garage door and let the warm night air soak into the smoke filled room, “I don’t think I’m as okay to drive as I thought.” I confessed.

            “You’ll be fine, I got the Chaos damn helmet on. Just stay out of town and we should be good.” He climbed onto the bike.

            I grabbed the bike key off the hook by the bench, “It’s our funeral.”

            “Being suicidal is my thing, not yours.” He played with the throttle for a moment before sliding back onto the seat so I could get on.

            “Well, you made this monster.” I got on and slid the key in.

            Shadow grabbed around my waist and held me for a bit.

            “Just a reminder, I have never driven a bike before. You have to show me what to do.” I turned the key and the engine roared to life, the vibration jolting us and easing into a soothing chug.

            Shadow pointed out the features, how to turn the throttle, how to turn the breaks, and reminded me that the hardest part would be finding my balance. I got my feet up on the stands and twisted the throttle. We shot out and I immediately panicked.

            “Relax, you got to trust yourself on this. Trust Bella, she will be good to you.” He rubbed my back before sinking back into holding me.

            A few false starts later we were rolling. It had been a long time since I even rode, getting the hang of the balance and coordination took a bit of effort. The muscles in my back reminded me of that fact.  

            Before we even got out of town Shadow decided to be a disobedient pain in my ass and take the helmet off anyway. Once we were stopped at an intersection, he tossed it and tucked his head over my shoulder.

            “I’m being an idiot, and you can’t stop me,” He kissed my neck.

            “Well, if you are going to be an idiot, so will I.” I pulled on the throttle and sent us flying faster than before. I tore into the speed enough to send us a hundred miles per hour. Bella really showed her power, the world blurring past us in streaks as we blazed through the countryside.

   Soon we were speeding through the winding highways. The night air called and asked us to play. The wind in my quills, it was a familiar feeling from running, but having Shadow clung to me and the road before us it was so much more. This was freedom. Rolling into the night with no direction in mind, just endless stretches and endless night. The moon was a smile, a wink in the expanse of sky that acknowledged our antics. And I adored every moment.

The lights of Central City painted the sky orange where the clouds hovered. Shadow clenched onto me so tight that I felt like he was trying to split me in half. But I loved it

            We kept it up for most of the night. A few times I found someone to race, and we beat them every time. I think most of them recognized who we were and were intimidated by us. But as the night wore on, I lost track of everything. It was like the ride had paused time for us and as long as we were on that bike, the pain and stress of our lives was gone. That was until the bike sputtered and slowed us to a stop.

            “Did we just run out of gas?” Shadow grumbled.

            “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking at the gas gauge.” I blushed as I set the bike up on the kick stand.

            “We are in Chaos damn, middle of nowhere and you ran us out of gas.” Shadow exasperated.

            “That’s on you, you wanted to go for a ride, and you trusted me to drive. You know how spacy I am, and I told you that I wasn’t all their after smoking that junk.”  

            Shadow got off the bike and struggled to make his way to the side off the road. I ran after him and the both of us wound up on the ground together.

            Shadow just burst into laughter, “We are a couple of idiots.”

            “Amy always did say that we were two halves of the same idiot.” I laughed with him.

         “Look at her, you ran my poor baby out of gas. I can’t trust you with shit.” He waved a hand at the stationary bike.

         “I’m sticking with my claim; this is your fault. I’m calling Tails to pick us up.”

         Shadow held his head in his hands, “What time is it?”

         I looked at my phone, “It’s like, three thirty in the morning.”

         “Fuck. No wonder I feel like shit again.” He slumped.

         It took a few calls to get Tails’ attention. He grumbled about us but obliged to come get us and the bike in his truck. Shadow and I just waited there helpless, on the side of the road.

            As the time went by, I found the high of the night wearing away. All that was left was my weary love in my arms and the bike engine turning cold on the side of the highway. The moonlight glinted off its sleek black polish. Something about it left me aching.

            Soon Shadow’s head was fully in my lap and his eyes fought to stay awake. It was like he was desperate, just for a few more minutes of consciousness, “It’s not fair,” He murmured as I brushed my fingers along the curves of his face, “You make life fun. I will be honest, I don’t want to leave you.” His eyes shown with so much warmth and affection but as they did he sank back into that dreary exhaustion, “But no matter what, death was always going to separate us one day.”

         It wasn’t easy for me to hear, but he was right. How much time did he spend thinking about the inevitable? I had no response, only to show him my love. We kissed under that moonlit glow, the ominous luminescence of night, and in the midst of the breezy late July air. I could pour my heart into him through my lips, but was it enough?

            He drifted off to sleep, making the kiss into a goodnight kiss. How many more goodnight kisses did we have left?  

 

           

            The next day, Shadow was much more despondent. Our conversations became shorter and his ability to focus seemed gone entirely. Each time it happened; he grew more withdrawn.

            I tried to comfort myself. It was just a bad day was all. It was bound to happen…

            After watching him put his book down after struggling to get through a chapter, a type of book that he usually consumed in one sitting, the reality sunk in. It’s all downhill from here, isn’t it?

            It was the time of day that Shadow usually took the kids out to the yard and played with them, as much as his body would allow him the energy for. They would typically throw a ball around or Shadow would just enjoy watching them chase each other and get caught up in their imaginary worlds with them.

I had just managed to sit down on the rocking chair to fold laundry when Maria did her usual prance as she ran into the living room to wake Shadow.  He was napping on the couch, his usual perch.

“Daddy, I want you to be the fairy this time.” She crouched on the floor so that she was eye to eye with him.

            I had never seen that look in his eyes before. The only way I could describe it was as if he was looking through murky water at her. He tossed over and rubbed his eyes before looking at her, the expression twisting into confusion.

            “Dad? I’m not a dad. Who are you?” He shook his head as he sat up.

            “I’m Maria?” She tilted her head, somewhere between confusion and humor.

            “You’re not Maria.” His eyes dodged around the room. There was a flicker in his eyes that revealed a bit of fear.

              “Shadow? She’s our daughter.” I spoke trying to hold back my own panic.

            “We have a daughter…” He whispered to himself before his eyes landed on me. Those rubies tore into straight agony. It was as if we had struck the same wavelength, the pain tearing through my chest at the realization of what was happening.

            “I don’t remember…” His chest rose and fell before he turned back to her, “I am so sorry sweety. You’re my daughter. You’re so beautiful.” He held her face in his hands.

            The poor little hoglet looked so uncomfortable. It scared me, I had no clue how to react or if there was any way I could make it better.

            It was that uneasy look in her eyes that caused him to pull away. As soon as he did, she ran over to me. The look he gave me as I brought her in for comfort was the same look he gave me when he was holding that bottle of Oxy. We didn’t need to talk for me to read his mind. He just reached down for the ring around his neck and rubbed it between his fingers before getting up and leaving us to go back to our room.

            “I’m sorry I’m putting you guys through this.” His voice graveled before he disappeared.

            “Why doesn’t Daddy Shadow remember?” She nuzzled me in the crook of my neck.

            “He’s just feeling really sick today, is all. He still loves you.” I held her close.

 

…

 

            Shadow being depressed wasn’t new, but I never feared for him the way I did then. In fact, since we had the kids, I had never seen him sulk this hard. The most difficult thing was seeing the way he looked at that ring. But when he saw me, he always hid that expression. It was like watching him put on a mask every time.

            I had my usual tricks to get him out of that slump. Get him outside, give him affection, remind him that I’m someone he could vent to.

            He had no interest in doing anything other than laying in bed.

            Affection did very little to change his mood.

            And what I feared he would say to me if I let him vent… I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t even want to consider the thought that he was in that low of a place. Not when his life was already so fragile.

            Two days of this passed before an idea occurred to me, “Maybe a night out with Rouge would do the trick?” I slid into the bed next to him.

            “What’s the point?” He buried his head under the covers, “How can I enjoy anything when I just forget about it. I can’t live like this.”

            “Shadow, don’t talk like that.” My eyes drifted half closed in a mixture of torment.

            “You are so overprotective.” He added a pillow over his head to hide further.

            I found a nerve I could strike, “Overprotective? Okay, never mind recommending that you go out and do something incredibly dangerous, with two people who have very little interest in taking precautions.”

            He pulled the pillow away and poked his head out to give me a quizzical expression.

            “It would be oh so dangerous if you, Rouge and Omega decided to… I don’t know… ruin someone’s day in the worst way possible. Someone who deserves it. I could never just shove you out into that hostile world with so little regard to your safety. I definitely think your happiness is less important than you coming home in one piece. I want to keep you around for as long as possible.” I drenched my voice in as much sarcasm as I possibly could.

            “You are a straight pain in my ass, you know that?” He shot up out of the covers and sat up.

            “It’s working, isn’t it?” I smiled.

            “Yes, and I resent it.” He sneered.

            “If that wasn’t enough, I got something else for you. I don’t care what this disease is doing to your mind, you are still you. And if anyone knows that it’s you. When you had amnesia, did you just decide you were going to give up? Why should this be any different? You are Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Lifeform. And you told me yourself that this disease isn’t going to take that from you. And if that doesn't convince you to get your depressive sorry ass out of bed, I will call Rouge and have her drag you out of bed and force you to have some fun.”

            “Now you are just playing dirty,” He gave a wry smile, “Fine, I will call her, and we will make plans. You’re right. I’m not going to just roll over and give up, that’s not who I am.”

When Rouge came to pick him up later it was hard for me to let him go. I half wondered if he would try to get himself killed. As I reminded myself about the ring once more, I thought maybe this is why Shadow chose to have a symbol like that, for my comfort, knowing what was to come.

I don’t think it comforted me as much as he wanted it to. I kissed him and held him close before sending him off on his adventure. My heart twinged watching Rouge’s convertible roll away.

Amy suggested that we have a game night with the kids. I wasn’t sure if Zeph could handle video games, but the idea was appealing enough to see how things went. We moved the coffee table and laid out blankets and pillows on the floor. Maria had the room lined with her stuffies. Zeph wanted to build a fort, but lost interest halfway through when I tried to help him. I ended up doing the rest on my own. Jade mastered crawling a few day’s prior and was content on chewing on the ear of one of the plush creatures while we set everything up. Amy provided us with a wonderful spread of junk food and snacks. She wasn’t much of a video game player, but she enjoyed watching us get into it. Overall, it could have been the perfect evening in.

I put on a racing game and the kids ate it up. I had to help Zeph most of the time and Maria wanted to be little miss independent, despite running off the track constantly. It didn’t matter that they had no clue what they were doing, just that they were having fun, and they did.

Video games turned into Maria wanting to do crafts, but she only colored on a piece of paper for a minute before passing out on the plush blankets of our fort. Amy got Jade down for bed, while I struggled to get Zeph chilled out long enough to get him settled for the night. Once everyone was settled I returned to the living room to clean up.

I looked over the space once everything was back in form. The thought nagged me. I could have turned back, went to bed and not thought about it. But the question remained echoing in my skull. What if he never came home? 

That was the first time I pictured a life without him. Even with Amy still in the kitchen cleaning, everything felt so empty.

Her nonchalance, while I was swirling into a torrent, felt so alienating. I was so tired of how chill everyone else seemed to be. It was like I was carrying the weight of every bit of grief on my own shoulders. I just wanted to not feel anything anymore. 

The couch where he always laid. I curled myself up on it. The smell of his musky cologne settled into my nostrils. The book he had been reading was still laying out on the coffee table. I grabbed that book and felt it, the feathery well worn pages from multiple reads. Even the book smelled of him. That rich earthy pheromone that I was addicted to.

Amy put the last of the dishes away and found me on the couch. Her soft eyes connected with mine with depth and empathy, “Are you okay?” She asked.

“No, but I’ll survive. Don’t worry about me. I’m just going to stay up and wait for Shadow to get home.” I held the book to my chest.

“Okay, but if you need to talk, you know I’m here.” She gave a feeble smile. 

“I don’t think talking about it will help me right now.” I grumbled.

Amy left me there and got herself ready for bed. I settled into the odd place between longing and emptiness. I thought about all of the places I typically saw Shadow around the house. How empty would it feel whe... When he’s gone?

I swallowed and buried my emotions.

My emotional turmoil subsided into an all consuming numb. One that allowed me to embrace the tactile sensations of holding onto my love. How much longer did I have to continue trudging through this hell? 

The numb seemed to be enough to let me drift into my memories. How much had our relationship changed over the years? Shadow found me the most annoying thing in the world when I was a teenager. I will admit his annoyance only encouraged me to try new ways to get under his skin. At some point, I think I left him so irritable that all I had to do was stand in his general vicinity for him to bristle and glare at me.

At some point I grew up. You know how they say that when boys pick on you it means they like you and don’t know how to express their feelings, that was definitely us. But it was the moments of compassion and connection that brought us closer together.

He was there for me when I got cursed to be a werehog, he made me feel like I was still desirable.

I was there for him when Infinite sought revenge against him. I snorted at the thought, the whole war was just an elaborate illusion meant to torment us.

It wasn’t long after that he decided to propose to me. At the time I was convinced that I didn’t care about being married. But he told me that what happened with Infinite changed his mind about our relationship. Yes, he was immortal, and yes, he anticipated that our time together would be short, but losing me like that, being unsure if he was going to get me back, made him realize that he wanted to give me a relationship the way any mortal relationship would be like. Even if it hurts him to get that close, it would be worth it for us to have that depth of devotion to each other.

That absolute romantic sap. I hated him for it. And yet I savored the memories. The brambles that had been growing in my mind now strangled me, but somewhere in the brambles, I found roses. Bright beautiful red roses, as beautiful and vibrant as those rubies. The ones I fell in love with as a teen, the ones I cherished on our wedding night, the ones I chased around this whole wide world without a care.

He wasn’t even gone yet, and I missed him.

The door handle clicked a bit before it came wide open. Shadow hobbled in, having to use the cane more than usual, but it felt good to see him. Rouge was about to enter when I heard her yelling at Omega, reminding him that he was too big to fit in the house.

I sat up, and put the book back down on the coffee table. Shadow’s playful tired eyes met mine before he found a spot on the couch. He reeked of smoke, the tang of electrical fire and burning rubber, and his fur was tattered and filthy. Rouge appeared to be in the same shape. Her white fur, now a shade of grey. 

“Omega, drop it. I told you to leave that thing back at the base.” Rouge’s voice came from the door.

She walked into the house with her face twisted with frustration and appearing like she could have a mental snap at any moment. Her eyes were bright and searing and her lips pulled tight as she shut the door behind her.

“What is he doing?” I asked her.

“Omega had a brilliant idea while we were trashing the Doctor’s home base. Speaking of which, I have never seen his face turn that shade of red before,” Shadow smiled with pride as he leaned against my shoulder.  

Rouge huffed, “Omega found a Shadow android and thinks that Shadow should transfer his soul over to the droid. I told him no.”

“I’m not a fan of the idea, but I understand his thinking.” Shadow continued to slump, “I suppose I am artificial. What would the difference be between what I am now and a robot?”

“A lot of things.” I fumed.

“I’m not actually going to do it.” His eyes widened with annoyance “It’s just interesting seeing how Omega is trying to handle all of this. His perspective is… interesting, to say the least.” Shadow sighed.

A sharp clatter of shattering glass sent all of us jumping. Omega had an arm stretched through the window with the android hanging from his grasp. It was red, black and sleek. The exact shape and size of Shadow.

“Omega, what the hell!?” Rouge stomped.

Shadow was laughing his ass off at it. I was in shock. My house! He smashed through my living room window! I winced thinking about how much it was going to cost to replace that window. The worst part was seeing that mechanical monstrosity that was a mockery of my husband. It was like witnessing some strange corpse of him just dangling mid air. 

Omega’s bright red eyes shown through the window, “THIS WAS NOT THE TOP MODEL BUT WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE UPGRADES.”

“No, we are not putting my husband in a robot!” I gritted my teeth at it. I felt sick just thinking about it. Turning my love into a machine felt like some cruel joke. I understood Omega was a robot, but what on earth made him think that this was an okay thing to suggest? 

“YOU ARE JUST RACIST AGAINST ROBOTS.” His voice droned through the jagged glass, “IMAGINE HOW EFFICIENT AND POWERFUL SHADOW WILL BE.”

“A machine body will never compare to what my original form was. It’s a hard pass, buddy.” Shadow shook his head at the mechanical form of himself. 

If a robot could sound sad, Omega certainly did then, “IT IS CLEAR THAT FLESH BAGS ARE INFERIOR. WHY WOULD YOU TURN DOWN THIS IMPROVEMENT ON YOUR EXISTENCE?"

“It wouldn’t really be me. I could consider it, but I would be giving up who I am on a fundamental basis.” Shadow gave Omega the deepest of empathetic looks. How is it that Shadow could sound so sad and calming at the same time? 

It was as if his eyes flickered showing a deeper hue. Emotionless, eyes showing something more behind them, “I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND MUCH ABOUT ORGANICS, BUT I UNDERSTAND ONE THING AND THAT IS FRIENDS. YOU ARE MY FRIEND SHADOW AND I INTENDED TO KEEP YOU AS MY COMPANION FOR AS LONG AS MY PROCESSORS RUN. PLEASE RECONSIDER MY OFFER.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just not something I’m willing to do.” Shadow looked so exhausted by the exchange. They must have been going back and forth about this for a while.

Rouge exasperated, “Please, just clean up this mess and get rid of that thing. None of us want it here.” 

“Hold up.” Shadow held up a finger, “How about this, you can put the droid in the garage. It might come in handy.” 

Omega’s eyes dimmed and he pulled the droid out of the window. He stomped off and we heard the clanging of him dropping the bot by the garage door. When he returned he transformed his arm into a vacuum cleaner hose and began cleaning the glass off the floor. 

The muscles in my face twitched at the overwhelming stress, “You are replacing that window too.” 

Rouge let loose a groan before collecting herself and changing tone, “Trashing the base was the fun part, but the real reason I wanted into that facility was for information. You have a laptop I can plug this into?” She waved a USB drive in her hand.

I scrunched my eyes in confusion, “Sure, I can get you a laptop.”

We didn’t use it often. It was something that Shadow used to take with him on the business side of his GUN missions. He kept it on the top of his bookshelves in the office, out of the way of grabby little hands. I ran and retrieved it for Rouge, setting it down on the coffee table and watching her plug the drive in.

The screen blinked, revealing a black warning screen with white words.  

HIGHLY CLASSIFIED

MUST HAVE CLEARANCE CREDENTIALS TO ACCESS FILES.

“Screw this business.” She sneered at it. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, with a speed that could only be acquired from decades of hacking and computer coding. There were times where I wondered if she could rival Tails in computer smarts.

There were several other screens before a white screen appeared with black and white pictures of various scientists and doctors.  

“There it is, the full list of all personnel assigned to Project Shadow.” She put on a smug face.

“Why would Eggman have that?” I pondered.

“What I discovered while investigating GUN is that I wasn’t the only one who was looking for more information on Project Shadow. It seems that the Doctor had his curiosities even up until the last several years. Possibly wanting more information on his family’s legacy? He is incredibly old now and only has Sage and Metal to carry on what he has built. Maybe he wondered if something about Shadow could pass on his family name?”

Shadow made a raspberry, “His family name dies with him. He dug that grave. I owe the Robotniks nothing.”

“Hun?” Rouge called as she scrolled through the list of photos, “Could you come take a look and tell me which one of these nasty people hurt you?”

Shadow’s eyes glazed in frustration, “I really don’t want to look at them again. I’m glad they are all dead now.”

“I think it would do us all some good just to understand what happened. This disease was put in you by someone for some reason.”

“Will answers really help though?” His expression turned melancholic.

“It’s closure, sweetheart. Besides, confronting it could do you some good.”

Her words pushed him out of his reluctance, “Fine.”

He got up from the couch and sat on the floor beside us, “You’re going to have to help me stand back up, you know that.”

“How about I carry you to bed after this?” I offered.

He gave me a sleepy smile before eyeing the pictures on the screen. As Rouge scrolled through the pictures he winced and grimaced at most of the faces, “Again, why is it the traumatic memories that stick with me? Well, not entirely. I remember the bodily sensations and the faces but not exactly what they did to me.”

Then one picture left him bewildered, “Wait, stop.” He held a hand over the mouse pad.

He quivered at the image. It appeared to be a young man in his twenties. He had a sharp angular face and a haircut that was far too clean.

“I remember him quite clearly.” Every muscle in Shadow’s face tightened, “I think he knew I could hear him from behind the glass. He wanted me to know I wasn’t welcome.”

“It says that he was fired from GUN for tampering with the subject. Unauthorized experimentation.”

Shadow’s eyes sank into endless abysses. He was reliving the sensations, the torment.

“What did he do?” I wondered out loud.

“I don’t know. But I am sure he is the reason I am like this.” His voice was deep enough to dig graves.

 

Dr. Anthony Ions

Terminated for unauthorized experimentation of subject “Shadow”.

These actions may have caused damage to the subject but are currently undetectable. When interrogated he denied involvement. We have no information on what was done but we will continue our investigation into the matter and keep record of any changes that we find in the subject. Corrective measures will be implemented on finding the damages done. 

…

     

As July faded into August, Shadow’s demeanor changed further. He didn’t even seem to resist the fact that his body was failing him. Cherry was the next one to give Shadow his treatment for the week. We were no longer doing the simple injections. It was all IV. As I sat beside him on that bed with the IV sending drugs into his bloodstream, I studied his face. He looked so utterly at peace. It made no sense to me. All I could think about was how his death would be a murder, how I knew the name of his murderer and how much I wanted to do something about it.

“Are you still thinking about that doctor?” He asked me.

“Yes.” I pouted a bit as I confessed.

“What’s done is done, please don’t do anything stupid. Even if he is alive, that was back in the fifties. If he’s still alive, he’s likely in a wheelchair drooling somewhere.”

“This is murder. Why would someone just decide you were worthy of death like this? It makes me sick just thinking about it.”

“Maybe dying has given me a bit of wisdom, but I can’t be mad at people for doing what they thought was the right thing.” His eyes fluttered closed as he sank back into the bed.

I hugged myself, “You said you could hear him from behind the glass. What did he say?”

“He said that he wanted me dead, but GUN would have his head if he ended my life. He said that I was too dangerous to be allowed life. I’d like to think that he didn’t think that the dying process would be so long and agonizing for me. The original plan was that I would be dead within hours… Honestly, it’s been a blessing in disguise. I have been able to cherish what I have left of life. Thanks for making my life worth living, babe.”

Was he practicing his deathbed speech? It was agony to even consider. I wanted to postpone this in any way I could, but I couldn’t. It felt like we were walking into a dark and deadly forest and he was dragging me by my hand through it. “I can’t lose you. We only just started our lives together. We were supposed to raise the kids together. Teach them about being heroes and see what paths they took in life. I was supposed to grow old with you.”

“That’s the problem. You would have grown old, and I wouldn’t have. I know I would rather have grown old with you. This isn’t the way I wanted to die, but I have to take what was given to me. I said it before, some things weren’t meant to be fought.”

I shuttered and slunk down onto the bed, burying my head in the pillows. After a while of lying next to each other he caught my attention again, “I’ve been trying to protect your feelings for a while, but I don’t know how much time I have left, Sonic.”

My ears perked while I turned over in the bed. His rubies were so loving and gentle as he looked down on me.

“My mind is fading. I’m hoping it doesn’t get to that point, but I need you to promise me something. When the time comes, I need you to have the strength to let me go. There are things worse than death and staying will only cause me more suffering. I hope you understand.”

I choked on my own heart and forced myself to breathe, “I understand.”

“You promise, you will let me go?” His eyes drifted to a point they were almost shut.

I closed my eyes fully, grimacing as I let the words escape, “I promise.” 

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, “I mean it when I say you are the bravest hedgehog I know.” His breath brushed across the fur on my forehead.

“I’m so tired of how much this hurts.” The tears burst forth, unable to be stopped.

“I know, love. I know.” As he pulled away, his eyes flickered with something I didn’t recognize. I took pride in being able to read him, but this was different. It was like I was peering into crystal clear waters and seeing sharks underneath. Not just sharks but leviathans that sought to consume the soul and flesh together. And yet, the water was still and patient, beckoning me to jump in.  

Come drown, fill your lungs with the water, surrender all, the waters called.

The house shook with a loud crash and explosion just outside.

The meltdown I was on the verge of could wait. Protecting my family came first.

Just before I could jump into action I caught Shadow trying to take the IV out. Cherry’s eyes lit into panic as she reached out to stop him.

“Honey, please, let me handle this. Finish your treatment.” I scolded. 

He let it go and I seethed. Yet another reminder of how quickly he was willing to throw everything away, even after he promised he would stay.

I redirected my anger and ran to the source of the disturbance. 

Just outside in the front yard was Egghead in his usual hovercraft. He had wrecked most of the yard with his warning shot. The grass was up in blaze, charred and black and the tree was broken in half. The smoke from the destruction left me coughing. It took only a few minutes for me to get the hose to put the fires out.

“What the fuck’s your deal!?” I yelled at him.

“My deal is with you rats coming and bombing my space and taking my things! It took me days to manage the destruction that you vermin caused!” He shouted. As grey and wrinkled he was, it was hard to tell him from the images I had seen of his grandfather.

“I think you earned it, being as you are still trying to ruin the earth with your antics.” I gritted my teeth.

“For your information, if you are talking about the rift business, that was Sage’s doing.” He then rambled to himself about rebellious AI children who don’t know how to do evil properly.

“I thought Sage would be more strategic than that. That seems a bit… unpredictable.” I let my guard down.

“At this age, I just want to be left alone, but I suppose I can’t escape my past, can I?” He grumbled and returned to his ramble. Obviously, the years had worn on his psyche. “Sage seems to think that evil means indiscriminate destruction. She has grown quite resentful of organic beings. I had to rewire some of her base processors to keep her from taking over all machinery for her own gain. I don’t know how to get through to that girl anymore.” He grumbled some more.

Amy came running out with her hammer at the ready, breezing by me before I could stop her. She launched herself into the air, bringing down the full weight of her hammer and smashing straight through the hood panels. The eggmobile bowed back, sputtering and smoking, but managed to stay afloat.

She rolled back and readied her hammer for another hit, “Leave us alone!”

“I will leave you pests alone when you leave me alone!” He redirected the hovercraft back at her, the canons heating up and preparing to shoot at her.

            I dashed, grabbing her and getting her out of the way, dropping her back in the house. “Let me handle this,” I hissed.

The sound of the cannons’ blast shook the house again as I attempted to reason with Amy.

            “You are not in a shape to fight, let me help you.” She looked at me with fire in her eyes.

            “Daddy, the Eggman is outside.” Maria came out of nowhere to tug on my leg fur.

            “I know honey. Let me take care of him.” I shooed her off.

            Maria pouted before backing off.

            I left them and went back out to the now bright red old man, “Give me one reason, I shouldn’t blow up your house with everyone in it!” He spat at me.

            “How about I beat you into the nursing home?” I clenched my fists preparing to fight.

            His wrinkled mouth formed into a deep frown, “Where is that good for nothing mutant freak you call a husband? Shouldn’t he be out here fighting with you? Or did he finally divorce your pathetic ass?”

            I tensed till I was shaking.

            “Oh, I struck a nerve, didn’t I? You two spawned some little rodents too, didn’t you? I bet he took the kids with him, left you all on your own. What were you doing, cheating on him with pinky?”

            The more he taunted the less I could breath, it was like he was dumping cement on me.

            His hovercraft beeped at him. He looked down at it and his eyes widened enough for me to see them behind the glasses, “You have one of my androids.”    

            He hit a few buttons and before I could choke out any words the Shadow android burst its way through the garage door, tearing through the metal with an ear splitting screech.

            I took one look at it and stumbled to the ground. It was like my body was fully numb. I couldn’t feel the grass underneath me. The look of that thing glaring at me with those cold lifeless eyes. My head buzzed as the panic set in.

            Thrusters burned under its feet and the bot flew up, landing in Eggman’s hovercraft.

            “Aww, you missed Shadow that much that you just had to raid my base and steal one of these guys. How rich is that?”

            My mind snapped. Hysteria set in as my face painted with tears. My breath only gasps. My head became an echo chamber of screams. Everything was blur, my ribs felt like they were strangling my lungs. I folded my hands around my head and fully succumbed to the mental break, whimpering and shaking.  

            Then one thing gave me just the subtlest of grounding, Amy’s sweet voice.

            “He’s grieving. Shadow is dying!” She let loose her fury into her voice.  

            “What do you mean? Shadow can’t die.” He sounded baffled.

            I sank deeper into my ball trying to protect myself from their conversation.

            “We think someone in GUN sabotaged him while he was in stasis.” She sounded much calmer that time.

            “Well…that’s unfortunate I suppose.” His voice tapered off. He sounded almost regretful.

            Next thing I knew I was in Amy’s arms. I melted into her. She smelled so sweet, like strawberries and sugar cookies. I gave into the comfort, burying my muzzle into her shoulder and taking deep breaths as she directed me to. Each lung full of air brought me back down into my body.

            “It’s going to be okay. I’m here, you’ll get through this.” She soothed me with each word. Soon I was nothing more than a ragdoll in her embrace.

            “It’s no fun anymore when he’s too depressed to fight back.” Eggman huffed, “If I knew this was what I was getting into I would have never shown up.”

            Maria and Zeph’s voices became a chorus calling for us from the front door. Amy’s eyes widened looking at them in panic.

            “I’m good, Ames.” I reassured her.

            “You’re not good, that’s what I was trying to tell you.” She scolded me. She got herself off the ground and helped me up to my feet.

            Before Amy returned to the littles and Eggman turned around to fly off, he stopped me. It was enough time for Amy and the kids to be out of ear shot. For the first time in years I saw those grey eyes, behind those thick glasses of his.

            “What’s been happening to him, if it’s not too much for me to ask?”

            His change in tone left me jarred. Just a bit ago he was calling Shadow a mutant freak, maybe he was more complicated than I gave him credit for.

“It’s been awful. He’s withering away and there's nothing I can do to stop it.” I droned.

“My deepest apologies. Shadow shouldn’t have to suffer like that, he’s a good hedgehog. Take care of him.” With those words he turned and flew off with the hovercraft still spilling smoke.

I suppose Shadow meant a lot to all of us.