Diagnosis

Maria’s bright blond flew behind her as she ran away from Shadow. Her eyes sparkled as she looked back at him, “I want to play hide and seek!”

Her periwinkle flats tinked against the metal floor as she ran down the hallway. Before Shadow could stop her, she was already twirling around the corner and gone.

“Maria!” he shouted. How could she continue to be so negligent about her own health like this? She understood how sick she was. Maria was a very smart girl, even at the age of seven.

Shadow skated after her. His imagination painting terrible images that constricted his chest. “Maria! I don’t like this game. I don’t like it when I can’t find you.” He yelled down the hallway.

The worst part. Shadow was suffocating with guilt. They weren’t even supposed to be in this section of the Ark. Maria was bored as she tended to get, being bedridden most of the time, and Shadow thought it would be a nice change of pace to take her there. Shadow knew that there was an observatory window on this side of the Ark, that gave you the perfect view of the earth. He could even point out to her where the Great Wall of China was. Not another soul lurked down these hallways. The quiet and isolation only fueled his panic. If something happened to Maria, not only would it be his fault, a fact he couldn’t stomach, but he could already envision the severity of the punishment that would befall him.

“Maria! This isn’t funny, where are you?!” Shadow’s heart pounded in his ears. He ran back to the observatory. She was nowhere in there. He opened every maintenance closet. Each one was empty. As he skidded by one small dark room a noise caught his attention. It was an office. A small offshoot of a larger lab. The one wall was lined with cabinets and the other wall was mounted, a computer.

He steadied his breath. “Maria?” Then he stepped into the room, the open door squeaking as he pushed it further.

The cabinet rattled.

“Maria.” He allowed himself to breathe. He ran over to the cabinet and opened it. Maria had that glossiness to her eyes and a sheen to her skin. Shadow snatched her up in his arms and carried her out to the hallway.

Maria tried to bury herself in Shadow, but she was getting too big for him. “My tummy hurts.” She whimpered.

Shadow put her down on the ground just outside of the office, against the wall. She was as white as a sheet and now dripping a misty layer of sweat. Maria wretched. Shadow panicked. There had to be something. A trash can, a bucket, something to catch the coming vomit. As Shadow tried to leave to look for something Maria grabbed him, “Please don’t … leave me.”

Shadow turned around just in time to be on the receiving end of a shower of stomach content. Bits of rice and beans, undigested, clung to his fur and the pungent sour smell of stomach acid stung his nose.

His gut reaction was to be repulsed and pull away, but then he saw the fear and shame in those ocean blue eyes. “I am so sorry.” She cried, a single tear forming.

Shadow let his shoulders drop and wrapped an arm around her, giving her a half hug so as not to smear the vomit all over her dress. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. Let’s go get cleaned up.” He smiled at her.     

 

…

            Patient log, Date: May 23, 2025

            Physician: Dr. Miles Prower

            Patient Name: Shadow the Hedgehog

            Summary:

I have concluded that this is far more delicate of a situation than I can handle being a self-taught physician. Up to this point my practice has been solely for the use of minor injuries and illnesses of the immediate village and surrounding communities. I have also acted as creator and physician for the patient, Shadow, and his spouse, Sonic’s offspring. If I am expected to continue treating Shadow’s complex condition, I will require a team. A discussion was made with the patient about treatment. The patient was reluctant to the idea of adding more medical staff, but I reminded him that he would not be getting adequate treatment under my care alone.

We also discussed treatment of symptoms while I took the time to assemble a team. I assured the patient that his choice comes first and told him that we have very little understanding of how medications will react with his unique condition. The patient’s biggest complaint was migraines.

Symptoms and drug therapies:

Absence seizures are still of concern but are mitigated by the continued prescription of 20mg Keppra twice daily.      

For migraines, 25mg of amitriptyline once daily was prescribed. The patient experienced adverse effects. Three hours after the first dose, the patient exhibited a severe acute manic episode. This came with rapid heart rate and constricted pupils. Spouse requested medical services, and the patient was found experiencing a panic attack in his home.

-The corrective measure for this adverse reaction was an administration of topical Ativan to the interior of the right wrist. This measure was effective within five minutes.

New medication has been prescribed, 30mg of duloxetine once daily. Follow up on this medication will be done one week from today.

 

     

I must have drowned that poor pillow in my tears. Anytime I tried to pull myself together that poisonous thought would return and I would slip back into sobs. At some point I heard Amy’s voice. Shadow must have called her over to help out. The kids sounded so happy to have her over. I at least took comfort knowing that the kids weren’t distressed. My world was crumbling, and they were holding the structure together without me.

Not long after, I fell asleep, listening to the sound of life going on. The feeling of his warmth next to me pulled me back to the surface. I opened my eyes and rolled over to an eye full of his deeply exhausted face. “Are you still mad at me?” He smirked, as he curled up into the bed.

“No…Just hurt.” I mumbled, laying onto my back. “I don’t understand.”

Shadow was as his name’s sake. A figment cast along the powder blue walls, now muted as the sunlight faded outside our window. Nothing but a solemn glint in his eye as he looked up at the ceiling and took in my words. “You’ve made it perfectly clear you don’t understand.”

It was a rough scratch across my skin. I had thought I was showing him compassion, but it seemed I missed the mark entirely. How had my own hurt bled over? I still failed to grasp how wanting the best for him, when his life and mind was literally at risk, was bad.

Shadow sat up with his back to me, his quills slaying out as if to tell me to stay back. “You don’t know what you are asking of me.” His voice took on a lower octave, “Every time you push me to do treatment or testing…” He was struggling with each sentence and the way his quills spiked, it felt like I was the viper in the grass. I sat up to read his face. There was the deepest sense of agony. His eyes, usually scarlet, were now a deep crimson hue. And he slumped forward to create a barrier between me and his chest. His eyes darted over and pierced my skin, but only that deep. “You aren’t going to drop it are you?”

“I just want…”

He cut me off, “Want what? Let’s say, this is a terminal illness. Let’s say even if this was curable. Do you have any clue the fucked up shit I was put through? Do you think this setting, or this scene, makes me feel any better about it? Do you know what I SEE,” His eyes smoked with death as he bore into me, “Every time I enter those clinic doors. The difference between a laboratory and a hospital room is nothing.”

He shook as he looked away from me, “Did you ever wonder why I was afraid to have children?”

I couldn’t catch my breath. Shadow had torn my soul from my chest and toyed with it in front of my face. I didn’t know who this hedgehog was. Was it my ignorance or his walls? Was I just that blind? He left me with more questions than answers, but he left me alone once more, not even so much as an acknowledgment as he left.

It shattered the image of Shadow I saw him as. He once told me that the chasms in his mind were too haunting to share. This was the closest I had been to that darkness. And I choked on shame for not taking him at his word.

…

The next day I threw the pills away. Clearly it was more damage than help and I had to do something to let Shadow know I took him seriously when we spoke that night.

I even made a big display about it as he was enjoying his morning cup of coffee.

“Your point?” He huffed.

“My point is, I was wrong. I’ve let my fears get in the way of us having proper communication. I owe it to you to show you I care so…” I gesture at the pill bottle in the trash can.

“You know how unhealthy that is for the environment.” He sipped his coffee. I could see the cheeky smile behind it.

“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with it?” I threw a hand on my hip.

“Call Dr. Prower and explain the side-effects and that we aren’t going to do anymore medications. He can handle proper disposal.”

I pulled my lips tight, “That’s not what I was getting at. I was thinking that you try something else. The point of the medicine was to prevent your migraines.”

“Maybe I like pain.” He stuck his nose up in the air.

“What is wrong with you?” I sat down across from him at the kitchen table.

“I don’t think anyone could survive being my therapist.” He sat the coffee down and lost himself in thought.

“You’re lying. I know your tells.” I pointed a finger at him.

“What tells?” Shadow was fully taken aback by my accusation. It was perfect timing for Maria to start screaming.

Both of us got up to check the damage. Zephyr had her pinned down to the living room carpet. “Zephyr, cut it out.” I jumped him.

He got off Maria and zoomed off to find something else to do.

“Were you like that as a kid?” Shadow laughed.

“I want to deny it, but I can’t.” I sighed.

Shadow then sunk down beside Maria as she was getting back up. Then he whispered, “If he does that again, use these.” He grabbed her hand and showed her the claws that she was growing. The soft keratin was now hardened, making for teeny tiny daggers.

“Don’t teach her violence is the answer.” I whined.

Shadow looked up at me and smiled with one brow raised, “You want to raise pushovers, I’m raising these kids to be warriors.”  He stood up and eyed me down, “And don’t be a hypocrite. You would do the same to me. Or has parenthood made you soft?”  

Boy had me blushing. I wondered how long it had been since he gave me that tone. I couldn’t hide how much it excited me. “No, parenthood hasn’t made me soft, and I’ll prove it.”

“Let’s show these kids how the adults deal with their disagreements.”

He and I were now nose to nose, two flames blazing. A thought occurred to me, “Is Amy still here?”

“Yeah, she stayed the night, I think she’s in the nursery with Jade.” Shadow was already grabbing his air shoes as we spoke.

“I’ll go let her know what we are up to, and I will get Zeph.”

“Daddy fight!” Maria jumped excitedly.  

…

The scene was set, the yard our battlefield, and we were ready for our family pastime that happened about once or twice a week, depending on how energetic we were feeling. We sat Maria and Zephyr out on the front deck, with the stipulation that they don’t leave the wooden seating area. They peeked out of the wide gap railing, wide eyed and bouncing. Maria cheered for Shadow; Zeph cheered for me.

“You aren’t going to collapse on me, are you?” That statement was half worry half taunt.

“I can handle it. Don’t deny me this hedgehog.” His smile turned sharp.

“Okay, but I won’t hold it against you if you wimp out.”

He and I were circling each other, both seeking an opportunity to jump. We were so familiar with each other’s fighting styles, it often turned into stalemates.

 “Don’t hold back, old man.” He sneered.

The excitement won me over. That insult got me going every time. Maybe I was more insecure about aging than I let anyone know.

I rolled back my Spin Dash to ensure I had plenty of momentum. My vision turned muted green, the sign he was using Chaos Control.

I’ve picked up tricks to push past the time distortion. Just enough speed and I could roll at him, maybe half the speed but it was enough. I cut through the lawn and landed right into him. Time resumed.

He recovered and gave me that sharp as blade stare, the red of his brows enhancing the fierceness of his eyes. “Chaos Spear!” He whipped an arm back sending a rain of energy barbs down on me.

I danced around each one. They burned the grass as they hit. “Keep this up and I won’t have to mow this week!” I teased.

Blasting pain rocked through my jaw. His fist clean to my face. I reeled but regained my footing dodging the next hit. Soon we were hit for hit. It came down to the minute details. Placement of feet. Where our shoulders angled. Predicting each other’s next move. Old rhythms, familiar beats. 

I did circles around him to catch him off guard. He used new layer of technique with his Chaos Control to slow me down. I took a dive at him to get him off his feet. He leaped over me and I felt his foot strike into my spine. That hit got me. I fell to the ground wheezing. He stood on top of me for a moment and when he had his fill of my suffering he got off. Maria sang, “Shadow, Shadow, Shadow.”

“You really are old. That was an easy ass fight, and I’m supposed to be the sick one.” He laughed.

He may as well have invited disaster.

“Fuck!” He yelled.

I got up to see what happened.

Shadow was on his knees, hobbled over, his arms over his head, hands clasped behind his neck. His muscles strained as he squeezed his skull. A deep growl as he hollered in pain.

My stomach swallowed my heart. I ran over to him. Dear Chaos, why did I think this was a good idea?

Shadow shook as I tried to get his attention, my mind went straight blank.

The world fuzzed out of focus as I gave into the panic. What did he want from me? Here he was writhing in excruciating pain, a ball of agony, and I was stuck on the words he left with me the night before.

No doctors, no meds, no treatment.

He forced the words out between gasps, “Get…help…”  

“Kids! Go get Amy!” I shouted. I heard the door open and slam as they did.

I coaxed Shadow into my arms, positioning him so that I can get my arms under his legs and back. He leaned into me, his head pressed against my shoulder.

My eyes stung and I burrowed my head into the side of his, “Are you sure you don’t want a doctor?”

“I…I don’t care…Jus…make it stop.” He sobbed into my chest.

“Sonic?” Amy’s voice called from behind.

I looked up at her, the tears now beading down my face. “I have to get him to the clinic. I know Tails was getting a medical team together just in case Shadow changed his mind…” I pulled Shadow tighter, “Damn it, why did I let things get this bad?”

Amy still had Jade in her arms. Maria and Zeph both hid behind her long red dress. Amy’s soft green eyes comforted me, “Take care of him. I got the kids.”

 I lifted him off the ground, my heart throbbing. “Thanks, Ames.”

Without another word, I ran. It was that familiar feeling of not being able to run fast enough. Was I running for help, or running away from something?

The sight of the clinic was relief. Tails added on to the clinic over the past month and the little establishment was turning into a full hospital. Shadow’s words crippled me, the difference between a hospital room and a laboratory. I could choke, but I didn’t have time to ask myself these questions or have these worries. Shadow continued to whimper. I steeled my resolve. He needed me more than ever.

I backed into the double glass doors and was immediately met by Tails.

He was dressed in a doctor’s coat and had a walkie-talky clipped to his chest pocket, “Get a stretcher out here, STAT.” He demanded into it.

My panic fully set in when I realized this was really happening. I felt like my legs could give way. Shadow’s weight doubled.

Time blurred and as it did I was brought back to surface by strange faces, a team of medical professionals wheeling in a rolling stretcher. My heart was him and I was asked to lay that heart down on that cot. And so, I did. Pressing my chest to his as I was laying him down, his arms reached up and pulled around my neck and shoulders, “Don’t leave me.” He rasped.

“I’ll be right behind you.” I whispered, whipping my tears along his face. He dug into me as I pulled away.

“It’s going to be okay. I won’t let anything bad happen. I promise.” I kissed him on the cheek. He relaxed just enough to let go. As I came back up I was met by a pink mouse with golden eyes.

She rested her hand on my shoulder, “He’s in good hands. You can follow us.” Her face could have been the stillest of water.

I followed them, my feet in time with my heartbeat. We pushed past another set of double doors down the dull cream, colored hallways. Our journey ended in a room behind sliding glass door and curtains. I ran right to his side. Shadow’s eyes pleaded with me, and in that moment of desperation, they went blank.

The pink mouse from before stuck electrodes to his head and chest, linking him to various monitors. I watched frozen as she wrapped a blood pressure cuff on his arm. The room filled with the sounds of beeping and humming.

She looked up and acknowledged me, “I’m Cherry, RN. We will get him on an IV once we have a solid set of vitals.”

“He’s seizing.” The words came out of my mouth.

She got over to my side where I was looking and shined her light pen in his eyes. Then she spoke into her walkie-talky, “Dr. Prower, he’s seizing.”

Tails’ voice crackled on the other end, “I’ll bring Keppra for the IV, get him hooked up.”

Cherry’s movements were so smooth and deliberate. It was evident this is what she did every day of her life. Soon Shadow was with an IV in his arm, ready to go when Tails brought in the medication and fluids.

My body was heavy on the bottom and light on top. Tails got me a seat before I could collapse. I clasped my hand around Shadow’s and held on tight. Every thought I wanted to have refused to form.

“This is my fault.” My lips formed the words outside of my control.

Tails pulled up a seat beside me, “He’s been nothing but resistant. This isn’t your fault.”

“It’s my job as his husband to look out for him. And I put him in danger. We were having a sparring match like we always do.” I let go of Shadow and buried my face in my hands, “I can’t do this Tails. He tells me he doesn’t want treatment, but I can’t see him like this. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to lose him. It’s like he wants to die.”

“You and I both know he’s complicated.” Tails put a hand on my back. The weight bearing just the slightest of reassurance.

“I can’t have him be complicated right now. I’ve been trying to be understanding but…” I choked on a sob looking back up at him. “Look at him. I.. I… I can’t.”

“We will figure this out.” Tails voice was so calm. I could have sunk into that calm but I was too busy splashing around desperately trying not to drowned.

“I can’t lose him,” I found the words.

“Just hang in there. I can’t make promises, but our team is doing everything we can.”    

 The only sounds were the beeping and hums. The monitors making a disjointed song that spoke of what could lie ahead for us.

Shadow came back to us. His eyes blinking so tired and distant, “My head.” He groaned.

“Shadow, honey.” I was so relieved to have him back. I could breathe just hearing that voice again.

“What are they doing?” His voice came groggily.

 “First, we need to get you stable. I got you on some Toradol and Keppra. But we can’t avoid it any longer, we need and MRI.” Tails sounded so professional. It was like I was listening to someone else.

Shadow’s eye tore wide open, “No!”

“Honey, It’s okay. We need to do this.” I clenched his hand tighter. Standing up from my seat I pressed my forehead to his, “It’s okay. I know you’re scared. You are suffering, we need to figure out what’s wrong so we can treat it. Please, I know you can do it, honey.”

My mind to his, as our forehead’s touched. I willed us to be of one accord, for him to feel my calm as I brought myself down. My will became still and resolved, and I felt him mellow in tune with me. “You are so brave, honey. I know, it’s going to be okay. I won’t leave your side. Not as long as I can help it. Look at me.”

Ruby eyes. They met mine, fear still dancing behind the warmth of their hue. If only I could wish that fear away. I pressed my forehead deeper into his, imagining the wave lengths of my mind intertwining with his. “They are going to look at your brain and figure out what’s wrong so we can fix it. And you will feel better, okay? You’re safe, I’m not going anywhere.”

He took a deep breath, “I love you so much.”

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“I do.” He sighed.      

…

The next thirty minutes was straight agony. Tails and I sat together in the emergency room while he trusted them to the team.

“How did you get this together?" I asked, in an attempt to distract myself.

“Turns out, it’s not hard to find Mobians who want to work for Sonic the Hedgehog.” Tails smiled at me.

“I don’t want them doing all this just because I’m a hero.” I fussed.

“To them, it’s just repaying the favor.”

“They need some kind of compensation for this. How many did you hire?” I sat myself up and stretched my back. I had been bent over so long it hurt. Shadow was right, I was getting old. “I’ll send a message to the CEO of the Maria Robotnik Foundation and let them know to send them payments for their services.”

“There are about fifty here.” Tails shrunk back.

“Fifty? For one hedgehog?”

“This is a really complicated case, I need as much help as I can get.” Tails shrugged.

“The foundation is going to have a cow.” I groaned.

“You know they won’t have a problem helping out.”

“I know but donations have been on a five-year low.” I let my head hit the wall behind me, “No one cares about ethical research anymore. Shadow and I have been running a bicycle in a pool for years now. I don’t know… this can’t get any wo…”

“Don’t! jinx it.” Tails jumped.

My eyes widened and I tilted my head at him, “You? Superstitious?”

“The medical field will make you superstitious.” Tails was matter of fact.

…

When they brought Shadow back, he had that vacant stare, but this time it was different. I sat at his side and grabbed his hand, “Shadow?”

He lulled his head down, barely looking at me as he did, “I’m…here.” His voice was just above a whisper. Shadow was behind those eyes but there was only a thread bridging the distance. I reached over to caress his face, he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. We could have sat in that moment forever, my love radiating comfort out to him. “You were so brave. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there beside you.”

He brushed his nose into the palm of my hand and inhaled. We were afloat in an ocean, two bodies on a life raft with no land in sight. Not a thing to keep us but each other. The certainty of our lives, everything we knew, all hanging in the balance. If we could only survive on love alone.

I lost the time, trying to keep us above the waves. Shadow clung to me, clutching my hand to the side of his face, as if it was the only way he could know I was still there.

A new face walked in. The woosh of the sliding doors as he stepped inside. He was a black bat with amber eyes, and a warmth that revealed the age of his soul.

I turned around in the rolling stool I was on to meet him.

“I’m Dr. Roan, anesthesiologist. It’s an honor to meet you.” We shook hands.

Shadow stirred, restless at the absences of my touch. He was soon sitting up with wide eyes, looking at the person who had invaded his space.

Dr. Roan smiled at him and Shadow’s features softened, “Dr. Roan?”

“Shadow, long time no see. It’s unfortunate that we had to run into each other again like this.” Roan moved to his bedside, opposite me.

“Tell me about it.” Shadow’s ears fell back. His muscles turned ridged, and his rubies seared into the glass in front of us.

“How do you two know each other?” I pondered.

Shadow relaxed somewhat, “He’s one of Rouge’s cousins. He and I have hung out a few times, he’s pretty chill.”

Dr. Roan laughed, “I don’t know why you’re calling me chill? I always worried that you were a bad influence on Rouge.”

“Me? She is the bad influence. Do you know how many times she’s talked me into stupid shit? It was her idea to raid the GUN base.” Shadow defended himself.

“You’re not innocent. You talked her into robbing artifacts from the Heritage Museum.”

“We returned them when we were done using them.” Shadow shrugged.

“One of the scrolls was ripped.” Roan’s eyes half lidded.

The conversation died down and the moment of comradery and calm dissipated. I watched Shadow’s ears pull back and his muscles pulled ridged again. “You’re an anesthesiologist.” He gave a low growl.

I saw the look in Roan’s eyes as a cue, he was about to give some troubling news.

I got up and held Shadow’s head to my chest. He burrowed in. I felt him quiver as he did.

Dr. Roan gave a gentle smile and projected a sense of calm like a buoy on stormy water, “I have been asked to discuss the next steps with you. One possibility we’re considering is a brain biopsy. This would involve a minor surgical procedure to collect a small sample of tissue, which will give us a better understanding of what’s going on in your brain.”

Shadow shrunk deeper into my embrace. I readjusted my arms to get a better hold of him, one arm around his head, the other across his chest and shoulders.

 “I assure you that we wouldn’t consider this procedure if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But I also want to promise you that I’ll do everything in my power to make this experience as comfortable and stress-free as possible for you. I know the idea of anesthesia can be particularly daunting for you considering your time in stasis. I can only imagine how unsettling it must be to face the possibility of being put under again.”

I felt Shadow take a deep breath and relax some, his eyes looking to Roan for more reassurance.

“This is different. We are not talking about decades or even years; we’re talking about a short, controlled procedure. And I’ll be with you every step of the way, ensuring you receive the best care possible. We’ll discuss the details of the procedure, and I’ll answer any questions you may have. I’ll also make sure that you’re properly sedated and comfortable during the procedure. Your well-being and safety are my top priority, Shadow. I want to reassure you that we’re doing this to help you, not harm you. We’ll get through this together.”

The more Shadow relaxed the more he let me loosen my hold on him. I dropped one hand behind his back and messaged his tense muscles. He melted into my comforting gesture, bending forward and closing his eyes.

“All of this is so fucked up.” He grumbled.

“I entirely understand. This would be a lot for anyone let alone after what you’ve had to endure.” Roan gave a wry smile. “Just know that if anything were to happen to you, I’m pretty sure Rouge would kill me. So, you can rest assured that I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you come out of this just fine.”

Shadow smirked, his eyes still closed, “She won’t make it a quick death either.”                 

…

Tails returned from imaging and confirmed their request for a biopsy. It didn’t take much convincing to get Shadow to sign off on the procedure, but my heart cracked at the fear in his eyes as he signed the paperwork.

“We’ll get through this. I’ll be right here.” I kissed his forehead, after he put down the pen.

Not long after that we were off to prep. A much larger room with the same robin’s egg walls as the room Tails first pointed out the abnormality. I held Shadow’s hand, never once letting go. He really struggled to stay present as we met with several other doctors. They explained the procedure and requested more paperwork to be signed. My muscles were fatiguing just from the stress.

Then came one of the things Shadow dreaded most. They had to clip and shave off a patch of quills from the top of his head. It wasn’t a lot, if he brushed some of the quills forward it would cover it, but Shadow looked like a beaten puppy after they finished.

“I look stupid.” He whined.

“They will grow back. Besides, you're beautiful no matter what.” I told him.

The closer it got to time for the surgery, the more anxious he got. Dr. Roan returned to go over anesthesia. Shadow looked pale, like he could get sick.

Dr. Roan sighed and gave a reassuring smile, “You know, a lot of people will listen to music before surgery to help calm their nerves. We have a sound system if you would like to play something.” He pointed to a small white player on the counter behind me. It had a display in the middle and speakers on each side. That’s when I realized Shadow didn’t have his phone on him.

“I can run back to the house and grab your phone.” I offered.

Shadow eased a bit when I did. “Go for it. Music would be nice.”

Within a blink, I was back putting the phone on the player. I taped in the code, Shadow kept his phone lock simple, 1951, the year he was created. I pulled up his music app and the first thing I saw was the most recent playlist he made. “Indie folk music?” I asked scrolling through the list.

“Yeah, I’ve been listening to a lot lately. I find it quite relaxing and personal. Something about it really strikes a chord with me.” Shadow had such a sleepy smile.      

“Who’s your favorite artist?” Dr. Roan chimed in.

“I haven’t decided yet. I really like Iron & Wine and there is one song by Bright Eyes that is dear to me.” As the conversation continued, Shadow relaxed.

I got the player going and linked the blue tooth. Soon the room filled with the smooth, simple sounds of acoustic guitar and piano. It wasn’t something I would have been interested in listening to but I could see why Shadow liked it so much. It was raw, like the deepest parts of his soul. The side of himself that no one else saw except for me.

After a few songs I found that it relaxed me too. One song, however, peaked my attention, It sounded so sad. It was like the guitars spoke more than the words themselves. The sound of the rain in the background of the song sounded like tears and the vocal audio sounded like a call from a grave. It haunted me so deeply, I had to know what it was. I looked back at the phone, before I knew, it was playing the next song. I found the most recent played, the previous song was called Service Bell. It was tempting to play it again, but I was scared. I forced myself to put the phone back down.

“That song was weird.” I stated.

“You talking about Service Bell? It’s so melancholic,” Shadow responded.

“It is. I didn’t know a song to sound that sad.” I rolled the stool back to his side. Something told me to cling to this moment, so I did. I held his hand again and buried my head into his shoulder. He still smelled like coffee from that morning. It was now late in the afternoon. I realized I hadn’t eaten a bight since breakfast, not that I had the appetite. But my body did ache for nutrients. It’s hard to keep up with my metabolism. Usually, I would have eaten five meals before evening. Maybe I would fall unconscious, and I could get a break from all this worry.  

“I love you so much.” He kissed the top of my head.

Shadow was then put back on an IV drip. Once they put the medication in, Shadow squirmed, “It feels so violating to let them do this to me.” He groaned.

“We need to figure out what’s wrong.” I reminded him.

His eyes almost closed as looked at the far end of the room, “I keep telling myself that I’m not going to wake up back in stasis, but my mind won’t drop it… I shouldn’t be this scared.” His voice echoed, despite being barely audible.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up.” I reminded him.

Dr. Roan administered the anesthesia. Shadow closed his eyes like he was preparing for death. I leaned into him and gave him one more kiss, “Remember, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He opened his eyes and gave me a weak smile. It was a few more minutes before he began drifting off. Right before they rolled him off to surgery, Shadow reached for my hand again. He was fighting the anesthesia so hard.

“Relax, It’s going to be fine.” I reassured him.

“It’s going to be fine, Maria. It’s all worth it for you.” He closed his eyes and surrendered to the drugs. They rolled him off, and I sat there beside myself.

            He called me Maria.

…

After the surgery I stayed the night with him, curled up on the hospital recliner. Sunlight cast through the window, woke me up. It illuminated Shadow with a warm halo as he sat up in bed. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. The decent sized bandage on the top of his head was hard to miss. Shadow had the most miserable expression as he looked down into his lap.

“How you feeling?” I poked the bear.

“I have been pummeled ruthlessly by my DNA donor, and it felt better than this.” He growled; his body hunched over into the sheets as if he could fold himself in half. Then he turned his head up at me, eyes glazed and daring. There was just the subtlest hint of a smirk on those lips.

“Of all life-threatening adventures, who would have thought we would be dealing with mystery brain illness?” I cheesed, sitting myself up in the bed.

“My life has been nothing but tragedy, why should this be any different?” he grumbled.

“We’ll get through this,” I cast my optimism, “And your life’s not all tragedy. You got me, the kids, and all our friends.” 

Shadow squinted as he sat up, “I would say something depressing, but I like you naïve.”

I tilted my head to the side. I could probably guess what he was thinking, but I wasn’t going to dwell on it. Ignorance truly is bliss.

Breakfast was pancakes, nothing fancy about them, just bland enough for someone just got out of surgery. Shadow wound up with sausage on his plate and made faces at it. I think that was enough to kill his appetite if he had any. He only ate one bite of the pancake and chugged down three cups of coffee.

“Don’t you think you should be drinking water?” I teased.

He just scowled at me.

After that, nurse Cherry came on shift. She brought in pills and Shadow griped that they wouldn’t give him anything stronger than Norco.

“I would have thought that I would be healed by now.” Shadow said as he threw back the pill cup. The little white tabs fell into his mouth.

“Maybe it was just that invasive? I know sometimes it takes a bit longer for you to heal.”

Shadow muttered something under his breath about not trusting anyone.

Later, Shadow asked for the medieval fantasy book he had been working on. I ran back to the house to get it. Poor Amy looked like she had been put through the wringer. She was in the middle of changing a poopy diaper, with Jade on the couch. Zeph and Maria were running circles from the living room to the kitchen and back. I had to dance around scattered toys throughout the living space.

Amy looked up at me as I was on my way out of the house, her eyes heavy with sleeplessness, “You two need to start paying me for babysitting.”

“Sorry Ames, our little angels too much for you?” I turned back to her with a grin.

“I have no clue how you two do it?” She got the new diaper taped on and cradled Jade in her arms, “Hey, I was planning on getting everyone dressed and coming over to visit Shadow.”

“That sounds lovely. Shadow could use something to cheer him up. This whole thing has him twice as bitter than usual.” My smile faltered.

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for him,” She sighed, Jade pulled at a tuft of pink fur that came out from behind her dress strap. Amy cooed at her and returned to our conversation. “Shadow’s having to sacrifice a lot of his pride to get the help he needs. I don’t consider myself particularly prideful, but I would struggle having to deal with that. How is he doing anyway?”

“In pain, wondering why he’s not healing fast enough, trying to convince the medical staff to let him go home and write him a prescription for oxy.” I smirked. “I better get going. He was wanting me to bring him this book and I know he’s complaining about how I’m taking too long.” I looked down at the book, it was bright orange with a dragon and two knights sword fighting on the cover.

“You get going. I will have the kids there in a few. We will stop by the gift shop on the way.” She shooed me off and then preceded to yell at Maria and Zephyr to stop running.

“Be good for miss Amy.” I hollered at them. They stopped to look at me and then went right into a pushing fight. I shrugged, “Well, at least they aren’t running. See ya, Ames.”

Amy grumbled, then returned to me with a half-smile. I just waved to her and the kids and took off out the door.

…

Shiny pink, red and purple balloons bopped around, as Maria tugged at their strings. She held an oversized, heart shaped card with her name scrawled on it in crayon. She clung onto Amy, while Zephyr ran straight for the bed as soon as he saw Shadow, “Daddy!” He yelled.

The little black hedgie grabbed onto the edge and attempted to hoist himself up. I grabbed him and brought him back down. “Daddy Shadow is still hurting. We should give him some space.” I said.

Shadow frowned at me, “He’s fine, let him sit up here. I could really use some Zephy snuggles.”

Zeph turned back to me with his big green eyes, “Please?”

“Okay,” I smiled. Then I lifted him  up to place him right beside Shadow. Shadow then scooped him up and nuzzled his tummy making him laugh.

“Just take it easy, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Shadow glared at me, “You’re being a bit overprotective.”

“You just had brain surgery. We don’t even know what’s causing your issues.”

“I’m not worried about that right now. I’m just happy to have my little hogs.” He looked up at Amy who was holding Jade up to her shoulder. “Can I hold her?”

Zeph pulled away as Shadow reached out for baby Jade. Amy had her dressed in a green onesie. She brought Jade over to Shadow and as he held her, the sight made me snicker. It was like Shadow had just given birth and was holding her for the first time.

A flash of blue light interrupted. We all dropped what we were doing to see what had caused it. The silver hedgehog tripped over himself and fell in the middle of the floor, falling back and knocking the bedside table over. It cracked against the linoleum as he landed on the floor, and a massive bouquet of lavenders fell beside him.  

“Nice entrance.” Shadow blew air out of his nose.

Silver bounced back up on his feet, attempting to regain some dignity, and collected the bouquet, “Give me a break, It took me a couple of attempts to even find you guys.”

“Maybe if you took your powers a bit more seriously, you wouldn’t have this problem.” Shadow took on a shit eating grin.

“I come here with lavenders, and this is the way you talk to me? Maybe I’ll just throw them away.” Silver spun on his heels and walked over to the trash.

“No! no. I want them.” Shadow’s tone changed.

Silver turned back to him with a smug expression, “Do you now?”

“I’m sorry. There, you happy?” Shadow grumbled.

Silver just laughed and sat the flowers on Shadow’s lap, “Being sick really has softened you.”

“How do you know he’s sick anyway?” I asked. Shadow handed Jade over to me to me could marvel at the purple blooms.

“As with most things, there was a time disturbance. My time-period went to hell, so I did some research and discovered that you bailed in the middle of an interdimensional invasion.” Silver crossed his arms.

My cheeks turned bright red, “How bad is it?”

“We are run by a race of fifty-foot spiders.” His voice came flatly.

I pressed my hands to my forehead, “Knuckles tried to call me yesterday and left a voicemail about spiders. Chaos, damn it.”

“Well, I think you have far more important things to deal with.” Silver looked over to Shadow, his golden eyes dimmed and he pursed his lips.

I rubbed at my temple, feeling a headache approaching, “Are you sure? I feel bad for making you just fly on your own this time.”

Silver sighed and rocked on his feet, heel to toe. “I’m totally fine, I can handle it.”

“Yeah, sure, leave the fate of the world in the hands of Bargain Bin Sonic.” Shadow laughed.

“I am more powerful than the both of you.” Silver sneered.

“And you have no clue how to use your powers.” Shadow clenched the lavenders close like Silver would snatch them away from him.

“You're lucky you’re…” Silver trailed off. His eyes darted around between I and Shadow, then he focused on the kids.

I felt a pang in my chest. Taking a deep breath, I acknowledge that I was over thinking it. This stress was really getting to my head.            

…

 

The next day Shadow was fully healed as if nothing happened. It may have been a bit slower of a process than usual, but his healing factor did what it always did. Not even a scar and already had the fur and quills back.

One thing that didn’t change was that deep heavy look in his eyes. He slouched, snarling under a heavy brow as the nurse went over the discharge paperwork.

“Everything okay, honey?” I asked him as he slung his legs over the edge of the bed.

“I just can’t wait to be in my own bed. I could sleep for days. I’m tired of feeling this crummy. That was the only thing good about those medications, they gave me energy.” He didn’t even meet my eyes as he spoke.

There was a heavy weight between us, that impending sense of doom. I was better at fighting it off than he was. I could see the hopelessness in the way he pulled his shoulders forward. I just wanted to let him know that things could get better. That was the thing, it only ‘could’, nothing was certain.

Would we feel better when the diagnosis came to light? Would we be satisfied with answers? I allowed myself to take hope in him accepting treatment, but now with the coming news, my optimism was once again failing me. And it only grew more by the moment, that sick, twisted feeling that constricted my insides.

Tails stopped by earlier that day to let us know that he and the neurologist Dr. Crimson, were finalizing their findings and would be ready to share with us after Shadow was discharged. I didn’t like the look in his eyes.  

Now the formalities were out of the way, it was time to face this villain head on, learn the nature of the beast.

I took a deep breath and stood in front of him, taking his hands in mine. He looked up at me, his rubies glowed like fading stars.  

“Whatever happens, I’ll be right here. We will find a way through this.” I told him.

He smiled behind exhausted eyes, “How is it I haven’t scared you off yet?”

“You know me, I don’t scare easily.” I eased in closer to him.

He reached around the small of my back, drawing me in between his knees where he sat. Our faces hovered just hairs apart. I felt his breath on my cheek and took in his scent. It was that subtle pheromone that got me every time. It was like maple wood and just a note of honey. More than the kiss, I loved the anticipation. The tingle that danced up my spine and warmth that spread across my shoulders. When we gave into our desire, it was one of the sweetest kisses I’d ever tasted. I was starving for his affection, and he was the finest of grapes, picked fresh from the vine. My soul needed it, to drink him in, the vigor of his soul, and while his body was still weak, I could find that strength in him and pull it to the surface.

I pulled away and gave him a good hard look. He was so hopeless before, now I saw it. Those rubies had flame. That was not just Shadow, that was my Shadow.   

 

A deep red wolf stepped into the hospital room. She peered over half-moon glasses with piercing violet eyes, readjusting her doctors coat as she addressed us, “Good morning gentlemen. I’ll have you come with me, and we will visit in my office. Dr. Prower will be waiting for us.”

Shadow slid off the bed and we followed her down to her office. It had such a rich color scheme, soft buttery walls and earthy browns as accents. Everything was so clean, to a point it was unsettling. Not even so much as a fleck of dust on a filing cabinet. Her desk was a musky, stale, brown and her name plate looked like it could slice through skin.

Dr. Crimson the Wolf M.D. , Neurologist and Neurosurgeon

Tails sat behind the desk, off to the side. He had a friendly expression but I couldn’t mistake the look in his eyes, it was the same look he would have when he was uncertain of what we were getting into.

In contrast, Crimson was ice, not in coldness but in solidity. She sat behind the desk and motioned us to find out seats in the chairs in font. Dark, green knitted fabric that was scratchy and uncomfortable.

Shadow and I scooted the chairs together and held hands.

Crimson rested her elbows on the desk and laced her fingers together. “May I start by saying it is an honor to work for the both of you. Heroes, such as yourselves, deserve the best that medicine can offer, and I take pride in my ability to provide that. They don’t consider me top of my field for nothing.” She smiled and tilted her head down to look at us over her readers. “And I must say, this is a thrilling a fascinating case to work on. I hope that we can come to an agreement on treatment strategies. Shadow, I have the upmost confidence that we can tackle this and have you back up on your feet.” Her words put me at ease.

“Dr. Crimson, we need to consider all outcomes on this. You and I know that this isn’t going to be simple, and we can’t make lofty promises.” Tails sat forward; his tone of voice authoritative in a way I wasn’t used to hearing.

Crimson's tail flicked, “I know what I am doing Dr. Prower. I need them to trust the process.”

Shadow’s quills bristled, “Enough bickering, tell us what the hell is going on.”

Crimson's eyes widened as she sat back in her office chair, “I understand you are stressed, but that language is unnecessary.”

Those rubies darkened in her direction. Tails shifted uncomfortably and I followed suit.

Crimson took a deep breath, “Let’s get to our findings, shall we? Dr. Prower and I were able to break down the cellular and DNA structures of the tissues that were extracted. We were then differentiated between the healthy and unhealthy cells and found that there were significant changes between the DNA of the two. It appears that the effected area is caused by genetic mutation. Being as your medical history is unclear, we have no reference for when this mutation could have initially occurred. But we believe it has been present in the brain for a significant amount of time.”

Tails sighed, his eyes drifting lazily from me over to Shadow, “This conclusion we came to because of your healing factor. From previous experiences I have had with you, I know that you can heal of a rate up to ten times faster than the average Mobian. but also that it’s dependent upon how severe your injuries are. Upon putting the effected cells in petri, we found their growth is significantly slower. Once the cells reach a certain level of maturity, they begin to deteriorate. The overactive neurons we were seeing in the CT scans and then again in MRI, were what I suspected. You’re healing factor is working overtime to compensate the degeneration of cells…” Tails readied himself for his next sentence, “What’s going on in your brain right now is an all-out civil war.”

“But you just said that my healthy cells grow faster than the sick ones.” Shadow rested his elbows on his knees and folded over.

Tails made an o with his lips and blew, “Here is where the speed change in your healing factor comes in. If you received a critical enough injury, it could have allowed the disease enough time to populate, ultimately slowing down your healing abilities all together. Can you think of any instance this could have happened?”

Shadow pulled his lips in and bit down. I watched flickers of thought drift through his eyes. Fear? Worry? Shame? He closed his eyes tight and let out a deeply pained groan.

“What? What happened?” I asked, my heart picking up pace.

His eyes drifted to the floor, and he clenched his teeth. Those eyes found their way back to me. I felt his shame through the way he pulled himself together, “Remember when I accompanied you on your last mission to the Starfall Islands?”

“You went missing for a couple of days, I figured you got caught up in some other business.” I tensed.

“One of those titans gave be a brutal hit. Tore right through my chest.” His eye pulled up in the middle.

There was rope tying around my lungs, “You hid that from me?”

“I didn’t want you to freak out. I knew it would heal. I just… I didn’t want you to see me like that.”  He pulled his arms in tighter, “Fuck. I am so sorry. How was I supposed to know?”

“I thought we weren’t keeping secrets like that anymore?” I grimaced.

“It wasn’t a big deal. I heal. I always do. That’s how it’s been…I..” He buried his face in his hands rubbing. I could see him processing all of this, shifting his weight, struggling to get comfortable in that all to stiff fabric seat, “Be blunt… Am I dying?”

I recoiled at those words. I yanked my feet up into the seat and used them to guard my heart.

“If the disease continues at this rate, we have no definitive answer how much time you will have left.” Crimson gave as blunt of a response as she could.  

My walls cracked, and the light from the inside poured out letting in a midnight black fog.

Shadow’s shoulder relaxed and he sat himself up, “I’m…mortal.” He muttered.

“We do have treatments in mind that could potentially reverse the progression of the disease.” Tails’ voice was desperate to break the tension.

“Bear in mind, these are all extremely unprecedented circumstances, so we are only looking at experimental treatments.” Crimson tossed in.

“Experimental treatments?” Shadow compounded weight into each word. His eyes bored into Crimson like he could burn straight through.

Tails reeled back in his seat; I shrunk.

Crimson brought her hands up, “Of course, what did you expect? Your biology is so complex and unique, it was always going to be the most likely options.”

Shadow got to his feet, his muscles pulled under the skin, “Don’t fucking patronize me! I wanted solutions, not to be asked to be your…lab rat.” He spat the last words. His eyes were bright and wild, even against the bags that still hung underneath them.

“You're being unbelievably unreasonable.” She stood up as well and huffed.

Shadow scoffed, “Unreasonable? You think, I, am being unreasonable?”

“Crimson don’t.” Tails pleaded.

She stood her ground and looked him dead in the eyes. 

“Don’t you fucking dare! Do you think that I don’t know what experimental treatment means? I WAS the experiment! I SAW what that did to her!” His fists clenched and his body shook. I feared what he would do.

“I can assure you this is not the same…”

“BULL FUCKING SHIT! I KNOW WHAT TYPES LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT!” His fangs showed in full, razor blades ready to tear her throat.

“Shadow please, you need to get a hold of yourself.” I begged.

“SHUT UP! This is exactly why I didn’t want to be treated. It’s because of conceited, self-aggrandizing pieces of shit like her!” He snarled at me, then pointed a bear claw at her. His eyes snapping back to her as if contemplating murder, “Be honest with yourself and me. I’m not a person to you. I’m a puzzle, a game, something you can just toy around with until you get the fun little results you want.”

Crimson’s confidence fell. She stepped back, “It’s not what I intended to make you think.”

“To fucking late, lady. I have dealt with enough people like you to know. You tell yourself that you're ‘doing the right thing’, you take zero accountability for who you hurt.” Shadow’s eyes shot wide, like full moons. The way his irises darted I recognized the signs.

“Shadow, sit down, you need to focus on your breath.” I got up and stood beside him. My hands reached out to guide him back, but he pushed me, one hand against my chest holding me out at arm’s length.  

“Don’t touch me.” He growled.

Tails and Crimson were now arguing but it was all background noise as I dropped into the hurt I felt.

“Shadow, I need you to calm. I know what she is saying has you over the edge, but we haven’t even heard what they have to suggest yet.” I begged.

“Don’t take her side!” He lunged at me. I stumbled back and he continued his pursuit, “You pushed me into this! I told you I didn’t want this. You’re my husband, you’re supposed to be supportive of me!”

“What else do we have to choose? You’re dying.” I whimpered, tears beading in my eyes as I continued to back away from him.  

My back hit the wall, his eyes ripped into black holes consuming all light and air around him. “I’d rather die!” He threw a fist into the wall behind me. It shook the room and left me trembling.

The dam broke, rivers poured from my eyes. Was that really how he felt? Was death the only option he desired?  

His eyes changed to a lighter hue, his brow falling and face twisting into remorse. He backed away and soon tears were pouring down his face as well. “No..I am so sorry..I shouldn’t have…”

Sinking to the floor he got on his knees and held his face in his hands, rubbing and running them back to his quills, “Why, why did I do that.. I shouldn’t have.” He spiraled into anxious babble. I got down beside him.

“No. It’s okay. I know this is all so scary.” I said to him, reaching my arm around him to comfort him.

“It’s not okay, I’m a monster. I scared you. I shouldn’t have. I can’t.” He continued to babble.

I was at a loss. Shadow was gone. Swirling into the self-loathing that I had worked so hard to help him out of. He was right, he shouldn’t have scared me like that. But I acknowledged it for what it was.

I didn’t mean to… Crimson had him in survival mode and I misstep and made him feel trapped. No, he shouldn’t have done that, but I should have given him space when he demanded it. I pushed the issue. I let my own fear talk instead of simply listening. Now he was falling to pieces. All I could do now was wait for his storm to pass.

The room was quiet, with the stale taste from overworn emotions. Shadow and I shared our tears, clawing out whatever desperations plagued the both of us, and letting them leave us in sobs and pained glances. And with time, the emotions gave way to thick, all consuming numb.

Tails came over to us and sat down cross legged, his eyes looking at us both somber and hopeful. Shadow and I collected ourselves and looked to him, anticipating what he had to say, “Shadow, I want to know for sure what you want. Not what you think others want from you. It is your right to choose what happens. I understand that these past few weeks have worn on you heavily, and I am sorry that the medications didn’t turn out they way I had hoped. Turns out your condition was causing them to work against you instead of for you. I’m not looking for your trust right now, I’m just looking to understand where you are at.”

Shadow looked dead, like he was picturing his own grave. He closed his eyes and softened his face, and once he opened his eyes he melted into forlorn, “I don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay too.” Tails nodded, “What I wanted to say, before miss sorry case for bedside manner,” He glared over at Crimson, who was now sitting with her tail tucked between her legs, “Sent you into a tirade, is that we do have options. They aren’t guaranteed, but they could definitely buy us some time. Are you familiar with gene therapy?”

Shadow nodded, “I might have some experience with it. I have a lot of repressed memories.” His voice groaned and whined with exhaustion.

“Gene therapy is very noninvasive. Especially the way I plan to handle it. It will be a shot about once a week, we can tweak it depending on how things go. We will keep a close track of your symptoms. As it stands because of the nature of your condition, we have no clue how it will continue to affect you. But keeping track of how symptoms progress, or lessen we can possibly predict where this is going. Do you think that’s something you would be willing to try?” Tails gave a half smile that rebelled against his dreary eyes.

Shadow’s eye pulled at the corners; I couldn’t imagine how much pain he was in. “I’ll try it.” He sighed.