SubZero-Sum Game

Amy swallowed and, shifting both plastic bags to one hand, knocked on the stained, yellowing door. She had never thought her and Sonic’s apartment particularly high-end, but at least the hallway outside their door was well lit and carpeted, unlike here. The stench permeating the neglected space alone was giving Amy second thoughts, but she forced herself towards her goal.

The door cracked open, bound by a security chain, and a pair of white irises swimming in black sclera glared at her. “Who the fuck are you?” A gruff voice demanded.

“I-“ Amy’s words caught in her throat, trepidation gripping her tightly, pulse pounding in her ears. All her instincts screamed flee, that she had no business being here. Danger everywhere. What could she possibly be thinking? Amy should have run, but instead she coughed and croaked, “I’m here to talk to Liam.”

The beady eyes narrowed and ran along her body in a way that revulsed Amy. The door slammed shut and she flinched, taking a step back. After some scraping on the other side, the door flung fully open, revealing the owner of the dark eyes: a lanky, tall octopus with a pale purple coloration in a stained wife beater.

“’Bout time that horny fuck called a whore.” The man said, stepping aside to allow Amy entry into the gloomy apartment. “Tell the bastard he’s on the hook for fixin’ any gouges he’s put in the walls, or I’ll carve the security deposit out of his ass.”

“What the hell you open the door for?” A snide voice called from deeper in the apartment.

The octopus turned. “Dog called his bitch finally!”

Amy’s face burned, but she didn’t see any benefit in opening her mouth to correct the misconception. Liam had complained about his roommate on occasion, but she really didn’t know the details of his situation. Fighting the screams of fear and caution vibrating in her skull, Amy crossed the threshold. Liam’s scent, heavier and headier than normal, engulfed her and she slowed her breathing to limit how much she drew in.

Still, intensely unwanted heat began to build in her abdomen. The involuntary reaction seemed muted as if even her instincts rejected the response. As if this wasn’t wanted. As if Liam wasn’t who was wanted.

“Mind your fucking tongue then, you degenerate.” Amy couldn’t yet see the source of the second voice.

The octopus slammed the door shut behind Amy, causing her to jump. “Fuck you, man. You ain’t my mother.” He moved further in and Amy slowly followed past a grimy kitchenette that desperately needed a scrubbing.

The windows were tightly covered with dark sheets, giving the interior a gloomy atmosphere. A bare lightbulb hung from a wire over a dingy table at which sat an unfriendly looking opossum, the owner of the second voice. He gripped a lit cigar between his teeth and considered Amy warily. Her entrance had brought a halt to his work, which appeared to be counting through stacks and stacks of crumpled banknotes covering the surface of the table.

Amy turned away immediately, wanting absolutely nothing to do with whatever was going on there.

“Smart girl.” The opossum said. “First door on the left. Code’s the year. Do what you got to do and I’ll keep ink for brains out yur hair.”

“You spouting shit, Clutch? You’re not the boss o’ me!” The octopus shrank and grew thicker, his lanky arms filling out until they became cords of muscle.

The opossum returned to his counting, bills quickly shuffling from one hand to the other. “How many limbs you figure Fin’ll leave you with, you go fucking around?”

“I, uh, brought some things for him.” Amy lifted the shopping bags, derailing the men’s conversation.

Of course she couldn’t let all those pastries go to waste, so she had meekly asked the manager at the coffee shop for a bag…after she had sat for a prolonged moment mulling over everything Eclipse had said. Amy had decided to wait to tell Shadow what had transpired. Eclipse’s comments about Shadow’s anger seemed in fun, but she couldn’t be certain. She told herself she needed more time to think about what to do.

“Oh, shit, grub? Hand it over, lady.” The octopus snatched the plastic KK to-go bag. Amy gripped the handle of her remaining plastic bag tightly. Though she’d brought the leftovers for Liam, perhaps they were better used as a sacrifice to remain in the good graces of these strange men.

“You’re a graceless louse, Mimic.” The opossum growled but returned his attention to his task.

As the octopus dug through the KK bag, Amy turned down the corridor the opossum had indicated. Several of the bulbs in the line of lights leading down the hall were burnt out, giving the space a disused liminal quality. The walls, all of them, were bare. This wasn’t a home, just a place to store people overnight.

The first door on the left was nondescript except for a latch, sealed with a number lock – code’s the year –, had been crudely screwed to tightly link the door and its frame. Amy frowned. Another door that locked from the outside. She wondered how often Liam had left or if his roommate had had enough of the rutting Alpha and just left him locked inside.

Amy raised her fist, ready to knock, and froze. This was a bad idea, wasn’t it? He’d told her to stay away. She simply shouldn’t be here. So, why was she? Weren’t there enough things for her to worry about already? Why did she have to kick a bee’s hive as well?

Because she was curious. Because she couldn’t bring herself to abandon Liam, at least not until she heard his side of the twisted story she’d slowly been piecing together.

Amy’d glimpsed brief, fleeting connections and the threads pulled at her. She just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Liam and his warehouse of Omega heat suppressants. Shadow and his complicated family. Geoffrey and his intense ambitions. Everything felt connected somehow and Amy couldn’t explain why. Why did every part of her life seem to resonate?

Whenever she started thinking about all the strange coincidences, her mind would take off, racing through long circuitous routes that always brought her right back to where she had started. Every new detail changed seemingly unrelated bits completely.

Like the Robotniks paying for Liam’s freedom and owning Starline Pharma as well. Liam’s warehouse was filled with Starline Pharma’s suppressants, all with the same production timestamp from nearly a year ago…

Amy lowered her hand. Her suppressants had only changed a few months ago when the NHS contract had transferred to Starline Pharmaceuticals. Was it normal to make a whole warehouse of drugs that far ahead of approval? She’d forgotten to ask Sonic. And then there was something Orion had mentioned awhile back. Amy frowned and fished out her phone.

Loading up the OO forums, Amy found a new message from the admin. I apologize for my earlier tone. I believe I now understand your reticence… Amy scrolled up through the walls and walls of text he’d been sending her nearly nonstop for several days.

She promised herself she’d read it all eventually. Amy owed Orion that much at least. She didn’t consider him a friend on the same level as Sonic or Liam, even, but Orion was the only Omega with which Amy had much contact. Even though she didn’t agree with him on the Special Economic Zone, he seemed genuine in trying to make her understand his side of things. She’d put in the effort to try to understand his point of view.

Eventually, Amy found the message. The Starline pharma stuff is shit. Stop taking it. Orion seemed certain. Was it bluster or did he know something important? Was she being paranoid? This was ridiculous. But Amy couldn’t leave it well enough alone. Why do you think the star-phar stuff is bad? Just as she sent the message, she heard shuffling on the other side of the door. Amy jumped, remembering exactly where she was.

“Who’s there? You smell like shit.” An irate voice issued from behind the door.

Amy trembled and considered fleeing. If she left immediately, maybe he’d never know she was even here. Which was a stupid idea because, duh, his roommates would tell him. “Liam, it’s me.” She leaned towards the door.

“A-amy?” Liam’s voice was strained and muted through the thin wood of the cheap door. “W-what are you doing here?”

A good, terrible question. “I wanted to talk to you.” How do you know the Kintobors? How do you know the Robotniks? “I have-“

A loud bang erupted from the door and Amy shrieked as it shook against the frame and made the latch rattle. “I told you not to come here!” Liam roared, a vitriol she’d never heard spewing from his voice before. Amy’s ears pinned and she retreated from the door and pressed her back against the opposite wall. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” Liam slammed himself against the door over and over, snarled speech dissolving into incoherency.

Amy pressed her hand against her chest and took a series of shuddering breaths, trying to command her body to calm. Shame on her for coming here. Shame on her for bothering him as he struggled with his rut. How selfish could she be? Couldn’t she have waited just a few more days? Why leave when she could help him?

She slid down the wall and watched the locked latch rattle as Liam tried to force the door open. What would he do if he got out? Would he hurt her? Rape her? Despite the danger, Amy couldn’t bring herself to leave, though it excited the annoying heat in her gut.

Eventually, Liam’s energy ebbed and the hallway grew quiet. “I’m sorry, buttercup.” The jackal’s voice was soft and reedy, exhausted and strung out. “But you got to go. I-I ain’t in no good place.” His thrashing had forced air through the crack between the door and floor, sending dangerous scents Amy’s way.

There was something, some undertone to Liam’s voice that stirred a tightness in Amy, filling her with a confusing cloud of urges. To comfort. To present. To be a mother, a lover, and a whore. She blinked furiously and dug a mask out of her bag. Shoving her face into the neutralizing scent casted out all the unwanted compulsions. Her head clearing, the heat in her belly unspooled, Amy realized this was her first time truly experiencing an Alpha in rut at close range.

“I brought you some things to help.” She said, rustling the plastic pharmacy bag. Inside was a small trove of items meant to help, according to the internet search results she’d read. Scent clothes, Dramamine, a collection of knot bands, and a bag of teriyaki flavored beef jerky among other things.

“You didn’t have to do all that, marshmallow. Come on. Just get out of here…please.” Liam seemed to be sitting on the floor as well. “I don’t want to hurt you, but…” He was breathing heavily and lust-clouded. “You don’t get it, banana split, I get through this door and I’m going to snap you in two like a toothpick. You gotta go!” Amy could hear Liam panting.

Holding the cloth close to her snout, Amy crawled across the corridor to lean against the door. “Do you really want to be alone right now? I can’t open the door and help you like that, but I can keep you company for at least a little while.”

His breath hitched and he released a stuttering whine. “…Sure…If you’re sure and you ain’t got nothing better to do, I don’t see how I can stop you.”

“Also,” Amy steeled herself for his reaction, “I have something to tell you that I didn’t want to send over text.” He wasn’t really in the best headspace so there was no telling how he’d react. But Amy had faith in him.

“Ah…yeah, about that,” Liam groaned, “you shouldn’t take anything I sent serious like…my phone got hijacked or something.” Amy smiled gently at his lie. “It’s all broke now anyways. Sorry, might need you to help set up a new one.”

“I wanted to tell you that…I won’t be stalking you anymore.”

“Oh.” Liam answered simply.

“I got a full-time gig, so I won’t be watching you work.”

“That’s…that’s great, beignet…Good for…you…” Liam’s dejected tone shriveled Amy’s heart. “You know, it was getting old anyways…like, like I don’t need you up all in my business anyways.”

“But,” Amy continued, ignoring Liam’s unnecessary attempts to save face, “I was hoping, maybe, we could still hang out sometimes?”

“Really?” She heard him perk up and her heart swelled. “Yeah, sure, totally.” He cleared his throat. “If I got time, sorbet. I got lots of irons in the fire, see. I’m pretty busy these days, but I might could move some stuff around, sure”

“I’d appreciate it,” Amy hid her grin with her hand even though Liam couldn’t see her, “you know, when you get a chance.”

“I’ll see what I can do, goober. I don’t know what you see in a fuck-up like me, but I-I’d really like it, actually. To keep being friends and all. That’s-” He grunted. “Aw shit, that’s just nice. Amy, you’re…nice, too.”

“Thanks. I think you’re nice as well, Liam.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Amy could hear Liam’s labored breaths through the door. Occasionally he grunted softly. She had bought a fresh can of scent deodorizer along with all the Alpha supplies and drenched herself, so Amy hoped her scent wasn’t aggravating his rut any. If he thought she was an Omega, Liam would likely be much more aggressive, mindlessly so.

“I miss her.” He said suddenly in a small voice and Amy’s heart tightened. There was no mystery about who he was talking about: his Omega.

“Do…you want to tell me about her? If…it’ll help?” Amy offered, before backpedaling immediately. “Of course, you don’t have to if you-“

“Yes.” He answered, emphatically. “God, fluffernutter, yes I want to talk about her. It’s all I ever want to talk about.” He drew a pained breath. “But first…you got to know ‘bout me. No way, no how you see how perfect and beautiful she was without knowing just how much of a shit-covered slimeball I was- am.”

“Liam, you’re not-“

“You don’t know me, Amy! You think you do, but yur wrong…fuck me, if we’re friends- if that ain’t just some bullshit then you-! Then just fucking listen to me, god damn it!”

Amy sat very still, unsure of how to parse Liam’s rut-addled words. “Okay.” She answered finally.

“Fuck…I’m sorry I’m yelling, I just…” He groaned. “Look, I got to keep talking or all I’m going to be able to think about is ripping this fucking door off its stupid hinges and-” Liam made a strangled sound and Amy heard his claw digging trenches into the thin wooden barrier separating them. “I-It goes like this…”

“I was the youngest of fifteen. All boys. My Pa kept my Ma stuffed. Year in, year out. Never gave her a break. I was the last straw, though. I came out fine, but she wasn’t doing so hot. He still wanted more. The family wasn’t big enough yet, not for him at least…

I wasn’t even weened yet when she, already getting big again, started bleeding. It was bad, Two told once. Ma was pale as the moon. All her color coming out to sit in puddles on the floor.

We lived out in the sticks, you see, far away from anyone who’d have the balls to tell my Pa he couldn’t do whatever the hell he wanted. When he finally decided she wasn’t going to walk it off, the nearest hospital was still hours away over rough roads. Two said Pa just told us all to wait.”

There was a long pause. Amy’s throat was clenched and her body tensed against the inevitable horror, the unchangeable tragedies of the past. Her breath came tiny and shallow into her lungs as she waited for Liam to continue. Some foolish part of her held onto the childish belief that if he just didn’t say any more, none of it would be real. Or, at least, she realized with a pang of guilt, none of it would be real for her.

“Well, when he finally came back…he was alone. No one was allowed to talk about her no more. I was so young then, I-I-I don’t even remember her face. Hell…I barely learned her name. Everything I know is just what my brothers would say when Pa’s back was turned. And they was kids then when Ma was still alive, too”

“That’s horrible!” Amy exclaimed. “Liam, I am so sorry. That must have been terrible.” Her words felt insultingly inadequate, but she didn’t know what else to say.

He laughed, short and rueful. “Yeah, it must have been, huh? But I didn’t know no better. That’s how it was and there wasn’t nothing else. There was just the pecking order, oldest stacked on top of the youngins, with Pa lording it up over all us. You did what he said, else there were fourteen sets of fists ready to feed you a knuckle sandwich.”

Anyways, we moved around a lot after Ma died. Something about people always looking for us. That was probably pure bullshit, but I sure didn’t know it at the time. We always had to be on the move. We couldn’t let them catch us. Had to stay together as a family. All fifteen of us had to learn to take care of ourselves, which just meant Pa taught us how to kill.

Claws, guns, knives. Pa’d pair us up to beat the shit out of each other. When he was pissed with me about this or that, he’d pair me with one of my eldest brothers and they’d give me the licking Pa was too busy or whatever to doll out.

He numbered us instead of using our names. I was last. I should have been Fifteen, but Pa called me Zero. Nothing. I’d always be the youngest. Always be the weakest. Always be the last reminder to Pa of Ma. I fucking hated that name. Ditched it the moment I could later. Called myself Infinite instead…shit, I’m getting ahead of myself.

When I was old enough to keep my god damned mouth shut, Two told me what Ma’d named me. Liam. Mean’s warrior or something. Two was…” Liam paused, pensive. “Jackob? He might…Maybe I should try to find him. He was alright…I hope he’s alright.

Anyways, some of my brothers were assholes. One and Six were Alphas too, and they both near about killed me at one time or another. Fuck, rutting together sucked. They’d of fucking killed me and probably offed each other too if Pa hadn’t stopped them. None of that Alpha familicide shit, he’d say.

Still, when he wasn’t looking, they’d go at me again. So, I got real mean and crafty. Eventually only One could really put me in my place. Things got a little better after that, but I stilled vowed that I’d be the last one standing, the last of us alive no matter what…and that’s about how it ended up going. B-but I’m getting ahead of myself.

By the time I was seven or eight, Pa said the Provinces were getting too hot and took us overseas. We started working jobs. Tearing shit up and roughing up unlucky fucks, mostly. Pa had us organized pretty well, for a squad of mostly boys whose balls hadn’t even dropped yet. We started getting better jobs and for once there was enough scratch coming in that even I got a full belly every night.

We did some terrible things. I did some truly, horrible things, but I didn’t see it like that at the time. Other people weren’t people to us. There was us, the family, the squad, and then there was fucking everybody else. If Pa said shoot that cowering motherfucker in the head, then I did.

And I always did. I-I…did every single time.”

Liam paused, perhaps listening for Amy beating a swift exit. She remained in place, but she didn’t trust herself to speak. Amy felt dizzy no matter how much she huffed her mask.

“Two left first and we weren’t allowed to talk about him no more. Nine caught a punch to the jaw wrong and hit his head on something sharp on the way down. I’d seen plenty of corpses before then, but he was the first of us to get all the way gone. It didn’t seem to daunt Pa none, which didn’t sit well with Five and he took Fourteen and fucked off in the dead of night.”

“At the time, I thought they were cowards and pussies. I was happy when Pa started sending us on wetter jobs…I thought I had something to prove. If I was vicious enough, heartless enough, then Pa…maybe he’d…” Liam huffed. “It’s so fucked. I wanted to impress him. Desperately. How fucking pathetic is that? He was a fucking monster, and I looked up to him for it. God, I wish I had had the sense to sneak out with Five and Fourteen. Fourteen even woke me up and asked me to come and I…I got up to tell Pa on ‘em.

“When I was fifteen there only about eight of us left plus Pa. He got us ‘good’ work with this company, Black Arms or something. Private army type shit. Go wherever, do whatever. Laws don’t apply and all that matters is who’s willing to go the hardest, get their teeth and claws the most bloody.

It was actually better in a lot of way because it was mostly boring as fuck. Most jobs were just ‘keep this wealthy fuck alive in a war zone’ or ‘break into this politician’s house and spook the fuck out of his wife’. He had to mix with other guys working for the Black Arms and Pa was getting on, so he didn’t lead on jobs no more. Instead, we answered to-“ Liam stopped mid-sentence and made a series of snarling grunts.

Eventually the attack faded and he began again. “I…liked it. I was good at it. I thought I could do it for the rest of my life.

Eventually I was the best in Pa’s eyes. I was a demon. A true nasty piece of work. Had all my brothers afraid of me and Pa called me a leader ‘cuz I could keep everyone in line. One hated that so I took one of his eyes with my bare claws. Pa really seemed to love me after that, so I love the violence and the blood too.”

“But,” Liam’s voice took on an airy tone, “then I met Ruby and everything changed. The squad was laying low in Apotos and I was bored as shit. I didn’t feel like getting high or fucking a whore, so I’d wander the city. There was this park, fuck was it gorgeous, stone statues and fountains with birds singing and shit, just the most romantic bullshit. She was there sketching something, I dunno, a tree? I laid eyes on her and my heart just tore itself out my chest to settle next to hers. I…never got it back.

We couldn’t hardly talk at first, she being Apotosan and all and me being an uneducated swine, but we didn’t need to. Just being near her made my chest feel like it was on fire. I’d watch her paint for hours. Everyday I was with her, I discovered a new color in her work. The world doubled in size every time she looked at me. For the first time, the world wasn’t my enemy. All those emotions Pa said were for fags and pussies suddenly had names and uses. Hell, I-I don’t even think my world had color until I met Ruby.”

Fuck, she was so, so god damned beautiful. She smelled like lemon and olives. Bright. So impossibly bright, like the brightest sunny day. Fucking hell, I was so worthless. Why’d she waste her time on me? W-why’d she have to go a waste herself on me? I-If she h-hadn’t then- If she’d just told me to fuck off, she’d still be…” Amy could hear Liam gasping and her eyes rose to the number lock barring the door. The urge to break the barrier between them and provide him with comfort was nearly unbearable. She wanted to hug him, to hold him, to give him something soft and kind.

“I thought being an Alpha was all about rubbing your cock in everyone’s face, daring them to give you a reason to put them in the dirt. Show off how you got the biggest dick and tear the face off anyone who dared say otherwise. Ruby taught me how fucking backwards I was. All that rage and lust and anger, I was misusing it all, trying to dominate a world I didn’t even understand.”

Liam lapsed into a silent reverie. Finally, he said, “The day she offered me her shoulder was the best day of my life.

I didn’t have much to my name and I’d only leave the squad with the shirt on my back, but I put her up in an apartment near this fancy art school she wanted to go to. Fuck it was expensive, but I didn’t give a shit. I-I’d just figure it out. I just needed to do one more big job to get the cash for us to be settled for a bit. I’d quit the Black Arms, give Pa the finger, and go straight. I’d do whatever it took to make her dream come true. I’d lick shit off the bottom of tourist shoes if that’s what it took to get the money she needed to be happy and do her art.

I didn’t have to wait too long for that job. The big boss was making some moves in Mizuri. Back then, shit was going sideways there, and it was attracting all the vultures and dark-hearted sonsabitches from all over. Changing of the guard level type of shit where everything is up for grabs and laws ain’t nuthin’ ‘less you got a gun. Heads on pikes level savagery. Omegas in cages type shit.

I knew the job was gonna be bad, ‘specially ‘cuz, thanks to Ruby, I knew everything my brothers and I did was reprehensibly disgusting. But those ‘Zuri mutherfuckers…machetes, man. Fucking kids with machetes. Worst shit I’d ever seen. We were working this whole security detail thing, what was left of the family and a couple of other Black Arms guys. Driving through the shit, make shady deliveries. He was leading us.

Of course, the job went south. We were completely blindsided by an ambush. Pa went down first…and after that nearly the whole team…all my family got…”

Liam fell into a prolonged silence. ”He and I were fucking done too, but Clip showed up out of nowhere and we managed to bail.” He begun again. “One and Six were gone. Just me left. I was right…I was the last Alpha standing…Like my shitty little boy wish came true…I was almost happy. How fucked up is that? I was happy Pa got got, but my brothers? Fuck One, that psycho can burn in hell, but Four and Seven and Twelve…

’Cuz Pa was gone I thought I could be with Ruby without any baggage. I was happy how it all went down because I could get my dick wet without getting walked in on…maybe that’s why…what happened was my fault…my punishment. The universe making me pay for my shitty, dark soul…”

“Liam…”

“Anyways,” He rushed on, speaking over her protests, “me and…well, we got to the coast and found a boat. I don’t know how the three of us ended up in Apotos, but we did. Shit was hot and we had to lay lower than low. Mizuri was all over the news and everyone and their dog was horrified. Being even close to the massacre was radioactive.

We couldn’t just get a hotel because our papers were no good. Clip went to go get new ones, leaving me and that monster alone. I don’t know why I suggested it. Maybe I just wanted to see Ruby so bad I lost all my god damned brains. I…took us to Ruby’s apartment.”

“She was at class. I just needed a few hours, then they’d pay me, and leave me to my life. She’d never even know they’d been there.”

Liam choked. “I- I- I- had to go out. Get something. Fuck, I don’t remember what. Cash, food, fuck. Something stupid. Maybe he was just being an insufferable prick. I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have fucking left him alone there!”

“She…” His voice was barely over a whisper and Amy strained to hear every tragic syllable. ”She came home early.”

Liam fell silent. Amy leaned closer to the door, pressing her ear against it. Her pulse thundered in her ears, her body burning with the terrible scenarios spooling out in her mind’s eye. Through the hollow wood, she could hear him weeping. “I tried to let the law handle it. I tried to pretend I was a normal person, like who I wanted to be with Ruby. But he had money and lawyers and…there was no justice. He killed Ruby and nothing happened to him. He…just got away with it.”

Amy sagged against the door. That’s how it went. An Alpha killing an Omega just wasn’t a crime that anyone could be convicted of.

“So, I went back to who I was, who I’d been raised as. I tried to make my own justice. I’ve killed so many people, Amy, and no one batted an eye. But I failed to snuff out the one monster who actually deserved it…It’d be funny if it wasn’t so fucking sickening.”

Amy was divided painfully. She desperately wanted to ask who! Who killed Ruby? But a stronger part of her was terrified of that forbidden knowledge. The answer was deadly poison. Amy already knew too much and, if she pressed any further, she would throw open the lid to Pandora’s Box. Of this an unconscious part of her was certain, as certain as it was of her need of air or that her heart needed to beat. A block had formed in her mind without her noticing, preventing her from piecing the puzzle together. As if some wiser, fearful part of her was convinced she was better off not knowing.

This she had to leave well enough alone.

“Thank you, Amy.” Liam sounded rough and wrung out like a well-used rag. “I’ve never had anyone to talk about her with. Ten years and no one’s ever cared to listen. It’s like the world just wanted to forget about her. Bury me and pretend she never lived. And…it hurts. I had to keep going to keep her memory alive.”

Amy had no words. What could she possibly say to make this, any of this, better? But she had to say something, didn’t she? Liam had borne his soul to her, tainted and broken and mournful as it was, locked away and forgotten and left to rot into a bitter nothingness.

“I am so sorry. I- I don’t…I am so sorry, Liam.”

Liam’s story felt like a fable to Amy. He just didn’t seem to fit into the mold he’d described, as if there was some disconnect. The murderer, the mercenary, the heartless soldier he described himself as, whom he still thought himself as, felt detached from the reality Amy knew. Ten years had passed and the chalk outline drawn around the boy no longer fit the man.

“But you’re wrong,” Amy found herself speaking into the crack between the door and frame, “that’s not who you are anymore.” She paused, giving space for his inevitable rejection, but when he remained silent, she continued. “That’s not the you I know. People change…you’ve changed.”

He huffed. “Yeah, I guess you’re a little right. I gave the anger away, sure, but I ain’t giving up the sadness. The anger burned. It burned so hot that the pain of it kept the despair and sadness away. It was the closest thing to happiness or pleasure I had, anger and hate.

But it was no good. After a couple years in the clink, I’d gotten tossed in the hole for some stupid shit and in the quiet I realized something. Ruby wouldn’t want this for me. To overcook in my own bile and hatred. Sure, she hated the killing, hated Pa, hated everything that made me me, but she saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself. Like I was one of her blank canvases. The paint doesn’t make the beauty, she used to say. The paint revealed the beauty.

So, I figured I could still be that man I wanted to be with her. I’d do my time and try to live. Honor her by becoming the man she knew I could be. The first thing that had to go was the anger. And I-I-I know I’ve not done a good job of it, that I’m still a shitbird, but I’m trying, peanut-brittle. I am! I promise I’m trying!” His voice grew shrill as he pleaded.

“Liam, I know! I know you are! Please, take a breath.” Amy tried to reassure him, but the rutting jackal continued to spiral, his distress and desperation lacing his voice with signals to which Amy’s body responded. Without meaning to, she pushed to her feet and gripped the lock – code’s the year – before she could stop herself.

He must have heard her fiddling, because his tone changed immediately. “Don’t you fucking dare!” He punctuated the command by slamming his shoulder into the door.

Amy’s fingers flew away from the lock as his Voice took control of her body.

An icy floe rushed through Amy’s veins as she blinked rapidly, trying to process what had happened. She looked around her, remembering where she was, what she was doing. She desperately pushed back the rolling horror trying to overwhelm her as she realized fully what exactly Liam had just stopped her from doing.

“You…you can’t be doing shit like that, sugar plum…” Liam sounded exhausted. “Please, Amy, just go…Don’t worry about me. I’ll get through this. I’ve been getting through it for years. You being here…it’s nice. I’m grateful…but you’re tempting me and…I don’t want to hurt you, Amy. Amy. Please. Please just go, Amy.”

Amy approached the door and pressed her hands against it lightly. “O-okay, but promise you’ll text me? Even if your phone gets hacked again, it’s okay. I want to know you’re okay. I want you to know I’m there. You’re not alone.”

“Sure thing, baklava.” He slurred, the emotional toll of their conversation paired with the debilitating thrashes of his body over the past days dragging him into unconsciousness.

Amy left the bag of palliatives by his door. On her way out, the opossum aggressively ignored her and the octopus made some passing comment about how uninjured she appeared – “Damn girl, you’re a professional!” – but didn’t otherwise bar her from exiting.

Back on the street, Amy’s phone pinged and she drew it out of her bag. Realizing it was a text from Shadow, her pulse quickened. Despite the hurricane of thoughts whirling about in her head, she smiled reading it. In a very formal tone, he asked if he could pick her up that Saturday evening for a fine dinner and stroll down the river front. She quickly responded that she was looking forward to it.

Luckily, Sonic was going to be out with Silver on Saturday, so she didn’t have to worry about him seeing Shadow pick her up. Amy was really lucking out with how often Sonic was out of the apartment these days.