Symptoms

Emerald eyes. I always loved seeing my own eyes staring back at me. And it was so exciting to see our newest arrival had those very same eyes. Jade couldn’t have been more perfect. All three of them were. My and Shadow’s little miracles. Tails made it happen for us, just a few samples of blood from the both of us and within a year we were starting a family of our own.

Maria, our oldest, wanted to make her own bowl of cereal that day. I was so distracted with Jade, I didn’t notice she had gotten her hands on the Sugar Loops and dumped them all over the kitchen table. The tittering of dried grain against wood caught me on to what was going on. I was met with her ruby eyes looking up at me in bewilderment, fully aware of her mistake. The tiny blue hoglet desperately sweeping up the frosted circles and shoving them in her peach snoot as if that was the only way she could hide her mess.

“Shadow!” I shouted.

 I was met with a groan from down the hall in our bedroom.

“I know you like your sleep, but I can’t wrangle these three alone. You should see what Maria did to our kitchen.”  

Not another sound came from that room. I sat Jade down in her bassinet. She scrunched her face, splaying out her blue quills and fussed at being let go. The stripe of black down her forehead wrinkled as she burst into tears. “Come on, Jade, you’re moodier than Shadow.”

“I heard that.” A deep tenner spoke from behind. The smile deepened on my face. I turned to look back, beholden to the sight of the most gorgeous hedgehog I had ever laid my eyes on. Even in that bed head state, he was just as striking as ever. Jet black fur and quills with scarlet stripes. Those ruby eyes behind those heavy bags of sleep still took my breath away. He walked in beside me and rubbed the side of his face when he saw the brightly colored cereal bits all over the kitchen. “Why, Maria?”   

“I wanted cereal.” She spat bits of food as she tried to defend herself.

“I see that, but couldn’t you have waited for one of us to help you?” Shadow groaned as he went to look for the broom in the hall closet.

“I’m a big girl.” Her little blue arms crossed, and she stuck her nose up.

The exchange made me laugh. Jade refused to quit her crying, and I caved, picking the hoglet back up and letting her snuggle next to my chest. She pulled at the tufts of fur and calmed. I grimaced at the pain of her grip yanking against the follicles.

Whatever, it was better than crying.

A loud crack brought me back to what was happening in the kitchen. One of the wooden stools laid broken on the floor, the seat pulled from the legs. “Zephyr, Damn it.” I cursed.

The black bur flew back through the kitchen and into the living room where I was. He hopped up onto the couch and began jumping, “I wanna be faster than you daddy.”

“How many times do we have to tell you not to run in the house. Do you see daddy run in the house?” I scolded.

Zephyr blinked big green eyes at me as if I was speaking another language.

“Having kids was your idea.” Shadow said from the kitchen as he swept.

“It was a good idea, and I stand by it. These beautiful little hedgies are going to grow up to be the most amazing hedgehogs the world has ever seen. And do you know why?” I rocked Jade in my arms as I walked over to Shadow.

He looked up from his task, his eyes glazed with annoyance as they met mine.

“Because we are their dads.” I leaned in and stole a kiss. He smirked in response and returned to sweeping.

“You can be so over the top.” He said as he bent down to get the last of the cereal into the dustpan, “That would be a complaint, if I didn’t love that about you.”

I sat with Jade at the kitchen table, she was just starting to drift off. Whatever it was about my chest fur seemed to be the only thing that put her to sleep. I would just have to wait till she was completely out before I tried to put her back in the bassinet.

Shadow finished cleaning the mess and tossed the empty cereal box in the trash. He then went for the top cupboard beside the sink and pried out a new box from the packed shelf. If anything, keeping up with these kids’ appetites was the hardest. Come to think of it, it was hard enough for my mom to keep up with mine.

“Stop jumping on the couch and get in here!” Shadow shouted at Zephyr. The black hoglet zipped again back to the kitchen. Shadow got two bowls down and poured some cereal for both him and Maria. Zephyr hopped up onto a stool and put his tiny hands into it, eating the circles dry.

Shadow then scowled at the broken stool on the floor, “I don’t really have the energy for this today. You can fix that.”

“Fine by me, but you’re taking the kids to the library tomorrow.” I said.

Shadow squinted his eyes at me, “Fine.”

His squint went from a cheeky look of defiance to one that pulled at the sides of his face in discomfort.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess it must have just been a weird night’s sleep. Everything feels a bit fuzzy.” He turned to find the fridge and looked through it.

“You should eat something. I know my head gets fuzzy if I don’t.”

“But nothing sounds good.” He pulled out a jug of milk, “Did you eat my last strawberry yogurt?”

“No, I gave it to Maria.”

“And you couldn’t have mentioned something to me? That’s like the one thing that go to in the mornings. Well, that and coffee.” He stopped halfway back to the table with the jug of milk. “No… Somethings not right.” He muttered under his breath.

“What is it?” My head filled with concern as Jade snored into my chest.

I watched his expression flicker, one that was usually strong and stoic, was now cold and… scared. He stumbled forward but failed to get the jug to the table. It sloshed against the floor as it hit. His hands grasped the edge of the table, black and red fingers desperately clawing at the wood. Then he dropped to the floor.

I shot from my seat, finding him down on his knees, his claws still dug into the table. Jade woke up and wailed.  

“Daddy?” Zephyr dropped his cereal as he looked down.

I knelt beside him, his irises trembling, his expression vacant. “Shadow? Honey, talk to me.”

Only his lip quivered in response. I pushed Jade into the crook of one arm so I could reach for him. I placed a hand on the side of his face, it was cold and clammy. “Shadow, can you hear me?”

Nothing, not even a blink.

Adrenaline dumped. My mind raced trying to piece together what it was I was seeing. “Shadow?”

His arms dropped from the table, and he slumped, his breath coming in big shaking huffs.

“Shad, talk to me, please.” I begged.

“What’s wrong with daddy?” I heard Maria behind me.

Swallowing, I calmed myself, “Daddy Shadow will be alright. I think we need to get Dr. Tails.” Whatever was going on, he could figure it out.

I dashed over to the bassinet, put Jade down and let her continue her wailing. Dashing back, I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter, my hand struggling to find the buttons to get to Tails’ number. I could breathe just a tiny bit better when I heard his voice on the other end.

“What’s up?” He asked, his voice jarringly chip.

“I need you to come quick. There’s something wrong with Shadow.”

After the call, I returned to Shadow. He was sitting up still half dazed, “Shadow. I called Tails, he’s on his way over.”

“Head..” He whispered, his voice cores as sandpaper, one of his hands digging into his scalp.

“Come on, Let’s get you off the floor. Do you think you can stand?” I asked.

He looked at me, but I could barely find him behind those eyes. It was if he was buried thousands of miles away from me.

“Here,” I grabbed his arm and draped it over my shoulders. Wrapping an arm around his waist I hoisted him to his feet. The two of us worked our way over to the living room couch. His weight swaying and pulling me around with each step. Once I had him sitting, he blinked, recognition and presence returning to those eyes.  

Tails burst through the front door with a bag full of medical supplies slung around him cross body. Maria and Zephyr were quick to run up and welcome him. He shooed them off as politely as he could. “Daddy Shadow fell down.” Zephyr said. I resented how innocent they were.

I sat down beside Shadow, still reeling in the confusion and concern.

“What happened?” Shadow asked, his brow furrowed as he noticed Tails in the room.

“I don’t know. You just blanked out and fell to the floor.” I rubbed his back.

Maria and Zephyr were attempting to grab one of the two tails.

“Kid’s, go play somewhere else. Dr. Tails needs to look at daddy.”

“But I want him to play.” Maria pouted.

“Not now. Go somewhere else, okay. How about you get your dolls out and you and Zephyr can play with those.” I pointed in the direction of her room.

Zephyr’s eyes lit up, “I want the sheep.” He zoomed back to Maria’s bedroom down the hallway. Maria ran after him, frustrated that she couldn’t move as fast. I could hear her whimper and pout as the two were alone in her room. Giving a hefty sigh, I opted to let them fight it out.

I was just glad that Jade was finally asleep.

“You said he just collapsed?” Tails asked, reaching into the bright red bag.

Shadow shook his head, “No, I don’t need a doctor. I’m fine.” His voice was sharp.

“You do. Something is wrong.” I responded, my fingers threading through the quills on his back. I could still feel the dampness from his outbreak of sweat.

“I’ll be fine. Really, I don’t need all of this.” His brow dropped.

“Are you sure?” Tails pulled a light pen from the bag. He now had a stethoscope around his neck and a blood pressure cuff out on the couch beside Shadow. “You can’t just let something like that happen and not know what it is. What if something is wrong?”

Shadow tensed before Tails could shine the light in his eyes. His muscles coiled like he could spring off the couch and run away. “You know how I feel about this.” He growled, his eyes darting accusations at me. Tails turned the pen away.

“I don’t want doctors. I don’t want to be poked and prodded. Whatever happened was just some freak incident, and it won’t happen again.” he did his best to soften his tone, but the anger still lingered.

The pained look I gave in return, disarmed him. He sighed, “It’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen to me.” He reached out for my free had and squeezed it, “I am the Ultimate Lifeform after all.” He joked.

I relaxed. Shadow was so confident nothing was wrong, but even then, there was that knot in my gut that said something was. I recalled our vows. Shadow wanted me to agree that I would respect his right to choose. He spent so much of his life being controlled, abused, and neglected. Chaos knows what fifty-years in a vat could do to someone. It took a lot of convincing just to get him to agree to give a blood sample to create our children. I forced myself to let it go. If he didn’t want a doctor, I wasn’t going to force that on him.

“Thanks Tails, I think we will go without your services. Shadow seems to be himself again anyway.” I smirked.

“Okay, but if he has another episode, don’t be afraid to contact me. If it’s what I think it is, it could be potentially serious.” Tails proceeded to pack his things up and leave. I waved to him as he went out the door.

Shadow slouched, “I am feeling quite sleepy though. How about we cuddle for a bit?”

…

The next week was weird. Shadow forgot to take the kids to the library that next day. That was something that I was more likely to do than him. I remember that look of guilt and embarrassment on his face when I asked him about it.

He had such a distant look in his eyes. There were times I had to shout his name just to get his attention. At one point Maria was tugging on his arm asking to go play outside and it was as if he didn’t feel a thing. What unsettled me most, when that happened, was how his eyes twitched. It was as if he was waring with his own mind, his body nothing but a bag of sand. But as he did that first day, he blinked and returned to his usual self with no memory of what happened. I expressed concern, but he reminded me again that he didn’t want a doctor.

What truly set my alarm bells off, was when he turned down the one thing we enjoyed most, adventure.

Knuckles’ number rang on my phone. I pounced on it, snatching it up from the amber, brown coffee table. If it was Knuckles calling, it HAD to be something good.

“What’s Egghead up to this time?” I asked, bouncing as I landed back on the couch. I threw my legs across it and leaned back into the plush pillows behind me. They were needlessly, decorative, pincushion looking pillows, but Shadow had an eclectic taste.

“Let me guess, big robot, ancient deity, or evil gem?” I crossed my ankles.

“He actually did something more interesting this time. He opened up a rift and it’s letting in monsters from another universe in.” Knuckles laughed on the other end.

“That’s genuinely sick. What kind of monsters?” I sat back up on the couch, already thinking about what to do with the kids.

“Like living, sentient, metal. A lot cooler than anything he’s ever built. They’re all green and have a scary amount of eyes.”

I pressed the phone against my shoulder so that I could grab my shoes that sat just on the side of where I was sitting. “I’ll call Vanilla. She and Cream should be fine babysitting while we kick some ass. Where you at?”

“Rouge and I were just regrouping on Angel Island and thought we’d call on you guy’s for back-up. We got Omega watching ours, you wouldn’t think it, but the hunk of junk makes for a decent baby sitter.”

“Of course he’s a good babysitter for your kids. All Ruby wants to do is play with her mom’s jewelry and Arrow is content watching things explode with him.” I slipped the bright red shoes on.

“It’s not our fault you have difficult kids. That’s what you get for breeding with a hybrid.”

“They are not difficult, just expressive. And it wasn’t technically breeding, they were cloning tube babies.” I got up off the couch and went looking for Shadow.

“I don’t hear you denying that gene splicing with him was a bad idea.”

“Stop pretending you don’t like Shadow.” I held the phone against my chest, “Shadow, honey, Knux called he’s got a job for us. I think you’re really going to like this one.”

No response.

I grumbled. Shadow was always so quiet; it was hard to know if he heard me at all. I went down to the last room on the hall, that’s where the office was. Shadow was usually there reading a book or scrolling through the internet on our desktop. When I found him he was sitting in the big, brown, leather office chair staring out the lacy, white curtains at the flickie house on the other side of the glass.

“Shadow?”

He ignored me.

“Shad!”

The black hedgehog jolted in his seat.

“I swear, are you going deaf?” I huffed.

“Is everything alright?” I heard Knuckles voice mummer over the phone speaker   

“Everything is fine. Hold on, I’ll call you back.” I answered him and then hung up.

“I’m not going deaf.” Shadow turned around in his chair, his ears drooping. “I was just… daydreaming.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of ‘daydreaming’. ” I fussed, entering the room and leaning with one hand on the mahogany desk. “I was trying to tell you that Knux called and wanted us to help them out on another word saving mission. Eggman ripped a hole in reality, and it’s letting in some freaky stuff from another universe.”

Shadow scrunched his face as he looked at me, then his eyes fell away. “I don’t know, I think I will sit this one out.”    

“Really?” I furrowed my brow, feeling offended by his refusal. I stood up straight and crossed my arms, “This is the most interesting thing Egghead has done since before the kids were born. I thought you would be itching to get out and do something exciting. Besides, it might help clear up that brain fog you got going on.”

“Jade is just a newborn. I think I would rather stay here and take care of her.” He scootched back up in the chair. He was doing that thing with the folded posture that told me he was uncomfortable.

“You know Vanilla and Cream are perfectly capable of handling the kids. Jade isn’t going to make that any more difficult. I just figured you would be jumping at the chance to do something out of the ordinary.” I taped my foot.

His eyes dodged me, looking everywhere else in the room as if there were answers written on the walls. He slumped back down, his posture more guarded this time, “I’m just not feeling it this time.”

“What is going on? It’s like you’re absent. Does this have something to do with Black Doom? Is there something you’re not telling me?” I felt my face flush.

“No, It’s nothing to do with him.” Shadow closed his eyes and rubbed at his temple with the tips of his fingers, “And I have already told you everything. I don’t like you assuming I’m keeping secrets. I don’t know what’s going on. I just rather not deal with it.”

“I’m worried about you. The kids are getting worried. You’re not acting right.” My heart twinged as those words came out. It took everything for me to not raise my voice.

“I said I’m fine.” He sneered, “You know what, just go. I want to be alone. Just drop the kids off at Vanilla’s.”

His response stung. We’ve had disagreements before but typically he was more receptive than that. I could feel the wall between us. I was shut out, a heavy steel vault door that he slammed in my face. I sunk into that feeling of hurt and nursed it.

“Fine.” I stomped off, my ears burning. I wanted to say something, anything else, but when he’s in a mood like this he can’t be convinced that the sky is blue. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since I had seen him in a mood like that.

…

A massive explosion rocked the city street. Fire and smoke billowing up to the roof tops and underneath the inferno, an unearthly robotic beast laid crumbled. I shot through the war zone and cleared the civilians before anyone could get caught up in the next explosion to come. Knuckles and Rouge sent another one flying and crashed just feet away from the one I just took down. The two robots, both a roiling display of flame.

Knuckles twisted through the air and caught himself on the brick building beside me and looked down from the second story window he clung onto, “Where’s loverboy?”

“Being a grump.” I Spin Dashed up the wall and caught another bot that hovered just past us. I rolled back and landed on my feet just inside the ally way.

“When is he not?” Knuckles leaped up onto another flying bot, smashing his fist into the circle shaped screen on its front.

“He’s not been like this in a long time, cut him some slack.” I rolled into another Spin Dash, this time springing from multiple points. I took out five bots in one go, ricocheting off each one with enough force to make them explode. I twisted into a back flip, the air in my quills putting wings on my soul as I dropped. I could do this shit all day.

A series of beeps stole my attention. It was Tails’ code. Three dashes and a dot. I remembered he was still back home. What could he possibly be calling for?

I twitched my ear triggering the ear peace to answer. “I’m in the middle of something, bud. What’s the emergency?”

“It’s Shadow.”

My heart dropped. My body went cold, “Knux, you got this? I got to bail.”

He gave me a thumbs up.

I ran back down the alleyway, past broken, filthy, windows and piles of trash. Once I felt I was far enough away from the noise of the battle I resumed the conversation.

“What’s going on?” My voice quivered against my attempt to stay calm.

“I went by your house, and I found him unresponsive. I got him back to the medical clinic. He’s stable but still not responding.”

There was a rock in my chest. I ran my hands through my quills, “Okay… I’ll be there in a few. I got to let Knuckles know that I can’t finish this one.”

…

Knuckles didn’t let me go without giving me a hard time about it. But when he saw the look in my eyes, he knew to drop it. I don’t think a run home ever felt as long as that one did. I don’t think I could have run fast enough.

Tails had converted half of his workshop into a clinic. He even built on to it to accommodate more hospital rooms in case of emergency. Ever since he gave life to our three little hoglets, medicine has been his passion. It wasn’t anything fancy but when you walked through the hallway,  you could convince yourself this was just your average hospital.

It took seconds for me to find the room they were in. Shadow laid on a hospital bed, his quills matted and filthy. His face, it was that vacant expression again, just like the one he had when he collapsed at the kitchen table. His empty eyes locked onto the drop ceiling tiles. Tails had him strung up to monitors of all kinds. Electrodes were attached to his chest and a dozen or so to his head, nestled deep among the mess of quills, keeping track of the electrical impulses in his body.

That bone chilling beep of the heart monitor echoing through the sterile room. The whir of the blood pressure cuff as it inflated.

“Sonic, you’re fast as always. I timed that one at 12.65 seconds.” Tails pulled himself away from a computer in the far corner of the room. I hadn’t seen him behind the clutter of medical machinery. His eye fell deep with unease as he got up from the stool and walked over to Shadow’s bedside.

That rock in my chest grew larger and sharper, “How did you find him?”

“He was outside, I don’t know how long he had been there. I can’t explain it but something told me I should go by your place.” He turned back to me as I approached. It felt like I could rise out of my own body.

Tails continued, “As far as I can tell, what he’s having are generalized seizures. I’ve only started getting feedback from the EEG. The readings so far have been inconsistent. I haven’t administered anything knowing that he’s not comfortable with medical treatment, but since you are next of kin, I can let you make that call. The fist thing I would want to do is get him on an IV for anticonvulsant medication.”

“Yes, please. He can be as mad at me as he wants to be later.” I about sprung out of my fur. By this point I was visibly shaking.

“It’s going to be okay. Take a deep breath. I’ll get him treated.” The fox twisted around searching. He found a folding chair beside the desk he had been at and put it up beside Shadow, “Here, you can sit with him while I get everything going.”

As I sat beside him, I noticed the tension in my muscles. Everything felt heavy and sore. I grabbed on to his bare hand, one of my hands around his fingers and the other running along the curve of his inhibitor ring. I couldn’t take my eyes off that face. My mind felt like it was full of pillows. The more I tried to grasp something solid the more handfuls of fluff I got in return.

This was a nightmare. It didn’t make any sense. Shadow is invincible. I’ve watched him come back from stupid stuff. Hits from titans that would kill anyone else, battles with beasts that looked like they rose from the depths of the underworld. Shadow took every fight and returned without so much as a scar. He healed so fast, you never got the chance to see him injured. The contrast was stark, surreal. The Shadow in my mind’s eye was an intimidating figure, like sharp black swords with a blood rose glow. The Shadow in my eyes in that moment was cold, dull stone. Like a wet slab of concrete.

No. I was having a nightmare. I would wake up and all of this would be gone. I’m just anxious and insecure because Shadow has been acting weird lately.

Tails returned with an IV stand and worked on clearing the fur off the crook of his arm so he could insert the needle. I watched his every move like I was behind a screen. Those words flipped through my mind on repeat. This isn’t real, I’m not here, If I don’t think about it, this will go away.

I thought about being home with our three children. I didn’t care that they destroyed the house on a regular basis, they made life just as fun as when I would be out on an adventure. They were my way of bringing that adventure home. I adored taking that love in my heart and pouring it out into those lovely little eyes. I just wanted in that moment to find myself back home with them. With Shadow lazily lounging on the couch and giving me needless shit about the way I clean. I wanted to be home with him, looking back at me over his shoulder with those half-closed eyes, daring me to do something to get on his nerves. I wanted that sneer he gave me before we would tear into each other for the thrill of it.

I blinked, my vision returned to the current moment. Dream? Nightmare? This was somewhere in between and I had no choice but to ride it out.

The IV was set, the medication doing its job. The way his chest rose and fell seemed to relax and grow deeper. I looked back up to his face, his eyes were blinking.

“Shadow?”

He rolled his head to the side to look at me, his eyes heavy and tired. “Where am I?” He groaned. As he looked me over and his eyes fell over the wires attached to his body, the IV in his arm, his expression turned sharp.

“Tails found you. He said you’re having seizures.”

“I don’t have seizures. Why the hell is everyone so determined to poke at me?” His voice came groggily. He reached up with his free arm, yanking free the oximeter on his finger, and was ready to rip the IV out. I beat him there, my hand clasping over top the place where it inserted, making a guard.

“Please. I don’t know what’s going on, but I just got you back. I’m scared.” I begged.

He rolled back, the heavy weight of resignation pressing him into the mattress, “You’re a pain in my ass.”

“I’m happy to be.” I found it in me to smile.

…

The rest of the night was literally pulling teeth. Tails suggested a test, I said yes, Shadow said no. I would return to him with, scowls, concern, or pleading. But as the night faded into morning I grew so heavy with exhaustion, I was almost weeping.

Against Shadow’s judgment, Tails and I finally convinced him to let us do a few brain scans. I don’t know if it was convincing so much as he saw how I was on the verge of tears. I was passed out, my head buried into his shoulder as the two of us sat side by side in a two seater hospital lounge chair. The robin’s egg colored walls, in the tiny room, filled me with much needed calm. Tails entered the room. The sound of the door clicking open shot me awake.

Tails didn’t look at us. Instead he scoured the clipboard in his hands, his eyes scrunched in confusion. He pursed his lips and the expression on his face turned deeply worried. “Okay, this is weird, and I am not sure how to explain it. I would have to keep doing tests too get a better idea of what this is, but so far, I have a few theories.”

I wasn’t sure if I should feel hopeful or afraid. Honestly, the sleep debt was making everything feel swirly and strange.

Tails stopped at the light board on the wall in front of us. He flicked it on and put the scans up on the board. “There really isn’t much to see here. The scans weren’t as in depth as I could get with an MRI, but at least we can rule out tumors. I have noticed that the readings I got from the EEG last night were consistent with the generalized seizures that I suspected. But the readings are still all over the place. Like the electrical signals are shooting from different points each time. Like they want to be focal point seizures but then opt to be generalized. I do think I have something suspicious in the brain scan though.”

Tails pointed to the fist scan, there was a particularly bright part at the front of the brain, “There shouldn’t be this level of activity here. Especially when you are at rest. It’s like the neurons are overcompensating.”

“That’s not right.” Shadow groaned. I could see the night had worn on him too. It was funny to me how even behind his black fur, I could see the darkened rings of sleep debt. “If there is something wrong with me, that means Gerald made a mistake. He never made mistakes.”

“That’s where my theories come in. So, the overcompensation could mean a few things. It could simply be that your brain is being overactive, and your healing factor is getting out of control, which would eventually result in a brain tumor. Or, you are losing neurons faster than you can repair them and your body is working overtime to keep you functioning. I was pouring over this for quite some time because I was hoping to come to you two with more than just theories, but something occurred to me.” Tails sat the clipboard down on the counter beside him and pulled up a rolling stool that sat in front of it. Even Tails looked exhausted, his tails dragging behind him instead of popping up like they usually do when he sits. “If you don’t mind me asking, Shadow. How much do you remember about being in stasis?”

Shadow growled, “I don’t remember much. A lot of blips here and there. What’s the point you’re trying to get at.”

“Well, from my understanding, you were in a research facility, subject to a myriad of scientists.” Tails scooted in a touch more.

“I don’t want to remember this stuff. I was just much happier pretending none of that happened.” His eyes spoke murder but were too tired to act on it.

I leaned into him to provide some comfort. That’s trauma that runs deeper than I think any of us could wrap our heads around.

“Regardless. Whatever is going on here is going to have a severe impact on your life if we don’t get more test results and get a treatment plan going.” Tails fussed.

I don’t think Shadow ever looked so close to the brink of insanity. After taking a few deep breaths, he settled on a sigh, “I just need to get some Chaos damn sleep. Let’s just talk about this later.”