Gavage

“What are you guys talking about?” Sonic asked, his ears pert.

“You.” Amy smiled and stuck out her tongue. Blaze huffed incredulously at the quick admission.

“Well,” Sonic smirked, his eyes lidded, “I knew you had good taste, but this just confirms it.”

The blue and pink roommates laughed, leaving the white and purple ones to share a look and shrug.

A chime from Sonic’s phone drew his attention. His hand went into his quills but came back empty. Sonic frowned, confused, and began digging with both hands. When a growing display of concern grew on his face, Amy said, “Front pocket.”

“Oh! Right!” Sonic retrieved the device from the folds of his hoodie. Silver laughed.

“He always puts it there when he skates and then forgets about it.” Amy explained, looking pointedly at Silver, “More than one cellphone has gone through the washing machine like that.”

“Huh…I have like five missed calls from my mom…probably not important.” Sonic shrugged, “Shit.” He sighed. “Mighty sent me link to a video. Looks like, uh, like…“ Sonic rubbed the back of his neck. “Looks like Silver and me are trending.”

“What?” Silver exclaimed, “Really?” He leaned close to Sonic, who moved his phone so Silver could see the screen clearly. “Oh...”

“Only like a quarter of the comments are blatantly homophobic.” Sonic finger rapidly swiped the screen.

“How can you read that fast?” Silver squinted.

“Dunno what to tell you.” Sonic shrugged, “I gotta go fast.” He wasn’t joking. Sonic might have some sort of speed related condition. His mother always joked that he never sat still long enough to be diagnosed with ADHD as a child.

Amy pulled out her own phone, interested in saving a copy of Sonic scooping Silver into his arms. Her brow arched. Speak of the devil. She had a message from Sonic’s mother Bernadette. Tell Maurice to answer his phone! Who’s the lucky lady?

“Sonic…” Amy snorted, “Does your mom know you’re gay?”

Sonic blushed so brightly his face turned purple. “Fuck.”

“W-what?” Silver looked alarm.

“No! It’s cool!” Sonic sputtered, “My parents are cool. I just…Look, I just don’t talk about that sort of stuff with them, okay?” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “What about your parents?” He asked Silver.

Silver froze. Sonic tilted his head, brow furrowing.

“Silver…” Blaze said quietly.

“Don’t worry,” Amy continued, drawing their attention, “Your mom still doesn’t know, Sonic. I’m guessing she still hasn’t gotten her glasses prescription updated because she seems to think Silver is a girl.”

“Yeah, that sounds like mom…” Sonic tapped away at his phone. “Oh, man, watch this one!” He held up the screen to Silver. “Man, Jet’s really funny when it’s not you he’s yelling slurs at.” Amy heard Jet’s angry squawks emanate from Sonic’s phone.

Amy loaded up her browser and she saw she had a message from Orion on the OO forums. She frowned. She’d been receiving frequent messages from them recently. She hadn’t exactly engaged them that deeply, but she hadn’t discouraged the conversation either. The most recent message was Orion’s opinion on a recently decided court case.

A teenage Alpha had been arraigned on charges of Public Voicing and Involuntary Manslaughter. An argument with his unclaimed Omega girlfriend had resulted in the Alpha using his Voice. Witnesses claimed the command was along the lines of get lost! The girlfriend and an unrelated bystander Omega ‘got lost’ directly into oncoming traffic. The bystander had escaped with minimal injuries, but the girlfriend was fatally struck by a car.

The offending Alpha was only found guilty on the Voicing charge, sentenced to six months probation, and required to attend Alpha Etiquette classes. The ruling, coupled with Rouge’s recent declarations, had inflamed public discourse once again. One side saw the ruling as yet another miscarriage of justice, while the other claimed unfair persecution due to an innate quality with which Alphas were born.

Truth be told, Amy was finding herself growing fatigued with Orion’s constant feed of tragedy and pessimism. Their commentary had grown increasingly vitriolic. She had begun to dread the messages and found herself taxed after reading through whatever article they sent her. But this time there was an extra note.

Thank you for listening to me. I don’t really have anyone else I can talk to about this sort of thing. The injustice of the world fills me with such anger and sadness. It brings me peace knowing there is someone who shares my displeasure with the world as it is. I find great solace in our conversations, so I just wanted to express my gratitude, Aroseinbloom.

Amy blinked at the use of her username. She’d picked it so long ago she’d forgotten she’d just used her own name in part of it. Luckily no one seemed to have connected the dots.

She sighed and reread Orion’s message, biting the thumb of her glove. A tinge of shame curled through her at how she was starting to dismiss them due to their fascination with the depths of Omega misery. Orion just wanted someone to talk to and what really was wrong with that?

Sure thing, she replied*, The world’s a little much sometimes, huh?*

Amy navigated to Flitter and found the trending poundtag quickly. #NiceCatch! She was greeted by Jet’s crash out and Silver’s fall from several angles. She heard a growling purr and she looked up. Blaze was also scrolling through her phone with a growing pinched and disgusted expression.

Silver ran a hand through his large fan of quills. “Gosh, I don’t know about this.” He frowned. “I don’t think I like it. Can we, I dunno, ask people to take the videos down?”

Blaze snorted. “Oh, honey, you don’t even know what a can of worms takedown requests are.”

Sonic cocked his head to a side, “It doesn’t work that way. The internet has it now. Kinda impossible to put the lid back on that box.” He snorted like Silver was joking but frowned when Sonic realized he wasn’t.

Silver hugged himself and Sonic placed a hand on his forearm. “That’s a lot of people watching me fall.” He shook his head, his fan of quills saying. “What if someone I know sees it?”

“Uh, I mean, yeah, probably.” Sonic scratched a finger against his cheek. “B-But that’s okay! It’s super cute! Look,” Sonic rapidly scrolled, “there’s tons of comments that are just lines of hearts. People love you!”

“I don’t want people to know anything about me!” Silver squeaked through grit teeth. Sonic pulled back at Silver’s outburst. Amy could see the desperate thoughts roiling in his head as Sonic tried to think of something to say to make it better. That was her Sonic, alright. Always trying to solve the problem. Always trying to save everyone.

A sudden car horn drew Amy’s attention across the park to the roadway that ran along the river between the park and the rest of the city. Someone was yelling out their car window aggressively at a couple of cyclists, but before she turned back, an alluring shop caught Amy’s eye. An idea struck her full in the face.

“Let’s get crepes!” Amy exclaimed, injecting herself ungainly into the forefront of everyone’s attention, the seemingly random segway bashing the tension to bits. She pointed to the shop. “I’ve read about this place. It has great reviews!”

Her companions looked from their phones to where Amy was pointing. “Crepes?” Blaze asked curiously.

“I can always eat.” Sonic stated and turned to Silver expectantly.

“I like crepes.” Silver smiled weakly, causing Sonic to smile broadly.

In no time, Sonic was dutifully holding up his phone, the flashlight illuminating, at just right spot to create the proper lightning as Amy took a picture of the amazing confection she had ordered. A perfectly formed crepe was bunched into the shape of a rose bud, rich strawberry flavored cream glistening inside like nectar. Fresh cut strawberries were cut into thin slices and spread like petals into delicate poppies, a dollop of bright cream representing the heart of the flowers.

Sincerely, art.

“You got it, Ames?” Sonic asked, snapping Amy out of her flow. “Cuz’ like, I’d like to eat mine and all.”

Amy blinked and smiled bashfully, “Oh, yeah, of course.” Sonic killed the light and sank into the booth beside Silver.

“I know people like to take pictures of their food, but that was a bit much.” Blaze commented, flatly.

“Sorry.” Amy settled in beside her. “I hate to miss a chance to add to my portfolio. Food photography is a big part of advertising.”

“That makes sense.” Silver agreed, blueberry cream smudging his muzzle. “Man, you were right, Amy. This place is great.” He licked his lips.

“You got some…” Sonic pointed at a creamy dollop that remained.

“Here?” Silver asked, rubbing the wrong spot.

“Uh, no,” Sonic frowned, “Maybe, I could just-“ He swiped the offending blemish from Silver’s fur with his thumb and then stuck the digit in his mouth.

Silver blushed, “Thanks…”

Blaze narrowed her eyes and emitted a low irritated purring sound.

“It’s great the reviews were accurate, right?” Amy turned to Blaze, pointedly looking away from the boys, who’d become engrossed in each other’s eyes again. “They do all these crazy specialty crepes, too. Let me show you!” Amy pulled out her phone to try to find the creperie’s Prompta page. She had a notification that distracted her instantly. “Oh, sorry, one sec.”

Liam’s text message contained a random garble of letters with a blurry photo attached that Amy couldn’t make heads or tails of. He must still be having trouble with working his phone. Still, sending a text at all was progress. Hopefully Liam hadn’t gotten the device stuck in a different language again. Amy had had to use the translation function on her own phone to get Liam’s back into a recognizable script last time.

Amy sent Liam the date she’d be back on the job. That’s probably what he’d been asking.

To Amy’s surprise, she and jackal had settled into an amiable acquaintanceship…Who was she kidding? She and he had become friends. Amy barely spent any time on the bench by the river anymore, too used to hanging out beside Liam’s security booth now. He would chain smoke and complain about this or that thing that was different now. She’d troubleshoot issues he had with his phone and show him her photos.

He always brought her a coffee even though she insisted, every single time, that he didn’t need to do that. Liam would just shrug and say, “I know.” Amy tired to think of the drinks of payment for her IT services or how she helped him find a room to rent on the online classifieds so he could finally get out of the half-way house and live closer to where he worked. Apparently, the octopus letting him the room was creepy as hell, but Liam insisted he’d met way worse in prison.

Liam requested she send him a few of her photographs and she’d obliged. Later she helped him set his phone’s background to one she’d take of fallen leaves floating down the river. He said he liked that shot but couldn’t articulate why. “I dunno,” He tried to explain, “It’s like happy and sad at the same time, whatever the fuck that is.”

It was a strange relationship and Amy knew she couldn’t tell anyone about it. Sonic would be worried. Vector would be furious. On paper, what she was doing was horribly foolish, but in practice it just seemed nice. Liam was polite and friendly, if gruff and a little sharp around the edges, but she didn’t feel unsafe and she didn’t even feel like an Omega. That alone was reason to hold onto the arrangement until it fell apart.

Amy tried to hold positive experiences with Alphas at the forefront of her mind. There was so much terrible news and posts on the OO forums that it became easy to forget Alpha’s like Cream or Rouge were out there too, that only the worst was what was reported. Everyday kindness didn’t generate clicks. For every Drago Wolfe there were ten Barrys or Liams.

And at least one Shadow.

Blaze’s phone began to ring, jolting Amy out of her reverie. “I have to take this.” Blaze said instantly as she fished the device out of her purse.

Sonic arched a brow, “How do you know?”

“That’s the Mr. Kintobor ringtone.” Silver answered dryly. A sudden electric current ripped through Amy, paralyzing her. Kintobor as in…Shadow? “The sky would be falling and Blaze would still answer.” He grinned, teasing gently.

“Silver…” Blaze cautioned as she stood. “If you will excuse me for a moment.” She pressed the device to her ear, answering. “Yes, sir.” Blaze left the shop.

As Amy’s mind raced with the ramifications of what she just heard, the boys kept talking. “Oh man, right!” Sonic exclaimed. “I guess I just never thought about it, but if Blaze is your boss’ boss, then her boss is the CEO, right?” Shadow was Blaze’s boss!

“Yes, she’s general counsel for KLS, so she works pretty closely with Mr. Kintobor.” Silver gave a lopsided smile, “It’s kinda nerve wracking, actually. Blaze has never made me feel singled out, but it still makes me nervous sometimes. Mr. Kintobor does know me, though, because of Blaze, and that’s all its own pressure.”

Amy coughed. “That’s Shadow Kintbor, right?” Her head was spinning.

“Yeah, that’s the guy.” Sonic confirmed. Suddenly his eyes lit up, “Right!” He turned eagerly to Silver, “Ames has been to his house, you know? She had a photography gig there a couple weeks back.”

Yeah, that’s the guy Sonic says, like it’s not a huge deal. Amy swallowed.

“Oh, that place is huge!” Silver held his hands out for emphasis. “Like, it’s crazy he lives there alone.”

Alone. Amy’s reeling mind attached to the word. Alone. Without anyone else. Single. Her pulse pounded in her ears. Alone. As in available.

Sonic arched a brow, fork with a large piece of his crepe disappearing into his mouth. “You’ve been there?” He spoke with his mouth full.

“Yeah, sometimes company functions are hosted there. There was this big cookout last year on the back lawn.” He pulled a paper napkin from a dispenser on the table and handed it to Sonic. “A few hundred of us and still plenty of room. The food was really good, and they set up lawn games.” Of course, Shadow is so kind.

“That’s cool. Dr. Prower does something similar, but it’s not at his house or nothing. His place is weird, by the way. Like half of it just another lab. Dr. Prower really never stops working.”

Silver arched a brow. “You’ve been to Miles Prower’s house?”

“Years ago, when I was graduating uni.” Sonic huffed. “Why are you saying it like it’s weird? You live with your superior and you’ve been to Shadow’s house.”

“I mean, not inside. Just on the grounds. Oh! That reminds me,” Silver smiled, “There was this gorgeous rose garden that no one was allowed into. It was crazy stuff. Like the roses were trained to go over trellises and archways. Like the illustration on the front cover of a romance novel.” A forbidden rose garden. It was so on the nose it had to be fate.

“Excuse me!” Amy shot up, jostling the table.

“Jeeze, Ames!” Sonic raised his arms to avoid the remains of his crepe from staining his hoodie’s sleeve.

“I-I need to use the little girl’s room.” She stammered and rushed away, leaving the two men befuddled.

Amy’s heart threatened to break free from her chest and drag her down the street if she didn’t get a hold of herself right now. Blaze was talking to Shadow right now. Amy could just ask to speak to him right now. She could hear his voice again right now. Right now. It was as easy as that! Amy’s head swam with a flurry of thoughts as she locked herself in a bathroom stall. Phantom scents of coffee and pinewood trailed behind her.

Amy swallowed, the cacophony of competing impulses and desperate attempts at control left her dizzy. She could ask Blaze for his phone number! And then she’d be able to call him herself. Amy felt herself moisten at the just the idea of hearing that sensuous baritone once more. Would he remember her? Of course he would! Right? Her breath was coming in rapid pants and her cheeks felt flush. God damn it, she needed to get ahold of herself.

Why was she still in this stupid stall? What the actual fuck was she doing? Wasting time! What the hell was wrong with her? She could be talking to Shadow right now! She would be so good this time. So good he’d have to let her stay nearby. Anything to make him happy and keep her. She needed him so badly it hurt!

No! Amy gripped the sides of her head. She wanted to scream and pull out her quills. Anything to stifle the needy, begging desires trying to run off with her mind. Breathe. I am not my desires. I am not my body.

What would she even say to Blaze? Oh, could I pretty please have your boss’ phone number? I met him once under totally normal circumstances that I will not tell you about and I would really like to talk to him again. That would go over sooo well and wouldn’t work anyway. Blaze would look at her like she had two heads or, worse, that she was dangerous or unhinged. Utter stalker behavior!

So what? That just meant that Amy needed an excuse! Something, anything that could possibly make sense. Maybe she forgot something at his house! Yes! Yes, that could work! Amy rose, her heartrate picking up with excitement. This could work! Anything that got her into Shadow’s arms was worth it, whatever the consequences.

Amy went to unlock the stall but froze.

What would Sonic think? Shit! A sudden pulse of ice through her searing heat left her gasping. Amy hadn’t told Sonic anything about what had happened to her the night she met Shadow. There was no way he wouldn’t ask at least a few questions. Could she somehow avoid exposing her lie via omission? He’d…he’d feel so terrible that he hadn’t been there for her. Amy swallowed and pressed her head against the door of the stall.

I am not my impulses.

And what about Barry? They were real. She’d actually talked to them and they wanted to get to know her better. Her. Not her body. That was how things were supposed to go. Meet someone nice, get to know them, try to make it work. Maybe spend the rest of your lives together. That was where happiness came from. Not random chance encounters on the darkest day of her life.

I am not my instincts.

What about finding a real solution to her and Sonic’s arrangement? Something had to change and fast. They both had to move on with their lives. Every moment Amy had allowed Sonic to keep his promise was disgustingly selfish of her. Chasing shadows, which would leave her a mess and desperate with no one to turn except for Sonic, was hideously immature, especially when he was finally pursuing his own happiness.

I am my choices.

Amy bit her fist. But Shadow! What was even happening to her right now? She didn’t want the responsibility of freedom! Why was she even thinking these ridiculous thoughts? She wanted Shadow**!** Her stomach clenched, punishing her for her sudden resistance. Amy whimpered. She wouldn’t feel like if she’d just submit!

I am who I chose to be.

Amy cringed and realized her underwear had dampened. Crap! Her absorbents were in her camera bag and that was still at the table with Sonic and Silver. Amy gripped her tongue between her teeth and pressed down, trying to ramp up enough pain to break her out whatever Omega bullshit had her wrapped in its tentacles.

She balled up a big wad of toilet paper and tried to dry herself off. With disgust, Amy noticed the scent of her own slick. She groaned. This should not be happening! Her heat was still over a week away, even if it came early like the last one. Amy leaned against the wall of the bathroom stall and closed her eyes.

Deep breath. Slow and steady. She forced her mantra to the forefront of her thoughts, slowly wresting back control.

Slowly, Amy opened her eyes. She dried herself again and lined her panties with a layer of toilet paper to serve as temporary absorbents. Amy left the stall and went to the sink. Hands trembling, she splashed water on her face.

Her pulse was slowing. She was coming down to earth from whatever cloud her instincts and urges had launched her up to. Reality was reasserting itself. The panicked, desperate impulse to put herself into a ridiculous and horrible situation was fading. Small blessings.

Let this be the final closure, Amy resolved. She had had the chance to reconnect with Shadow, and she had chosen not to. Amy would move on. Amy had to move on. She took anouther deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. Despite it all, it was still Amy looking back. She washed her hands and left the bathroom.

Amy slowly approached their booth from behind the boys. As she drew closer, she heard Sonic speaking lowly, “I’ve had a lot of sex…but I never really…made love, I guess.” Amy froze. “Jet and I…I mean neither of us were really good at…I dunno, any of it. We didn’t know what we were doing so lots of stuff wasn’t…handled well. He’s a dick, sure….but I guess I was an asshole, too…”

Amy’s face burned and her heart clenched. She shouldn’t be listening to this. If this was how he described his time with Jet, how would he describe his time with her? A new coil of shame wrapped around her.

There was a beat of silence and then Silver leaned towards Sonic, their shoulders touching. “I thought you were a top, though.” He snickered conspiratorially.

Sonic turned to look Silver full in the face, a stunned expression dying quickly to the merciless sword of his smile. “You bet your ass, I am!” He returned, mischief twinkling in his green eyes.

Silver laughed, light and musical, and the tension was broken.

Amy back up a few steps and then moved forward, trying to jostle as many chairs as she could on the approach. The boys jumped a little, noticing her. “Did I miss anything?” She asked, sliding back into the booth. “I see Blaze is still gone.”

“There’s no telling when she’ll be back. Theres a lot going on at work right now…” Silver trailed off. “I-I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

“Oof, yeah, I fuck that up, like, every day.” Sonic snickered, rubbing his nose. “But Ames can keep a secret real good, can’t you Ames?”

Amy laughed dryly. “About as good as anyone, I suppose.” She tried to smile, but her stomach felt queasy.

Sonic gave her a strange look but barreled on to the next topic arising in his mind anyway. “Oh, hey! There’s the Harvest Festival coming up soon.”

“I think I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been.” Silver shook his head.

“You’d love it!” Sonic lit up, a plan quickly solidifying in his head, “The whole waterfront is packed for like a mile. Tons of shops and games and rides and stuff. Music all over and they do fireworks at night.”

Silver nodded. “That sounds like fun.”

“So…you think, maybe,” Sonic waffled, looking nervous, “you wanna go…with me and, like, just me?”

His companion smiled. “I’d love to.”

The smile that broke across Sonic’s face was massive and bright, like the dawning sun on the horizon. Amy couldn’t help but smile too. Normally, she and Sonic went to the festival together each year, but she’d happily sit out this time. Maybe Barry would like to go with her.

Amy’s phone chirped and her ears perked. As she reached for her phone, Sonic smirked. “Amy’s got a Shadow ringtone, too.”

Amy flinched, “W-what?” What did he just say? Did Sonic know?

“You know, like Blaze!” Sonic gestured at her, “You’ve got a custom little ping for whatever you’re all obsessed with these days.” Sonic turned to Silver, “I have no idea what it’s for. She won’t tell me shit, but Amy has been hyper fixated on something the past couple of weeks. Her phone is pinging all the damn time about it.”

Amy’s cheeks blazed. Play it cool. “It’s just…I just don’t want to share, okay?” She could hear the defensiveness in her voice.

Sonic held up his hands in a placating manner, “I ain’t judging, I’m just sayin’!” Bullet dodged.

Amy stuck out her tongue at Sonic and then unlocked her phone. Sonic was right though. She’d gotten addicted to every little tidbit about Shadow that popped up on the web. Mostly press releases for his company or his charitable foundation, but those occasionally had nice, clear photographs of him looking rather handsome and stately. Commanding. Domineering. Each new image found its way into a special folder on her phone that Amy had labeled, like a love-obsess dork, Shadamy…

The more she thought about it, the more she knew she needed to delete that folder or else she’d have more episodes sending her to hide in bathrooms.

Still…one last look couldn’t hurt.

Amy frowned at the article, which didn’t seem to be about Shadow at all.

Captivating Heiress Caught Clandestinely Canoodeling with Cagey CEO! the title read in bold, dramatic text. A terribly framed photo showed what might be a hedgehog in a bright red suit sitting in a restaurant with-!

Her body reacted before her mind registered what she was reading. Her veins filled with ice and the bottom fell out of her stomach. A wave of nausea hit her so quickly she clamped her mouth shut to fight to acidic onslaught. Her vision blurred as thick salty tears flooded her eyes.

Amy felt the exact moment her heart broke. There was a shuddering, snapping, cracking feeling deep in her chest that stole her breath away, leaving a massive, dark hollow in her chest. She was plummeting into an infinite, dark abyss.

Shadow was dating a wealthy, successful, beautiful hedgehog, because, of course, he was. What had Amy expected? She knew this had to be the case, but Amy had allowed herself to dream anyway. STUPID! She was so stupid! Allowed herself to believe a fairytale. Stupid, stupid little Omega.

Big, ugly tears rolled down her cheeks and Amy gasped through her quickly constricting throat. She covered her mouth to try to hold back the sob, but it ripped through her, causing her to press her eyes shut against the wave of despair cascading over her. Her phone screen became obscured with salty tears, distorting Shadow’s already blurry image.

“Amy?” She heard Sonic’s worried voice as if he was far off, “Amy!?” She wanted to wave him off, warn him not to follow her into this yawn chasm of despair and self-loathing. She wasn’t worth it. Not to Sonic and certainly not to Shadow.

“What’s going on?” Blaze returned to the table, her phone gripped tightly and concern lacing through her voice. “Amy, what’s wrong?”

She couldn’t stop. Amy simply Could. Not. Stop. The crying, the sobbing, the shuddering. None of it. Her body was decomposing into a pitiful pile of sadness and heart wrenching agony. Rotting away in grief, fetid bits scattered in an apathetic wind.

And Amy couldn’t tell anyone why.

“I’m s-sorry.” Amy choked out between sobs. “I-I d-don’t know what’s happening!” Her voice stretched into a whine as another gasping sob shook her. She wanted to disappear. Shrink into a tiny point of nothingness and then blink out, finally leaving everyone in her life better off without her.

“Was it something on your phone?” Silver asked, astutely.

“Here, let me see.” Sonic reached over to take her phone.

Amy snatched it away into her lap, “No!” Sonic recoiled like he’d been struck.

“A-ames?” The concern and fear swirling in his deep emerald eyes was like poison to Amy. How could he care about her like that? It hurt how much he cared. No one should care about her. She was worthless, old, expired and she only made the people around her miserable as she clung desperately to them. Stop looking at me like that!

“Should we…call EMS?” Silver offered, uncertainly.

“And tell them what, exactly?” Blaze asked as she slid back into the booth. She reached out, probably to lay a comforting hand on Amy’s shoulder, but Amy shrank away. Blaze pursued her.

“Shit, don’t-“ Sonic began.

“Don’t touch me!” Amy screamed, far, far too loud than she meant.

Blaze recoiled and left the booth. Her face was pale and deadly flat mask. The sort of poker face gained through years of effort.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Amy wailed. Her body continued to revolt against her, wave after wave of sorrow wrapping tightly around her like a massive snake, developing her in confusing, terrible, crushing misery. Please leave me alone! Why wouldn’t they leave her alone?

It was all so stupid. Amy was so, so stupid. What did she think was going to happen? How could she have been so utterly delusional to think she’d ever have a chance with someone like Shadow. Stupid little girl with stupid little Omega fantasies of the big, strong Alpha sweeping her off her feet. And then when reality came knocking, this is how she reacted?

Blaze and Silver probably thought she was psychotic now. Sonic probably wouldn’t ever invite her out again. Hell, he might not even let her out of the apartment at all. Just lock her into her room and forget the door code…

Amy needed to get out of here. Get away from everyone because she couldn’t get away from herself. “I-I’m sorry.” Amy stammered as she pushed out the booth. Her legs shook under her, but she still wrestled her two bags onto her shoulders.

Sonic wouldn’t let her go alone. “Amy!” Silver had to slide out to release Sonic. He reached to take Amy’s skate bag from her, but she pulled away.

“I-I’m ruining your date.” The words came out as little gasps. Great, she was hyperventilating. “I-I’ll just head home.” The dizziness made the café tilt around her.

“Amy, hold on!” Sonic looked at Silver desperately. He was at a loss. “Silver…”

“It’s okay. Take care of her.” Silver absolved Sonic of any guilt of leaving early.

“I’ll text you later.” Sonic called to Silver as he shepherded Amy out of the creperie, careful not to touch her. The eyes of every patron and the café staff followed them, making sure Amy was maximally ashamed and embarrassed. She covered her face, trying her best to quell the crying. Her eyes stung and her throat ached from clenching.

Outside, the cool air felt good on her burning skin. “I’m going to get us an Unter. Just hand tight a minute.” Sonic explained, typing away at his phone.

“It’s too expensive.” Amy hiccupped, scrubbing her hands over her face, trying in vain to wipe away the tear streaks. Stop crying, she begged her body, please just stop crying!

Sonic looked at her, his brow raised in astonishment. “Amy, I really feel like I should be calling an ambulance right now, but I’m pretty sure you’ll refuse to get in it.” He huffed. “A rideshare bill is the furthest thing from my mind right now.” Sonic shifted uneasily. “Is this…” He asked in a low voice, his eyes searching her red and puffy face, “an Omega thing? Do we need to…” Sonic’s eyes shifted downcast as he grimaced at the thought.

He didn’t want her.

Shadow didn’t want her.

No one wanted her.

No one would ever want her.

Amy was expired goods.

Less than useless.

Garbage.

She choked against a new round of sobs, making Sonic start. His hands hovered close to her, eager to hold her, reassure her, comfort her. Sonic resisted the urge to hug the sorrow out of her, but the blazing desire was written throughout the consternation in his eyes.

Amy shook her head. “No. I-I don’t know.” She covered her eyes. The embarrassment of being seen like this, in public, was nearly more than she could bear. Come on, just get ahold of yourself! “I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like-“ She felt like she was dying. Like her body was giving up. Like there was no hope left and therefore no reason to keep on going.

“Amy…” Sonic’s tone betrayed the level of helplessness he felt. “There’s got to be something I can do to help. Just tell me. I’ll do anything for you…” He pled. Amy didn’t want anything from Sonic. The only person who could help her didn’t even know her at all, let alone what his absence did to her.

She grit her teeth. For all the time she spent hating her body, this might be the worst instance. The most wretched of all the betrayals. She’d been blinded before by lust and crippled by pain. She’d drowned in embarrassment and boiled in shame. But this misery, this heartbreak was on a whole different level.

A single goddamned internet article had brought her to this.

Pathetic. Is this where all her years of struggle have led her? Years of denying and hiding, of taking advantage of Sonic and others? All of it coming to naught. What was the fucking point?

The Unter driver expressed concern at Amy’s state and seemed reticent to let them into his car, but Sonic was able to convince him, probably with the promise of a big tip. Halfway home, Amy was finally able to stop sobbing and settled into a drained silence. She felt wrung out and empty. And dehydrated. She felt Sonic’s gaze on her but kept hers pointing blankly out the window.

She and Sonic somberly trudged up the stairs to their apartment and Sonic let them in. His gaze bore into her back and she knew he was immolating in his curiosity and concern. Amy went straight to her room. Sonic followed.

Opening the door, her room felt empty and stale. “I’m here if you need anything.” Amy slowly turned around. Sonic anxiously searched her face, his ears canted sharply towards her. “Anything at all.” Amy just nodded and quietly closed her door. She leaned against it and felt a thump on the door near her head, where she suspected Sonic’s head had fallen forward and knocked against the wood.

She stared blankly into the dim nothingness for a long time. Minutes, hours, who knew. The world had lost all meaning and color. Eventually she approached her bed and fell face first onto it. Amy rolled over and grasped her favorite plush, a colorful pink cupcake with large emotive eyes.

No.

She refused.

Amy refused to be like this. If her body wanted to have a pity party over something as stupid as an insane crush on, basically, a stranger, then it could have at it. Amy would not be participating. She had a life to live.

She knew someone who wanted her and she’d been foolishly noncommittal thus far, selfishly holding back under the ludicrous fantasy that Shadow would ever care about her. Their night together had been a pity fuck. It had only ever been a pity fuck no matter how she relived it. Absolutely nothing more.

Amy’s eyes stung to be open, but she pulled up her matching app. I’d love to go with you, she sent to Barry. She needed to quit getting so lost in her own head. Crying over a fantasy. What was she? Fourteen?

A message appeared quickly from Barry. That’s great! I’ll send you the details. I’m so excited to meet IRL! followed by a string of adorable emojis. They were excited to meet her. They wanted to be with her. Amy wanted to want to be with them. Wanted to want to be excited as well.

But she didn’t. But she wasn’t.

At least…not right now. Maybe in the future.

Yes. That was the dirty secret about love. You had to cultivate it like a garden. The richness came from years of work, not all of it fun. Amy could do that. She could work. One day, she really could be a rose in bloom.

Her phone pinged again with a fresh Gaggle alert on Shadow and Amy tried to force herself to be angry to fend off the new wave of anguish. The tabloid story was catching fire, stoked by a million people giving their two cents on social media. Her fingers shaking, Amy deleted the alert. She must have been out of her mind when she originally made it.

With difficulty, she navigated to her Shadamy folder where she kept the pictures of Shadow she’d purloined off the web. Her hands trembled as she navigated to the settings. Her finger hovered over the delete option. Everything in her screamed at her to stop. But her impulses weren’t in charge, Amy was.

She hit the button and the folder disappeared.

Despite her best efforts, a fresh sob clawed its way out of her throat. Pathetic. Worthless. Weak. Spoiled. Stupid. Garbage.

Amy cried herself to sleep.