Bred and Circuses

The night was alive and Amy with it.

A tension had disappeared, one she’d held so long as to have forgotten what it felt to be without it. Wherever she went, the fear had followed. Be small, be quick, be unseen. She was always one misstep from being discovered and having everything taken from her. Any stranger on the street catching the wrong whiff of her and then…

Sure, Amy felt safe with Sonic. Being with him on adventures around the city was the most alive she normally got to feel. But even then, there was an underground river of anxiety, a dark thread cutting a course through everything she did or said. Sonic was a shining blue shield between her and the world, but he could only provide so much protection. Protection she was encouraging Sonic to give to someone else.

This, though. This was different. Shadow was different.

Dark, stoic, and solid in ways Amy couldn’t even describe. He loomed over her like a threat. With him near, the air felt lighter, the lights brighter, the tastes and smells and sounds sweeter. He coveted her jealously. Amy felt in bloom for the very first time…or at least the first time since she was young, since before she developed her second sex. Growing wild for, perhaps, the first and final time in her life.

For once, Omega wasn’t a curse hanging over her or an albatross around her neck.

With Shadow, Amy felt free for now.

At least, that’s what Amy told herself, scolded herself, lectured herself. Make this work. Make tonight be how she’d always dreamed. Her body sure begged for this to work.

Prove it could be done.

Prove that things could be better.

Prove that this could work.

Or else this, whatever this was, was over. Had to be over. Before things became permanent. Before it was too painful to part. Before he wouldn’t let her leave anymore.

Tonight, Amy was trying her best to pretend to be normal. It hadn’t been as hard as she’d feared. Being in a crowd, once the fog of fear was lifted, was surprisingly invigorating. It was like she was feeding on the energy of the crowds and festivities. She was drawing power from a source she’d never expected.

So, Amy threw herself into the throng and drug a strangely reticent Shadow with her. Tonight she was some version of herself from an alternative universe, one where she wasn’t an Omega. She and Shadow were two normal adults on a normal first date. Her goal was to get to know him better and have fun. Simple. Clean. The most boring rom-com script imaginable, relegated to languish at the bottom of the slush pile.

It’s okay. She could do this. Amy could be fun and charming. It was just a shame he was lying to her. *She didn’t know that…*Amy wasn’t going to sabotage things over baseless fears. Good luck.

A-anyway, Shadow seemed to have a field around him. When she was inside his perimeter, Amy’s desired state felt more real, more achievable. The press of bodies didn’t frighten her as much. The cloud of scents didn’t pluck her nerves like piano wire. The night simply wasn’t as cold.

And she could touch him.

Amy could touch Shadow. Anywhere and any way she’d tried had been painless. Every time still felt like a dream, like a veil that could be suddenly lifted to let reality rush back in. Until then, she resolved to enjoy the contact, the warmth, the weight, the smell of him.

She gripped Shadow’s arm tightly as they walked through the lively festival, enjoying his presence. Whenever she squeezed, he’d return the pulse in what became a small game of escalation. Before long, Amy was gripping him about as tightly as she could muster and from the corner of her eye, she could see him smirking slightly. Then he drew her in with crushing force.

“Uncle!” Amy laughed.

“I haven’t the foggiest to what you are referring.” The bastard couldn’t help smirking handsomely. Jerk. Amy bumped into his side roughly. “Oh,” Shadow raised a brow, “do you think that is wise?” He loomed over her, bending down until their noses almost touched.

Amy’s breath caught and she flushed. The noise of the crowds around them faded and her vision narrowed to his crimson irises. It would be so easy and right to just-

She lost her nerve and turned away, her face burning. Amy’s heart pounded in her chest and she swallowed. They were in public, she told herself. It would be embarrassing to make a spectacle of themselves. They couldn’t…at least not yet. Amy just wasn’t ready. And besides, the kiss was supposed to come at the end of the date!

Shadow straightened slowly…rigidly. As if he considered every little movement carefully. At first, Amy had thought him gentlemanly, that the reticence(?) in his speech and movements just refined politeness. But the more she watched, the less confident she felt in her initial conclusion.

In conversation, he often paused, as if thinking deeply about what he wanted to say. Most times, his voice was smooth and carefree, but often as not it was stilted. Like he was reading off a prompter. Like he was afraid to say the wrong thing. Like he was navigating a mine field.

Like he was constructing a lie to tell her.

Or he just didn’t want to set her off again…

Amy…hadn’t been that bad, right? Tonight, aside from the night when Amy had been out of her mind in heat and following morning, was the longest they’d been together at one time. Tonight they’d talked far more than any other time. Tonight they’d done far more together than ever before.

And…was this working? Was Shadow…acting? Was he even enjoying their date?

Oh, god, he was lying to her, wasn’t he?

The idea was ice in her veins. The idea was boiling oil in her guts. The idea was poison in her mind.

Her instincts revolted. Stupid, stupid girl, trying to ruin everything good. Just smell him!

Amy did smell him. She smelled him a lot.

When Shadow torched their reservation at the initial restaurant, a move that filled Amy with such unbridled affection, she nearly missed the mist of distress gathering around him. But that was fine! Some disappointment was normal. Amy tried to focus on how attentive he was to her feelings.

Then the mist grew thicker at the gastropub. When Amy smelled the enticing aroma of the festival, she got a thick whiff of Shadow’s growing unease. She was just about to backpedal on her suggestion to eat at the festival, given immediate reaction, but he capitulated to her too quickly. So, Amy clung to Shadow’s arm and tried to focus on happy positive things. Maybe her scent could provide him some comfort.

Shadow’s discomfort wasn’t bothering her at all, she told herself. Now she was lying to herself. He’d say something if he was bothered…right?

The festival was amazing! Every single tent had something adorable or interesting or funny to look at. Amy couldn’t help herself. She’d never been able to inhabit such a crowded space so freely before and she was going to relish the occasion.

She might have gotten a little carried away. But who could blame her? She was having fun and she wanted to see everything!

Every time they paused, Shadow seemed to gravitate around her like the moon to the earth unless she was actively looking him in the eyes or clutching his arm tightly. Frankly, Amy didn’t think Shadow even knew he was circling her. Watching his serious eyes scanning the crowd warily, tickled something deep and primal in the base of Amy’s skull. Something ancient and not at all relevant to modern life that said, now there’s a man who could protect a nest.

Surrounded by other people, his aura of distress grew tinged with territorial aggression. It pulled weakly at Amy, drawing her shelter closer to Shadow, but she knew, to other Alphas, it was a repugnant stench. Frankly, she was a little miffed to be manipulated, but that was a selfish reaction. It was rare anyone had complete control over their pheromones, but Shadow seemed exceptionally inept at repressing his. That wasn’t uncommon for Alphas, who had no reason to mask their feelings like Omegas, but still…

Nevermind.

It was fine.

All of this was fine. Amy was over thinking everything. Fun. She was supposed to be having fun. But-

His eyes were always on her. Shadow would feign interest in something else when she turned to look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her. Searching her face, watching her from the corner of his eye. It was like there wasn’t anything else except for her. They were surrounded by countless wonderous and interesting things, but Shadow only had eyes for her.

Yeah, it was flattering. Yeah, it made Amy’s stomach flutter and her chest swell to bursting and ran pleasurable tingles along her scalp, but-

Was he enjoying himself at all?

Was all of this just for her? A honeypot.

Was he forcing himself into places and situations he thought she would enjoy, but that he actually hated?

Stop overthinking, she chided herself. Have fun and trust him to not to lie. Don’t be naïve. This wasn’t working. She was forgetting what fear was good for: protecting her against pain. She was good at running. But-

She was done running.

“Amy? Are you well?”

She blinked. Here she’d been judging Shadow for getting lost in his head and she was doing the same thing! “Totally!” She replied, smiling. “I was thinking, was all.” He hummed noncommittally. They’d walked several blocks already and the festival still stretched out ahead as far as they could see. “When do you think they’ll start the fireworks?” She wondered.

“Soon, I should suspect.” He responded casually, looking upwards as if there was something to see. “The sun is fully set.”

They’d entered a part of the fair particularly thick with carnival games. While there were plenty of adults and groups of teenagers, there was a higher density of parents being dragged from one glitzy attraction to the next by small children. Amy found herself staring into the middle distance, the memory of the Ten of Cups returning. Parts of her swelled with reckless energy just at the sight of children, but she’d long learned to ignore the feeling.

And she’d just go on ignoring it, because having a child was about the worse decision she could make right now. Years ago, long before Amy could understand the advice, one of her aunts had told her something that had surprised her at the time. Never have children, Rosey. Her aunt had four children. If you need anyone to convince you to have kids, don’t have ‘em. If anyone trying to convince you not to get knocked up gives you even a drop of doubt, don’t have children. Don’t give me that look. This’ll make sense once it’s too late.

“I would think there would some sort of curfew.” Shadow commented, beside her, but she could smell that he was thinking along the same lines as she.

Amy didn’t want to have this conversation…at least not on their first date, for god’s sake.

“Oh! Look at that!” Amy pointed at the display of prizes for a shooting gallery. A massive, mean looking plush of some sort of fairylike creature had Shadow’s exact colorations, right down to the stripes running through his quills. An angry, red spike ball hung from a line protruding from its head, like an especially inept angler fish. “It looks just like you!”

“I don’t see the resemblance.” He grumbled as she led him to the booth. Closer, Amy realized the plushy was a chao from a popular children’s franchise and that it was even bigger than she had thought, easily half as tall as Amy was. She really wanted it.

“Oh, playing dumb doesn’t make the likeness any less obvious.” She teased Shadow.

“Would you like it?” Shadow asked, a sly twinkle in his eye.

She sure as hell did, but Amy laughed. “Yeah, but I bet you’d have to get, like, five bull’s eyes to win it.” Targets of varying sizes were spread throughout the tent with the ones at the back so small Amy could barely make out the centers.

“Six!” The shooting gallery operator, a mallard, corrected cheerfully, clearly having been eavesdropping. “You get all six targets at the back and this here chao is yours, little lady. You don’t even have to put the bead in the middle, just hit the target within any of the circles. I’m sure your beau’s got it in the bag, no? Why not let him give it a try?”

Shadow approached the booth. “Six shots, if you please.” He requested.

Well, two can play this game. “Six for me, too!” Amy came up beside Shadow, who’d gained an arrogant smirk to pair with the glint in his eyes. Oh, he totally thought he had this. He’s probably gone pheasant hunting or something with guns and horses and hunting hounds. Shit, he’d look really good in one of those posh red hunting coats. And, like, a cravat.

Shadow glanced at Amy with amusement and she flushed rapidly.

A-anyway, the mallard recited a price while gesturing at a sign saying the same thing, and Shadow withdrew his wallet to produce yet another ridiculous large banknote. “Uh…” The duck grimaced.

“He’s joking!” Amy exclaimed, fishing in her purse for change from what Shadow had given her to get dessert.

“Amy, I must-“

“This the change from when I got dessert, so you’re still paying.” She handed over exact change. Shadow relented. Amy knew he would refuse to let her return the change to him, but keeping it also felt…unbalanced? “Do you not have any smaller bills?”

“It’s more efficient this way.” He answered dryly. Comically wasteful more like…but with the kind of wealth Shadow had…Amy found herself looking away and frowning. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shadow tense. She twisted back, forcing a smile. Shadow settled. This was getting tiring.

A long black gun, with a lever along the underside of it was placed in from of them. The dented and mangled thing had seen better days. Shadow snorted quietly. Amy elbowed him and the flash of irritation melted into shared mirth as she grinned up at him. “It’s just a game.” She chided.

“One that I intend to win and to win, proper equipment is necessary.”

“You’re hardly shooting at the Olympics, big fella.” The mallard quipped. Shadow pretended to pay him to mind, but Amy could tell he clenched his teeth as if to keep a sour retort unsaid.

“Ladies first.” Shadow indicated for her to proceed.

Amy gulped. Maybe she hadn’t thought this through. She knew zero about guns, let alone firing them. She’d shot an arrow from a bow once and that had gone so poorly Sonic pulled a muscle from laughter. Amy might have also hit something she really wasn’t aiming at and they were no longer welcome at that fairgrounds.

“Would you…like some tutoring?” Shadow asked cautiously. Maybe he clocked her trepidation for what it was. Maybe he was wildly guessing and she was a perfect enigma. There was no way to ever know for certain.

Amy pivoted to Shadow, rifle in hand, a playful ribbing forming on her tongue, when his hand snapped out, nearly faster than her eye could follow, and fiercely grasped the barrel of the BB gun. She shrieked and relinquished the weapon, leaving it hanging in the air in Shadow’s grasp. “Lesson one. Never point a gun at something you don’t intend to kill.” He explained, his voice firm and informational.

“Sorry.” Amy said as she gingerly retook the gun.

“Perhaps,” he said, moving behind her, “here is a better position.”

He curled around her to begin the task of correcting her form, quietly explaining as he did so, but all Amy could think about was his warmth and earthy scent embracing her. Coffee, sandalwood, lavender. The heady aroma was soothing, and she was relaxed as he nudged her elbow or corrected her grip. She thought about intentionally aiming poorly just so he’d keep touching her like this.

“Close one eye,” Shadow instructed and Amy obeyed faithfully, “align the aperture with the sight post.”

“It’s pointed up, kinda.”

“That’s intentional. Gravity pulls the projectile down. The sight compensates.” God, the sound of his voice so close to her ear, deep and resonate. Amy could just melt. For once, his scent was calm and pleasant. Probably a good thing given they were handling firearms. “Do you have it aligned?”

“Uh-huh.”

He removed his hands and Amy whined slightly, to which Shadow lightly chuckled. “I’m still here.” She could feel his heat right behind her. “When you’re ready, squeeze the trigger gently.”

Amy squeezed the trigger and the gun jerked slightly. The targets, thin plates painted with colorful concentric circles, remained still, but the heavy tarp lining the back gave off a small sound…though it might just have been the wind.

She wasn’t too surprised or disappointed. Amy had literally never fired a gun before in her life until now, but Shadow made an irritated noise and gently pulled the weapon from her grasp. Shadow lifted the BB rifle, keeping the barrel pointed forward and down. Silently he closely examined the protrusion attached to the front. “The sight is cooked.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to fix that.” The mallard commented, playing voyeur to their otherwise intimate moment.

“Hey, that’s unfair!” Amy exclaimed.

“Honey, anyone who needs it, won’t use it right and anyone who can use it right, doesn’t need it. I got a pair of needle nose plyers if you want ‘em.”

“I will not be performing maintenance on your shoddy equipment.” Shadow glowered. He glanced at Amy. “May I use one of your shots?”

“Uh, sure.”

In a single smooth motion, Shadow pumped the lever, charging the chamber with compressed air, lifted the rifle, and aimed it with one eye closing and the other looking down the barrel. Nearly the moment his eye closed, he fired and the target slightly further forward than the back ones flew off its perch, flipping wildly until it hit the ground. “This is fine. I can help you compensate.”

Shadow resumed his position behind her. “You don’t even know which one I’m aiming at.” She said as Shadow helped her return to the correct posture.

“Yes, I do.” He answered confidently, finishing with a slight push against the barrel, delicately pointing her slightly to the right.

Amy fired.

The nearest target was blown off its holder.

Amy cried out in amazement, her face stretching wide with elation. She turned to Shadow did you see that? writ large on her face. He smiled back. “Good shot.”

Her next three shots went much the same, with Shadow correcting her form and providing the final tweak to account for whatever was wrong with the scope. The final shot, he barely touched her at all, but Amy’s disappointment at the lack of his touch was smashed to bit as her shot sent a target halfway down the range flying.

“Good shooting, but I’m afraid only the ones in the back’ll earn you that chao.” The mallard grinned.

“Your turn!” Amy smiled, trusting the weapon towards Shadow.

Shadow lifted the gun, holding it low, while he scanned the targets on the back. Unlike all the others, they were paper, so the BBs would leave a hole and give the shooter an idea of their actual precision.

“Don’t worry if you miss. I’ve got plenty more BBs, so you can try again.”

“Unnecessary.” Shadow remarked, flatly.

In a rapid motion, Shadow raised the gun, settling it below his chin and fired, both eyes open and staring at the target, not using the sights even a little. The paper target rippled as the shot hit it, but Shadow had already moved on. With quick, precise movements, he pumped the lever while adjusting his aim slightly and fired again. He repeated the actions four more times without any pause or hesitation: pump and adjust, fire. The process took less than fifteen seconds.

The range operator trotted down to the target papers and pulled them all free. “Damn, son. Where’d you learn to shoot?” The mallard quacked. Amy was wondering the same thing. That was…amazing.

“The large stuffed animal, if you would.” Shadow said, laying the gun down on the bench, barrel facing down range. He hadn’t even seen the results yet.

The large black chao wasn’t fully stuffed, so Amy didn’t have much trouble carrying it as long as her arms were wrapped around its torso. Six paper targets had been folded and shoved into her purse, the dead center punched out of each, each hole smaller than the tip of her pinky.

Shadow seemed lost in thought as the pair continued down the river front. The tents were thinning.

“You’ll need to leave it in my office.” He said suddenly.

Amy stopped. “What?”

“I cannot formulate a way to transport you and it back to your home safely on my motorcycle.” He said. “My office is not far from here. You can leave it there and I will have it sent to your home on the morrow.”

“You want to show me where you work?”

He blinked, as if he hadn’t thought of that. “Do you want to see it?”

Amy nodded.

Shadow smiled but then looked away suddenly and ran a hand through his quills. “Cependant, il se pourrait qu'il y ait plus de monde que d'habitude ce soir.” He mumbled, grimacing.

There! Amy shifted the plush to one arm and furiously dug into her purse for her phone. Hopefully it had heard. Yes! Sure enough, the translation app she’d left open on her phone all evening had caught enough of what Shadow had said to be intelligible.

“And why is that?” Amy said smugly, giving Shadow just the most self-satisfied sneer. “Is something going on at work?”

Shadow startled, his face flashing a catalogue of emotions before glancing at Amy’s proudly displayed phone’s face. Amy stuck her tongue out. Shadow flushed deeply, his muzzle giving his stripes a run for their money.

“Ah, yes.” He huffed. “I have developed a habit of being awfully rude, haven’t I?”

Amy nodded. She pointed at her head. “You can keep your asides in your head, you know?” She returned her phone to her purse and regained her bear hug on the Shadow-colored chao. “Your brother did the same thing. It’s kinda annoying getting left out, you know?” She tried not to sound too irritated.

“I’ll refrain from now on.” His ears were tilted back. “Please forgive me.”

“Forgiven!” Amy started to walk again. She knew he’d slip up again. That’s why she’d downloaded a language learning app, but Shadow didn’t need to know that yet. Avalonian couldn’t be that hard, right?

She heard him chuckle behind her before following.

Her hands full of plush, Amy could no longer wrap around Shadow’s arm. No longer moored, he continued his slow gravitations. It was adorable and Amy was about to tease him ruthlessly about it when something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye.

Amy did a double take. Oh, that is perfect. “I need that plush!” She exclaimed, causing Shadow to frown and his brow to pinch in confusion. Without explaining further, Amy broke away from him and made a beeline to another game booth.

“Un autre?” She heard him gripe, but Amy didn’t need her translator to know what Shadow was saying.

Years and years ago, Amy and Sonic had been at some festival or carnival or county fair and her best friend in all the world had pointed at a cheap, poorly made knock-off stuffed fox doll with a red pompom sticking out of its head being offered as a prize and laughed his pre-teen butt off about it. Then, because Amy was crushing hard on his ass in those days, she spent way too much of her allowance money winning the damn thing.

And so, a tradition was born. Every time Amy found herself in a position to, she’d acquire the ugliest looking carnival plushy she could find and present it to Sonic. He’d die laughing and the sorry thing would join his growing zoo of misfits and rejects piled on his dresser, each a cherished memory wrought in disrespected polyester fabric.

Amy had spotted a perfect addition.

Crossed eyed and sporting a long pointy nose, Amy wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be – a robot perhaps? – but bits of it were Sonic’s signature blue. She resisted the urge to take a picture of the thing and send it to him with a caption along the lines of I found your son or I didn’t know you modeled for plushies. Something terrible but a surefire way to get a lmao or 🤣 in return. That would spoil the surprise.

She had to win that plushy.

There was a slight problem. The game she’d need to win to earn the cursed doll was a test of strength. A weight sat one side of a seesaw, the other end of which Amy would have to hit with a large mallet. If she could send the weight upward enough to get past a certain mark on the tube it was contained in, she’d get the prize. Otherwise? Well, the consolation prizes were far too well made for Sonic to appreciate.

It was do or die! Time to nut up or shut up!

The booth attendant was a large rhinoceros, and he gave her a quick once over. “Looking to watch your boyfriend embarrass himself, missy?” He grinned.

Amy flushed. Why were all the game attendants jerks?

“I beg your pardon?” Shadow snarled, stepping up beside Amy.

“Good, good.” The rhino sneered. “You do better when you’re riled up. Wanna take a swing?” He jabbed a thumb at the prices.

Shadow looked at Amy, quizzically, as he started to take off his jacket.

“No, I’m going to do it.” Amy corrected, though the large plush clutched to her chest wasn’t exactly bolstering her position.

Shadow froze and the rhino chuckled. “I see who wears the pants in the relationship.” Amy’s flush deepened and Shadow growled low in his throat. “Step up, little lady, and take a swing. We have some really cute prizes just for giving it a try. You do have to get the mallet head off the ground though. You sure you can do that?”

The rhino’s comments were stoking a fire in Amy. He was trying to make her angry, but she wasn’t really sure that seeing red would make her any stronger. Still, worth a try, she guessed.

“I’m going to do more than that! I know I’ll win because I’ll just imagine your head at the top.” Amy shoved her chao at Shadow and dug in her purse for the requisite cash.

The rhino grinned. “You’re on the right track, but there’s got to be a better face than mine you’d like to smash, missy.” He took her money and handed her the handle of the mallet. Amy gripped it and, when the rhino released it, the head fell to the ground and took much of her balance with it. She squeaked.

“Amy, if you’d-“ Shadow hovered over her.

“I’ve got it!” She insisted, lifting the heavy thing with more effort than she would have wished. She was committed now. Sure, she could back down or give the weapon to Shadow (who surely could win the disfigured misuse of fabric and fluff), but that wouldn’t count! Amy had to win the stupid thing on her own. The integrity of her long running joke turned tradition depended on it!

“Time to get all your pent-up frustration out. What about your man here?” The rhino asked while Amy approached the seesaw. “I bet there’s something he’s done that just burning you up inside.”

“I beg your pardon?” Shadow growled, his quills tensing slightly.

“I bet he leaves the toilet seat up or all the kitchen cabinets open.”

“Watch it, pachyderm.”

Amy tried using Shadow, but she didn’t have much to go on. They had only been together fleetingly. Maybe how he acted during the party? Those memories just made her sad. Punching Sonic? Shadow had been contrite already and vowed to apologize to Sonic the first chance he got.

Behind her, the rhino and Shadow bickered about something unimportant.

She had anger inside her, of this Amy was certain. It was often buried under a mountain of anxiety, but it was there, burning away in some subterranean pocket of her heart. Anger was dangerous. Mistakes were made when under the influence of anger. But this exercise? A perfect outlet for the inferno that had been building all week.

Time for a volcanic eruption.

Suddenly, the perfect face emerged in her mind’s eye. Sharp, dishonest smile. Beady eyes. Stupid camera-ready face.

“You’re-“ With a burst of sudden strength, Amy raised the hammer high over her head, “such-“ the head fell with meteoric force, “an ASSHOLE!” The impact reverberated up the metal shaft and painfully through her arms and body, but the weight fucking soared.

BANG!

The bell at the top sang out, creating a circle of silence around them as sentences were cut short and heads turned. Amy dropped the handle of the mallet, breathing heavily. Did she feel better? Maybe…

Shadow’s eyes were wide in shock and his ears slightly tilted back, the black plush held under one of his arms. “Amy…” He said her name in awe, with something dark and hungry licking at the edges.

“God damn.” The rhino cursed, awestruck, and then clapped. “I didn’t think you had it in you, missy. Bravo! Bravo!”

Amy’s chest heaved. “I want that one!” She pointed at the mangled attempt at a robot hedgehog.

The attendant did a double take. “Are you sure? You can have one of the big ones.”

“The lady has made her choice.” Shadow seemed to have recovered quickly.

The deformed plushy joined the target sheets in her purse and the pair continued their walk. Eventually they reached the end of the festival sprawl and started heading back. This time, now that Amy had stuck her head into every interesting shop already, they walked along the path directly abutting the river.

The night air was gaining quite the chill. Amy’s coat was doing its job well, but she foolishly hadn’t brought a hat and her stockings weren’t up to snuff. Shadow didn’t seem bothered by the cold, nor did he appear to have any warm accessories that Amy could steal. She had the perfect excuse if she wanted to get really close later.

Shadow seemed even quieter than he’d been previously. Amy found he looked at her less, as if suddenly not wanting to meet her gaze. He ran a hand through his quills. The motion seemed to serve a purpose beyond preening. “Is something bothering you?” She asked.

He met her gaze, but took a moment to start talking. “Just now, at the strength game,” His voice was quiet, ”were you…imaging my face?”

Oh! Shadow was moping. “No! Gosh, sorry!” Amy shook her head animatedly.

Shadow visibly relaxed. “That is good news, to be sure.” He even huffed a small laugh. “I suppose I must seem childish, sulking so.”

“Yeah,” Amy goaded, “but it’s cute.”

Shadow gave her a sour look that shifted to concern. “If you don’t mind me asking, who were you imagining? They seem to rank very low in your opinion.”

“Oh…uh,” Amy bit her lip. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to have this conversation right now, but she’d need to eventually. In fact, wait, no, this was probably a good time, actually. She needed to know how Shadow stood on a few things. “Geoffrey St. John.” She admitted.

Shadow stopped short and Amy turned to face him, clutching the plush tightly. He narrowed his eyes at her and entered into one of his long pauses. “I,” he begun finally, in his slow, rehearsed voice, “suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you are so engaged in politics.”

Amy frowned. “Did you watch his press conference from earlier this week?”

“Yes.” Shadow answered, simply.

Amy hugged the plush a little tighter. “What did you think?”

Another pregnant pause. Shadow searched her face as Amy could practically hear the gears grinding away in his head. It wasn’t really a bad thing, right? It was good, actually, that Shadow thought about what he was going to say. Maybe Amy was too used to Sonic vomiting out any and every thought that crossed his gray matter? Maybe this was how an adult behaved.

Shadow deliberating not to answer her questions thoughtfully, but to answer in the way he thought she wanted him to…well, that would be worrisome.

“Rouge thinks-“ Oh, hell no, he’s not getting out of this!

“I asked what you think.” Amy interrupted. “You’ve got to have thoughts, right?”

“Well, yes, of course I do. It’s just that-“ Shadow cut himself off, flustered. “I don’t know if they’re the right ones.” He muttered.

No, no no no. Amy desperately tried to dismiss the chilling thoughts swirling around her brain like flecks in an upturned snow globe. She took a step back.

“Wait, Amy.” Shadow reached out, but his hand froze before making contact with her. “Please allow me to explain.”

“Okay.” She said and waited patiently.

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Shadow sighed and grimaced. “Firstly, the bit at the beginning was rather tacky, in my opinion. One could easily surmise sexual assault charges had been filed against his brother and he’s trying to get ahead of the narrative. Reprehensible, really.”

“But at the same time…” Shadow’s voice grew suddenly small. “I have no grounds…to…” He trailed off, looking away, refusing to meet her gaze.

“There aren’t any charges.” Amy said quietly.

Shadow turned back to her, but now she wouldn’t meet his eye. “How could you know that?” There was a strange core to his question. An alloy of curiosity, suspicion, surprise, and concern. A very tricky metal to smith.

Was she really going to say it out loud? Amy had never actually explained in her own words what had happened to her, not fully. Not even once. She hadn’t needed to. Everyone had known what had happened. Everyone had seen Sonic released. Her testimony hadn’t been needed because everyone knew.

The demon had already been summoned from the past. Geoffrey had seen to that. The question was if Amy could trust Shadow with her story or if she wanted to burden him with it. If she shared with him, would he share his past with her? Did she really want him to?

“Because.” This was a bad idea, wasn’t it? He’s going to know she’s damaged goods. He’s not going to want her anymore. She was sabotaging herself. She was too afraid of the world, of everything, and wanted nothing to change, not really. What she had with Sonic was fine. He’d understand. Besides, he had Promised.

“I’m the one Tumble St. John assaulted ten years ago.” Amy declared. “Geoffrey included him in the press conference to intimidate me because I took compromising photographs of him at Blaze’s wedding.” Her tongue felt numb. The edges of her face tingled, like she was fraying at the edges.

Though Shadow was frozen in place, like someone had pressed pause on a television, his musk grew heavy in the air. “At the wedding…” He whispered. His pupil’s had shrunk to pinpricks and the red of is irises seems to morph in the low light.

“That’s why I screamed.” Amy heard herself saying. “I was so besides myself with fear I lashed out at Rouge…even though she was the one who saved me from Geoffrey.” Amy looked at the ground. The pathway stones seemed to shimmer and morph like the surface of a disturbed lake. She hugged the black and red plushy with increasing intensity, trying to find something solid to moor herself to. Her voice sounded so flat. “Geoffrey threatened to send his brother after me and the press conference not only reinforced his threat, but recontextualized his brother as a…victim.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t-“ Shadow panted heavily, his speech stilted. “Can we- Just for-“ His hand wrapped around her arm, and he pushed her towards the guard railing preventing pedestrians from falling into the wide river. His free hand carded rapidly through his quills. A stress response. Shadow was trying, maybe unconsciously, to comfort himself.

Shadow clutched the rail but did not relinquish his grip on Amy. Instead, he drew her close to him, twirling her in place so his arm encompassed her, her back pressing into his chest. Then he placed her between him and the riverwall, effectively using his body to hide her from sight of the other festival attendees He buried his snout into her quills and took deep, shuddering breaths.

Was Shadow having a panic attack? Whatever it was, Amy didn’t understand it. These things that happened to her were kinda funny in retrospect. Rouge was right. It’s all a big joke. Stupid Omega, thinking she could be more than a moist hole attached to a uterus. It was hilarious. Why wasn’t he laughing. What wasn’t she laughing?

Amy couldn’t help letting herself be led and positioned, partially pliant due to relief that Shadow hadn’t pushed her away, disgusted, and partially due to the overwhelming urge to address Shadow’s distress. And the numbness. It was fine. This was fine. She was a runner. She could run from anything. She could run away from her own feelings.

Bad Omega. Stop thinking about yourself. She’d done this to him. If she’d just kept her damn mouth shut, he wouldn’t be upset or giving off a confusing mixture of pheromones. Amy had ruined their evening.

Stupid, worthless, damaged Omega. This was a fact that she’d proven without a doubt. If she loved him, she’d leave him alone rather than make him suffer her stupidity.

Reflexively, Amy produced a purring noise, but it was very low in her throat and barely audible. Shadow could feel it though and his body began to respond. Slowly his breathing steadied. “I’m sorry.” She murmured. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No.” Shadow said simply, his snout still buried in her forest of curled quills. “Do not think that I ever want you to be silent, Amy.” Her breath caught. “I want to know everything about you, Amy. The good and the bad.” Warmth bloomed in her chest, leading her back into the moment, with him, in his arms. Safe. “Everything.” He repeated, thought his voice was strained with a mix of emotions Amy currently didn’t have the wherewithal to parse.

“You’re upset.” She cringed, her eyes stinging. She had to make it better. Somehow, someway. That was her purpose. That’s why she was alive at all.

“Yes.” He admitted with a sigh. Amy felt his hot breath against the back of her neck. “I have just learned something upsetting. You,” His voice crumpled, “had to watch apologia for your rapist broadcast for the entire City.”

Amy stiffened. “They didn’t get that far.” She wasn’t a perfect victim.

“They?” He growled, not at her.

“Rough and Tumble St. John.” The numbness threatened to return, but Shadow’s warmth enveloping her anchored Amy. “They didn’t get a chance to. They spent so much time arguing who got to knot me first that Sonic was able to save me.”

He was mid race. The big one. The Final. The one that would give him a full ride scholarship to a prestigious university. He heard her scream when no one else did. Sonic abandoned the race. For her.

“Sonic?”

“My roommate.”

Shadow tensed for a moment. “I see.” He said finally. “That one has a habit of placing himself between you and Alphas, it seems.”

Amy hummed in the positive. “It’s going to get him in real trouble one of these days…”

They stood for a long time, Shadow caging Amy against the railing, his body pressed gently to hers, his arm holding her securely. Amy wasn’t cold any longer. His heartbeat at an alarming rate, but as she could feel his, so must could he hers. Slowly, their hearts synchronized, hers tugging his back into peaceful territory.

Eventually Shadow pulled back, releasing Amy. She turned. His face was a mask of misery and his eyes burned in the darkness. “Amy…”

She set the plush to the side and pushed herself back into his chest. He wrapped his arm around her in a warm embrace, untainted by possessive panic. “I apologize.” He said and she enjoyed feeling the vibrations of his deep voice through her chest. “I’ve gotten worked up and made a fool of myself. I am so sorry, Amy. I had no idea.”

I’m sorry, Amy. I’m so sorry, Amy. Everyone in her life was always apologizing. “Of course you didn’t.” She leaned back, meeting his soft, sad eyes. She felt her heartbreaking. She had poisoned him. “How could you have known?”

“I-“ He started to say something, but the words evaporated into a sigh.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s decidedly not fine.” He frowned, a tinge of irritation flittering across his brow.

“It’s fine, because it has to be fine, Shadow.” Amy explained, her gaze falling. “It’s not like I can change the past or anything.” If she could, she’d go all the way back to her conception and not be born an Omega. Okay, that’s a little dark. Might want to take a pause on that line of thinking.

Shadow tensed. “Right.” Again, he released her and they stepped apart. The festival continued unawares behind Shadow. “Does...Rouge know?”

“Yes.” Amy sighed. “And soon everyone will know, I suspect. Geoffrey served up a mystery on a silver platter and they’re probably a million Ribbit users digging into every little crevice of Tumble’s past to find me.”

“I- I can- I could-“ Shadow stuttered, the gears of his mind seizing as he tried to produce something, anything to offer her. “How can I help?” He settled on.

Though his words filled her with a pleasant fluttering sensation, Amy shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do to help myself. I’m still a bit shocked by it all. Rouge gave me a full-time position. She said she could protect me if I stayed close.”

He ran a hand through his quills again. They were getting a little out of shape, but in a wild, rugged way. “Her help will come with a cost. Rouge is going to use you, Amy.” Shadow declared. “We could- I could help you leave the City.”

Amy shook her head. “I’m not running.” She leaned against the railing.

Shadow examined her silently for a long moment. “As you wish.” He said finally, resigned. He moved to lean against the barrier beside her.

Around them rose the City, bright even at night. Above the moon shone in a waning crescent, uncaring, caring, and distant. The festival spread before them as far as could be seen from either side. Jovial citizens meandered and laughed.

If the world took notice of Amy and Shadow’s drama, it made no reaction.

“I’m sorry for ruining tonight.” Amy said. “It really was lovely.”

Shadow sighed. “You haven’t ruined anything.”

She turned to look at him. He was so handsome, but so terribly exhausted looking. An unhappy frown marred his face. “Did you have fun?” She asked. “At least until…just now?”

He turned to her and smiled warmly, but his eyelids drooped. “I enjoyed your enjoyment.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Shadow grew quiet, once again mulling over his answer. Finally, his shoulders sagging, he replied, “I will admit, I was rather stressed even before…just now. I had wanted tonight to be perfect for you…or at least close. But I’ve made a long string of unforced errors and cocked the whole thing up.”

Amy snorted. “Are we really arguing about who messed the date up?”

“We’re arguing?”

Amy turned to fully face him. His carmine eyes were dull. Amy had found another man willing to tear himself to shreds for her…What a stupid talent to have. ”What you like and want matters, too, you know.” She told him.

Shadow shook his head without looking at her. “No, it doesn’t. What I want is- it isn’t-“ He grimaced like the words hurt to say. “I don’t want to want the things I want…The things I desire, the things I wish to do are not…good. It’s just better if we do what you want. Always.”

Amy’s not sure what to think about that. That’s a terrible burden to put on her, but it also meant that, yes, Shadow was hiding himself from her. The question now was how much was he hiding.

“Who are you, Shadow?” Amy asked. He looked at her with sudden terror, his ears wilting. She frowned. That’s not a good start, to be honest. “When we’re alone,” She explained, “you’re the sweetest, kindest person I could imagine. But the moment someone else comes near…you just…frighten me.”

“I’m not a good person, Amy.” Shadow admitted. “I thought I was…thought I had become one…but I was wrong. I haven’t changed at all. I’d just been tamping down the part of myself I’m ashamed of, holding those parts away from myself for so long. But you…I can’t explain it, but around you I lose control and those parts come back.”

“You’re dangerous.”

Shadow’s face crumpled into a pained expression. “I am dangerous.” He confirmed. “But I don’t want to be.” He sighed, refusing to meet her searching gaze, lest she glimpse the soul he cursed so much. “I want to be the person I pretend to be when I’m alone with you.”

“And I want to be the person I pretend to be when I’m with you, too.” It was Amy’s turn to look away, though she felt the heat of Shadow’s eyes on her.

“What?” He asked, disbelieving.

Amy stepped away, turning in place to face him. “Tonight has felt like a dream. Like I stepped into a storybook where everything is perfect. And I wanted to be perfect too…for you. So, I pretended I wasn’t afraid.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

“A little.” She said in a small voice and Shadow cringed. Amy swallowed. “No…not just a little.” The truth burned on her tongue. What the fuck did she think she was doing? Its steely claws slashed at her throat in a bid to stay inside her. Fucking ruining everything, is what. “You terrify me, Shadow.”

His shoulder’s slumped. “I see.” His voice sounded hollow, defeated. Resigned.

Amy’s eyes stung and she blinked. Hot tears broke free. “I’m scared what I feel for you isn’t real. I’m scared what you feel for me isn’t real. I’m scared I’ll lose what little freedom I have. I’m scared you will be the person to take my freedom. I’m- I’m just scared so much.” Tears flowed freely down her cheeks now.

Shadow pushed off the wall and approached, his hand rising. Amy didn’t retreat even has his hands paused so close to touching her face, trembling to wipe her tears away. “Please, may I-“

Something broke inside Amy. “Why do you do that?” She demanded, tears streaming down her face freely. Shadow blanched, taking a step back. “Why do you always ask to do everything? Why can’t you just tell me what you want, Shadow?”

“Amy,” he breathed, surging forward and grasping both her arms, “I have to ask. I have to ask because if I don’t, if I take even a single liberty, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop, if I’ll ever stop until- until-“ He snarled as if the words disgusted him. “I never want to hurt you.”

“If say stop, will you?”

Shadow’s crimson eyes bore into hers, a violent maelstrom of emotions rapidly turning in his depths. “Yes.” He said with conviction he couldn’t possibly have, but Amy accepted anyways.

“Will you make me another promise?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then promise.” Amy commanded.

“I promise, Amy.” Shadow obeyed. “I promise I’ll stop.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then trust me to tell you to stop.”

Shadow’s eyes grew wide. Far away a high-pitched whistle sounded.

Like lightening, Shadow’s hands moved from gripping Amy’s arms to cradling her head and he pressed their mouths together in a deep, all-encompassing kiss. Above them a loud bang tore through the night air as a bloom of red and gold pyrotechnics lit the sky in a massive display.

Shadow pulled back, just a little, and it was Amy’s time to grab whatever of him she could and drag him back into contact with her. As fireworks briefly smuggled day into the night, the pair’s sense only had capacity for each other. Amy was on fire, exploding with the pyrotechnics.

Amy’s fingers laced through Shadow’s quills and his hands clutched her hips desperately, spawning blooms of heat low in her abdomen. More. She needed more. They parted only briefly to gasp before returning to exploring one another. Their first kiss on Monday would live in a special place in Amy’s memory, but this was a different beast. Unmuddled by her heat, Amy could appreciate Shadow clear headed.

She could feel his muscle ripple, and he could feel her shudder. At some point, he pulled back and ran his fingers along her muzzle, wiping away the tears drying there. Amy was so breathless she barely registered how much time was passing or how moist she was getting down below. A minute or a million years, it didn’t matter. This was incredible. She’d never felt anything like this before.

Then, his mouth moved from hers, trailing kisses along her jawline and then down her neck towards-

“Stop.” Amy said firmly, clearly, emphatically. The world poured back in around them like a heavy rain.

Shadow froze, his hot breath gracing the fine fur covering her shoulder right above her Claim gland. His grip on her tightened slightly and he emitted a small, piteous noise. Amy stood frozen, her heart racing. After a long moment, Shadow released her and stepped back, turning away. Both his hands ran through his quills, gripped large handfuls and pulling. He was panting heavily, his shoulders hunched.

Above them fireworks continued to light the sky, the force of their blasts pressing down on them.

Shadow covered his face with his hands, his back to Amy. His broad frame shook. With the effort it had taken to resist Claiming her. With the horror of what he’d almost done. With the exhaustion of the evening and its tumult of activity and emotion. One of them. All of them.

Amy realized something.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Shadow’s waist. He stiffened. “You’re afraid, too.” She said into his back. “Just like me.”

“Yes.” He admitted, his voice rough and strained, all his controlled, careful pronunciation gone, blown away in the gale of his emotions.

What could they do? He’d violated her trust by pretending, but hadn’t she done the same? Why was this so difficult? Why couldn’t she just do the right thing?

Fear

It had always been fear standing in her way. Blocking her path. Hindering her, entrapping her, cutting her off from the world.

And now it was threatening to bar her from Shadow. He was afraid of hurting her and she was afraid of being hurt. It seemed like an impossible equation that could never be balanced. A life of possibilities closed behind another locked door.

But wasn’t that some bullshit?

Amy closed her eyes, but no tears fell. “Stop.” She said firmly, clearly, emphatically. “Stop being afraid.”

Shadow shifted in her grasp, his posture straightening. He huffed and twisted, turning in her arms to face her. Amy opened her eyes and looked up into his. She blew out her cheeks in a ridiculously childish pout. “Remember, you promised.”

He huffed again, but his face softened into a look of abject affection. “You love making a fool out of me.”

“Maybe I love fools.” She countered.

Shadow’s face pinched, his muzzle flushing scarlet. After a moment, he recovered, “Well, there is no accounting for taste.”

Amy blew a raspberry at Shadow and released him. She took a step backwards. “You know, Rouge is right. You are a-“

“Amy?” A familiar voice called behind her and she froze as her veins filled with ice. “Is that you?”