Refraction

While Sonic dashed, Shadow clutched tightly his arms, he intentionally didn’t think about anything.

Contrary to what Shadow (or Tails, or Amy, or Knuckles) said on occasion, Sonic did, in fact, think about what he was about to say or do before saying or doing it. Surprising, right? He just trusted his instincts a lot and tended to go with whatever they came up with (which, come on, was probably because they gave Sonic answers faster than his brain. could you fault a guy for being impatient? {is that a serious question?} a-anyway…). However, there was one exception where his mind went silent and no mulling over of options existed between impulse and action.

The exception was when Sonic was locked in.

And Sonic was locked in.

Sonic’s feet brought him to the pebble-pocked shore of a small, placid lake some hundred odd miles away from the party (give or take. who’s counting? {one hundred thir-} I SAID, who’s counting?). He was already wading into the water, his shoes and socks soaked, when he started thinking again. And he thought the first thing Shadow would like after the time they’d just had was to be clean and, oh look at that, this was just the sort of place for bathing. Good job, Sonic. You’re welcome, Sonic.

Shadow’s fearful crying had ceased at some point and he’d descended into that limp depressive mood he got sometimes when shit like this happened.

And that shit like this kept happening stoked a furious fire in Sonic. It was like the universe was jealous of Shadow’s power and had to slam him down at every opportunity. Sonic shook his head. None of these notions was about a solution, so he ejected the parasitic thoughts free of his mind. There was no use dwelling on the past.

Sonic took them waist deep and then gently lowered Shadow into the cool water. The hybrid offered no resistance, his head lolling like a sackcloth doll’s and his eyes unfocused and dull. Not great, but not the worst, either. It was whatever…

Taking a slow breath, Sonic frowned. He’d seen this before and he would sadly see it again no doubt. Shadow would reassociate eventually and, in the meantime, Sonic would get him cleaned up. Who wants to come back to a cum and blood-soaked body, right? Well, bloody at least. Shadow seemed to have absorbed any cum that wasn’t his own like a weird jizz sponge (let’s circle back to that never {that’s not an option, Sonic} a guy can dream can’t he?).

Careful to keep Shadow’s head above water, Sonic crouched and began to gently rub the black, submerged fur. With a thumb, he massaged the traces of green from the corner of Shadow’s mouth, remnants of Knuckles’ attempt to bite Shadow’s tongue off washed clean. A murky cloud of dirt, cum, and blood broke free and drifted away further into the lake.

Satisfied that Shadow was at least cleaner than he had been, Sonic pulled his catatonic lover back to the shore and laid him down where the soft waves lapped at his legs, but his torso was high and drying. Positioning his head to look up at the night sky, Sonic left Shadow stargazing and returned to the water.

Cautiously, Sonic went as far as his phobia would allow, to his chest, and began cleaning himself. His nethers were wrecked. His memory was spotty after the whole black tentacle monster light show, but they must have fucked a lot. Sonic was no stranger to an all-nighter with Shadow, but damn, he normally only bled this much when he was catching.

Gently, he disgorged his flaccid and abused member from his slit and slowly rubbed off the crusted blood. The poor thing had a purplish hue of internal bleeding as well. Might…might need to take some time to let that heal…Sonic was sore as hell and contemplated going for a run to burn off some of the damage, but then he might not be here when Shadow woke up.

Passably clean, Sonic exited the water and laid down next to Shadow. Propping himself up on an elbow, he pulled off a soaping glove and carded his claws through Shadows quills while he examined the state of his lover.

Shadow was breathing slowly and shallowly, in little whining gasps, tear tracks leading away from his lidded eyes. Sonic had to be patient and focus on the fact that Shadow had felt safe enough to shut down like this rather than getting angry and increasingly violent. Believe it or not, this was progress.

They’d been together for years now and were both well versed in each other’s various coping mechanisms. They both ran away from conflict, both clammed up at inappropriate times, both preferred to fight or fuck over any sort of verbal communication. Amy said they were two sides of the same idiot and Sonic couldn’t really argue. Despite being born so far apart in time, it really felt like they were made for each other.

Slowly signs of life intensified as Shadow came back from whatever dark place his mind had gone to hide. He choked and released a sob before rolling towards Sonic and burying his face into his damp toned peach-colored chest.

“Hey.” Sonic answered.

“Hey.” Came the fur-muffled answer.

“How are you feeling?” Sonic asked an intentionally stupid question hoping to get some sort of reaction. Good or bad, he didn’t care. He just wanted to know where they stood.

“How the fuck do you think I feel?” Oh hey, that was basically baseline Shadow right there.

“Like shit.” Sonic answered truthfully.

Shadow pushed away and glared at him with red-rimmed eyes. “You’re right.” He admitted after a moment, glowering at Sonic’s chest. “Real or nightmare?”

Damn, Sonic’s least favorite game. Shadow’s night terrors we’re just…like…so not fun. He had them less frequently now, but early in their relationship had been, well, kinda a doozy on occasion. Sonic hab woken up to Shadow clawing into his chest with his dagger-like claws or trying to strangle him more than once. Shadow was always pretty sorry about it after he finally woke up and the ‘I’m sorry’ sex was good, so Sonic counted it a wash.

This time though…

Sonic wrapped an arm around black shoulders and pulled Shadow into a tight hug. “Real.”

Shadow shook. Sonic felt the hybrid tensing, desperately trying not to cry or wail or whatever he probably needed to do and Amy would totally tell him to do, but Sonic wasn’t Amy so he remained silent and just let his boyfriend try to protect his pride even though it wasn’t in danger or anything.

Eventually, Shadow pushed away and sat up. “Why does this keep happening to me?”

Sonic propped himself up on an elbow again, his gaze and expression soft. “I don’t know, love, but I’m here.” His heart ached as Shadow’s shoulders slumped and he curled into himself. “I’ll always be here for you.” Sonic reiterated.

“What did I…do?” Shadow asked quietly.

Sonic chewed the inside of his cheek. He 100% just wished Shadow never asked and just let it go. What good would it do him to know what happened when he wasn’t in control? Sonic didn’t hold it against him and Knuckles…well, Knuckles probably wasn’t pleased, but he’d come around eventually. No harm, no foul, right?

But Shadow had asked and Sonic had to give some sort of answer.

“Okay, so first,” Sonic started, “that wasn’t you.” Shadow growled but didn’t seem to have the energy to argue with Sonic’s apologetics. “What do you remember?” He asked softly.

Shadow’s face softened and he looked away. “Not much. I remember holding the green Chaos Emerald and the next moment I was staring down a flushed and pissed echidna with you in my ass. Absolutely nothing in between and that is terrifying me.” His crimson eyes are warped by guilt when he returned his gaze to Sonic. “Please, Sonic. What did I do?”

Sonic swallowed heavily. Shit, is there a way he could wiggle out of this? He was resisting a mighty strong impulse to run (don’t you dare, Sonic) and he was so tired. He’d been Super just a few hours ago, then this whole shitshow happened…Sonic was going to sleep for a week after this. Or for as long as he could before it was time to serve whoever was messing with Shadow an ass whopping.

“Is there any way I can convince you to be patient for an answer? I’m pretty beat, Shads…” Sonic immediately wished he’d just kept his mouth shut as he watched Shadow’s guilt tear the black male to shreds. “Stop beating yourself up over something that’s not your fault.” Sonic huffed. God’s, he was really tired…

Guilt morphed to fury instantly. “Don’t tell me how to feel, Sonic!” Shadow hissed.

Sonic’s ears pinned back aggressively and his eyes went wide with affront.

Oh, don’t you dare (calm down)! Where did he get off saying something like that (seriously dude, calm down) after what Sonic just had to endure? (Stop, stop, stop, stop {fucking let it go}) The fucking gall! Something dark and staticky bloomed in his chest (oh shit) and Sonic shuddered.

Shadow’s brow pinched, fury tempered as confusion entered the chat.

He needed to calm down. He had to calm down. Everything was fine. Everything was cool. Fine and cool. Fine and cool. So totally fine and cool and it would always be that way.

The darkness faded away like a nightmare in the light of day.

Unfortunately, while most of his mental faculties were busy, his mouth decided to take liberties. “What the hell do you expect me to do when you’re just grinding yourself up for no reason?” Sonic snapped. (fucking idiot {given the circumstances, might just give yourself a pass on this one})

Fury reignited in Shadow’s glowing red eyes. “No reason? No reason!? I raped you, Sonic!”

Crap. This wasn’t going like he’d hoped at all. (Think dumbass! Amy’s lectured you about deescalation for, like, hours {five or six hours over the course of a couple dozen lectures}) Shit, what was he supposed to do? (Fuck if I remember [shit, me neither {I cannot with you right now, Sonic. Focus}])

Welp, time to wing it. “No, you didn’t.” Sonic reiterated.

Shadow rolled away, exclaiming in frustration. “Someone did using me!” His eyes squeezed shut. “If I hadn’t been there, nothing would have happened to you or Knuckles. I’m an attractive nuisance…” Attractive is right (Right? {dude, not the time!} Sorry).

“Hey, look.” Sonic sat up and took Shadow’s hand between his. “I love you.” When Shadow wouldn’t meet his gaze, Sonic reached forward and caught his chin, forcing his lover to look him in the eye. “Shadow, I love you. Every day I wake up wanting nothing more than to be besides you. Even if weird, fucked up stuff happens, I’m still grateful that you let me stay nearby. And,” Sonic grinned, “like, so what? Right? Crazy shit happens to me all the time, too. Cripes, you remember when I got all cursed by Dark Gaia and in the middle of putting the world back together we both rutted at the same time?”

Shadow pulled away, but Sonic caught the blush blooming on his cheeks at the memory. “I thought I killed you.”

“Yeah, well, you know I die hard.” Sonic chuckled. “Fuck that was fun though, right?”

Shadow glowered. “You’re such an insatiable nymphomaniac.”

“I mean, if the shoe fits, right?” Leaned towards Shadow, his lopsided grin growing across his insatiable mug, “It just goes to show that when we’re together nothing can stop us. Not even each other.”

Shadow closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “Maybe you’re right.”

(Damn, good job, Sonic. You dodged the ‘describe the terrible things I did to you’ question.) Why, thank you, Sonic. (You’re welcome.) He surprised himself sometimes with his luck.

Shadow sat up. “I just feel so violated…so weak…” He gripped his forearms, his claws unsheathing and digging into his own flesh through his gloves. “No matter what I do, I’m so vulnerable to be taken advantage of, of being used to hurt you or your friends o-or…the whole world.” He turned to Sonic, misery smoldering in his eyes so brightly Sonic’s chest squeezed, “What if that’s all I’m good for? A tool to be used. You and me, what we have, e-everything I try to do for myself, what if that’s the mistake? What if I can never be free?”

Sonic’s ears wilted. He always sucks at quelling these sorts of fears. His go to response of nah, that’s not true, don’t worry about it never really seemed to be what Shadow was looking for.

But!

But, but, but!

It’s okay because Sonic doesn’t have to answer the out-loud questions when he can answer the in-loud ones. Those lofty philosophical quandaries just weren’t his speed. Why are we here? What does it all mean? Fuck if he knows. Does it really matter? Just enjoy the world and the time you’ve got. (He’d gotten a swift punch in the jaw a few times for saying as much, so Sonic had learned to pontificate outside arm’s length.)

Not a day ago Shadow had been perfectly happy to not have the answers to those questions, so that meant that he didn’t really need the answers (Right? Right). What he was really asking was how do I feel in control again? (Oh man, Amy would be so proud of him right now, holy crap!)

Shadow needed to feel strong, to be reminded what he is capable of. Sonic frantically tried to think of some way, any way to make it better. And, let’s be honest, of course his exhausted mind fell on a familiar solution. “Do you want to spar? Or just straight up beat the shit out of me?” He asked plainly.

Shadow considered Sonic’s proposal for a moment, his crimson (and just crimson, thank Gaia) eyes lifting to scan the star-speckled heavens. “No.” He answered finally. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else right now, not even intentionally.” You say that now…(Let’s put a pin in it).

“What about a race?”

“Are you really up for a race right now?” Shadow huffed, raising a brow.

(I’m always up for a race! {But today has been a bit tiring [the sensible thing would be to say no]}) “You know me, Shads.” He grinned like the idiot he was. “I’m always up for a race.”

Shadow scrutinized him this time. “Perhaps a better question would if it was prudent for either of us to race right now.”

“Oh, uh, well, I’m game if you are!” Sonic grinned.

“No, I’m not game.” Shadow returned to his brooding silence, pulling his legs against his chest and burying his face in his arms, further marinating himself in recriminations and self-loathing. He’d sit right there until moss started to grow over him, a singular, unmoving, self-hating miserable stone.

Sonic chewed the inside of his check. He couldn’t not do something. That just wasn’t in Sonic’s programming, to just let shitty things be. He had to try and try and try and try until Shadow either killed him out of annoyance, or something changed.

Time to get desperate.

“You want to top?”

Shadow lifted his head and glared poisonous daggers at Sonic, who in turn tried to look as sincere and eager as possible. The hybrid snarled, but the nasty grimace had no heat with his cheeks flushing and his ears perked and trembling. He hid his face again. “Yes.” Shadow admitted in a small voice.

Sonic’s tail wacked against the pebbly shore as it began wagging up and down. Before Shadow could change his mind, Sonic threw himself at the black body, splaying them out. He eagerly lapped his tongue down over Shadow’s slit and trailed it down between his legs to the hybrid’s other slit. The black hedgehog gasped and arched his back. The reaction was fucking crack to Sonic, who started licking like he was starving (not entirely baseless because he had missed chili dogs at the victory party).

It was only fair, Sonic thought, that Shadow get something out of this whole mess. He’d been doling out orgasms like crazy but apparently hadn’t been home to receive any of his own and this package required a signature. It was cruel, it was an injustice, and Sonic was going to correct the indignity if it was the last thing he did.

Sonic rubbed his thumb in small circles against Shadow’s tiny bud causing black thighs to tremble. The moment his lover’s lower lips started to moisten, Sonic teased the entrance with a finger while his mouth laid siege to Shadow’s slit, the flesh beyond growing taunt as his flexible phallus enlarged. “S-sonic!” Shadow panted, eyes already glassy, “Do you w-want- Should I-I-?”

Sonic stilled and pulled back, the question processing slowly in his mind. Not waiting for his two horny braincells to rub themselves together, he trusted his instincts and took his hesitation as an answer. “No more secret sauce, Shads.” He looked up at Shadow’s flushed face and pursed lips, “Not today at least. Can you control it?”

Under normal circumstances Shadow had complete control of his aphrodisiac, a fact that had always been amazingly fun until today when it became deeply, deeply disconcerting. “Y-yes, I think I can. Is-!” Shadow’s sentence was interrupted by his own exclamation as Sonic set back to work with renewed fervor.

One finger became two blitzing into Shadow’s sopping cunt while his snake of a dick emerged from his slit and Sonic slurped the appendage into his mouth with a wet sucking sound. Shadow screamed, muscles spasming throughout his picturesque physique. His hands scrabbled at the ground and he squirmed and writhed, unconsciously bucking Sonic hard. But the blue blur was a persistent motherfucker.

Sonic gave no quarter. He was fast and he was rough and he was strangely clearheaded and on the hunt for a very particular reaction. Shadow destroyed Sonic on the daily near his rut, getting Shadow to top this close to his heat was a special puzzle. Even when he said he wanted to, the hybrid would often chicken out if he wasn’t put into a very particular frame of mind: that Sonic had to be punished for his audacity.

Shadow’s thighs lifted and gripped Sonic’s shoulders with crushing (painful) force and his hands rose to dig his fingers into Sonic’s quills, sharp claws pushing against reinforced tips to spear into his scalp. Sonic curled his fingers inside Shadow and with his other hand graced the tight flesh of the rear entrance. Shadow’s cock trashed in Sonic’s mouth, doing unspeakable damage to Sonic’s poor uvula, as the speedster wrestled it with his tongue.

When Shadow began to mewl his name, Sonic knew he was in the home stretch. He locked in and took a final breath through his nose and said his prayers before slamming it against the soft fur of Shadow’s belly, taking the prehensile length as deep as he could before humming, flooding his victim with sensation.

Dear Chaos, Shads smelled amazing. Sonic could suffocate right there and then and die a happy man.

All at once the hybrid tensed hard as iron, interiors clenching around digits, penis jabbing Sonic’s esophagus, and released a long, shrill keen underpinned with a clicking noise (that did some really fucked up shit to Sonic’s brain). Hot ropes sprayed down Sonic’s throat while contractions tried to pull his whole gods-damn arm into Shadow’s hungry space.

Sonic worked his lover through it, grinning self-satisfied that he’d manifested both of Shadow’s systems into simultaneous orgasm (which was really fucking hard to do, okay, let’s all be very clear on that. He deserves some real props, okay? {this isn’t about you, Sonic}).

They laid together, a panting blue-black smear on the lakeshore, as Shadow came down. Sonic disgorged Shadow’s member and nuzzled it, relishing in the earthy, salty smell, and looked up through the forest of heaving white fluff. Shadow was destroyed. Completely deconstructed. Reduced to his constituent parts. Eyes unfocused and full to the brim with unfallen tears, mouth open and lips twitching, an uncontrolled exhausted expression contorting his features.

Just blissed the fuck out.

A beat passed, then Shadow started to make that low, clicking noise that could almost be mistaken for a purr if you were stupid. It was the sort of noise that tickled the ancient parts of the brain and screamed fucking run, you’re about to be eaten! But, for a little freak like Sonic, it said get hard, this is about to be fun!

Sharp claws dug into Sonic’s scalp, and he was drug by his quills to the side as Shadow rolled suddenly. Sonic’s face was harshly shoved into the rocky terrain, the claws moving from his head to push down on the back of his neck. A second clawed hand gripped his thigh hard enough to break the skin and wrenched his legs apart. Sonic struggled to breath as something thin and agile entered him without preamble.

Showtime.

So, this was kinda a rare situation and Sonic was just going to roll with the punches. Being flexible was sort of his thing, so he mostly just focused on not suffocating as Shadow’s tentacle slithered inside him and began to thicken at an alarming rate. Fuck, that kinda hurts, now that he thought about it.

Yep.

Shit. Right, he was normally high as a kit on Shadow juice when this happened. Welp…no backing down now.

Shadow had Sonic pinned down so hard the Blue Blur couldn’t speak, but that didn’t stop his quills from flaring and his chaos energy from sparking reflexively. The hybrid took the resistance as a challenge to his dominance and released his own energy. Angry orange sparks crawled over Sonic’s fur and he shivered, the danger so fucking erotic he can barely stand it. If his junk was so thoroughly out of commission, he’d have come by now. It should be illegal how hot Shadow was.

As the hero’s defenses settled, Shadow began to thrust with reckless abandon and Sonic’s vision whited out. Ha, ha. I’m in danger, he thought.

Now, sadly, no matter how hot this little arrangement was, there is no way in hell Sonic was going to come. He was so wrung out that it’ll be a miracle his balls worked anymore after what possessed-Shadow squeezed out of him earlier. Luckily his aggressive partner didn’t seem interested in Sonic’s pleasure as he angrily slammed into him, growling and snarling like a rabid animal, trying in earnest to permanently spear the hero on his cock.

And if that wasn’t the hottest fucking thing, Sonic sure didn’t know what was.

This was unhealthy. Sonic knew it. Of course he knew it. Indulging Shadow’s lust for violence was always a bad idea, but Sonic couldn’t help it. It made Shadow feel better. Why? Who cared? It just did. Was it sick and destructive and generally not a good idea? Sure. No one was arguing this wasn’t.

But Sonic just wanted to make Shadow feel better. So, you know…consequences were for later or something.

When Shadow got close, his hands move to Sonic’s hips and his thrusts whipped his fucktoy up like Shadow was shaking out a rug. Sonic has been thrown around enough by robots, monsters, and Shadow himself enough times to know to just ragdoll. Go limp like an empty burlap sack and ride it out, tenting over whatever sharp rocks he landed on. The last few pounding thrusts probably bruised a lung or cracked a rib. The pain was blinding, but it gave Sonic a disgusting high.

Damn. He might have a problem.

Sonic felt alive. His pain was useful. His pain was meaningful. There was a weird sacredness to it that he refused to really think about because thinking too much about that sort of thing just messes it up, you know? It’s real simple, actually. Shit is bad, Sonic gets hurt, stuff is better. Cause and effect. See? Real simple. He never understood why Tails or Amy or, hypocritically, Shadow got on his case about this. Why can’t they see how simple it is?

Sonic’s body was too busy processing a mild case of shock to feel Shadow climaxing. When his eyes could focus again, he was on his side playing little spoon as Shadow purred and nuzzled the back of Sonic’s abused neck, absently grooming him with soft, short licks.

As was often the case post-Shadow-encounter of any flavor, Sonic felt the urge to talk, but that seemed like a bad idea. But he’d check to make sure. It’s a bad idea, right? (*buffering* { please leave a message after the beep and someone will return your call shortly [I can’t hear you over this concussion someone recently acquired]}) Well, shit. That didn’t sound like a yes.

He started talking.

“So…I didn’t see much, but could you always turn into a big, tentacle-?” (Don’t say ‘monster’. I swear to Chaos, Sonic T. Hedgehog, don’t you say ‘monster’.) “…monster?” (dumb, {fucking, [IDIOT]})

As Sonic should have been able to predict, because it happened a lot, Shadow froze briefly then shoved Sonic roughly away. The spurned hedgehog twisted (a maneuverer that sent stabs of pain radiating through his everything) to see the other push to his feet and back away, a glazed look of terror wrought across his face.

“No, no, no.” Shadow whimpered. “That’s impossible!” He looked horror struck at his hands. “That means-! That means-!” Shit, Shadow was starting to hyperventilate. Good going, Sonic.

Slowly, painfully, Sonic rose to his feet. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, Shadow.” He approached like he was placating a skittish animal. Sonic took Shadow’s trembling hands in his and squeezed them. “I love you no matter what you look like.”

“I never wanted you to see me like that.” Shadow trained his gaze at the gentle water lapping at their feet. Well, at least it seemed Shadow had turned into the tentacle thing before, because explaining it to him was gonna be a lift and a half. “Whatever took control of me knew I could change. Knew how to make me change…”

There he goes trying to puzzle things out again. Really, dude, can’t you not just rest for a bit? Take a breather. Take a load off. Sonic sure wished they could just cuddle and doze for, like, a week or something. He was sore and pretty tired. They would work the problem and figure it out and beat whoever’s ass they needed to, but just not right now.

“We’ll figure it out. I promise.” Sonic wrapped his arms around Shadow, pulling him into a tight hug, and desperately tried the silence the noise part of his mind who wanted to say lewd shit about what they could do with Shadow’s tentacles. “I’m here. I’m okay. You’re here. You’re okay.”

Sonic repeated the four statements a few times softly into Shadow’s ear until the hybrid started to relax. Did Shadow believe Sonic? Who knows. That wasn’t really relevant.

“I hurt you.” Shadow mumbled into the nape of Sonic’s neck. “I hurt you badly.”

“Nothing I can’t walk off. I’m Sonic The Hedgehog remember?” He tried to grin, but he was in a little too much pain, so it was more a grimace. Luckily Shadow couldn’t see it. “It’s going to take more than the thirstiest Ultimate Lifeform to bring me down.”

Shadow chuckled softly. Unfortunately, that little bit of mirth inspired Sonic’s word vomit reflex and he just kept going. Had to make Shadow laugh again, you know?

“Oh man, can you imagine if you were close to your rut instead? You would have cut me clear in half with your diamond-edged jackhammer of a dick.”

Shadow stiffened and lifted away from leaning on Sonic. “I can’t believe you are joking about this. You always act like everything is meaningless, that it can just be laughed off.” (well, except that one time {yeah, when Tails almost- [STOP THINKING]}) “Are you truly so careless?”

Sonic frowned. “I care about you.” Wasn’t that obvious? Sure, Sonic was a bit impulsive and reckless and couldn’t shut up to save his life, but he did care. He cared a lot about a lot of things, chief among them Shadow. It kinda hurt when he was accused of being careless. “Isn’t that enough for you?”

Shadow’s eyes darkened and he pushed Sonic away with a snarl. The speedster flopped over backwards, landing in deeper water, pain cascading though him in a new flood, and he started thrashing. His head emerged and he made for the shore in a panic. Sonic drug himself out of the lake, sputtering.

The soggy hedgehog turned to glare at his lover. “Not cool dude!” Shadow moved past Sonic, entering the lack and swimming out far, past where Sonic could touch. “You can’t be mad at me for saying I care about you!” Sonic shouted at the retreating hedgehog. “That’s just…ugh, what do you want from me?!” Seriously. Misery, maybe? Would Shadow be happy if Sonic was unhappy? That couldn’t be right.

Shadow turned. He considered Sonic for a moment before making a strange face and diving down.

Sonic groaned.

Shadow could be so petty sometimes. Jumping into deep water where he knows Sonic was too phobic to follow? Come on man, seriously? He pushed himself to his feet, pelvis just utterly wreaked and screaming in pain. Placing his hands on his hips, Sonic closed his eyes and took a long slow breath.

Sonic and Shadow’s love language was rivalry and the current medium was stubbornness and patience. Shadow could literally stay submerged indefinitely and, if he thought Sonic wasn’t looking, he could chaos snap out of the pool and get a head start sprinting away. Of the two, Shadow hadn’t had his dick pulled on so much he came blood, so good odds were on the alien outrunning the mobian.

A crap shoot. That’s what this was. No matter how much Sonic wanted to stay glued to Shadow’s side and make sure he didn’t do anything drastic (Chaos, please! just no more suicide attempts, I’m begging you), the waiting game wasn’t his specialty.

Sonic tilted his head back and looked up at the brilliant sky of stars above. What the fuck was he going to do? Sonic’s head was still too fuzzy to formulate any real plan. That’s why he just wanted to rest and recover, because he knew he couldn’t make any inroads on the mystery right now. He was past his limit.

Trudging up the bank, Sonic sank down against a tree and stared at the lake. The surface was nearly smooth as glass under the light of the stars. There was no way he’d catch Shadow in these conditions, so he didn’t even try. Sonic’s eyes fluttered close and he immediately fell asleep.

---

With a flash of orange, Shadow snapped into a darken space. Navigating via his darkvision, he located a dormant chaos drive and powered it on with a pulse of his energy. Strings of lights flickered to life, illuminating the space: a small, but cozy room appointed with a number of Shadow’s favorite objects as well as a large collection of plush pillows and soft blankets. On one wall, blazoned in red, was the manically smiling emblem of Dr. Ivo Robotnik.

Dr. Robotnik had constructed a large number of bases that were then deconstructed by Sonic and his allies. Ever wasteful, the madman largely abandoned breeched and damaged facilities, leaving them empty husks littered with dangers of all varieties. Scattered throughout the world were countless rooms sealed off from the outside world by caved in ceilings or collapsed tunnels. Shadow had merely appropriated one for his own use.

That use being hiding from Sonic.

Sonic had been over every inch of the world save for some extreme locations such as anything under the ocean or especially deep cave systems. Shadow had learned the hard way that Sonic had gained the ability to track his scent or chaos signature over their years together, leaving very few bastions of solitude. This particular chamber was separated from the outside world by no less than thirty meters of collapsed mineshaft. A portable chaos energy powered generator fed an atmosphere scrubber, a heater, and the lights. It was absolutely silent and Shadow dearly loved that quality.

Shadow wouldn’t have ever found this pocket of solitude without help.

Without an Emerald (the thought of which sent a shiver of revulsion through him), coming here had been a risk because he’d had to get very close to snap inside. Sonic would no doubt find the abandoned facility by tracking Shadow’s signature and then pressgang the fox into constructing some device to analyze the wreckage. After this stint, Shadow would have to abandon his bubble of privacy and reconstruct the nest elsewhere.

For as much as Shadow loved Sonic, he hated his fucking guts, too, sometimes in close to equal measure. But that, for better or worse, was their dynamic.

As loathe as he was to admit it, Amy had explained that both Shadow and Sonic possessed a similar approach to interpersonal conflict and Shadow had, over the years, begrudgingly come to agree with her. Outside of combat, both men ran when overwhelmed and the other was stubborn enough to follow at any cost. Then, avoidant partner cornered (and often hissing mad in Shadow’s case), they’d fight or fuck (or a combination of the two) until exhaustion took them both to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

At this point the two differed. Sonic would start spewing words like a broken sewage line until Shadow could construct a coherent description of what the fuck was wrong with him from the ample supply of shit. Shadow, on the other hand, would utter as little as possible and Sonic would play twenty questions to pry the hybrid’s insecurities out of him.

And then they’d make love.

The strategy may not have been the ‘healthiest’ way to resolve an argument, but it worked for them.

Shadow burrowed into his pile of blankets, flaring his chaos energy to heat the cocoon. There he lay and thought. And thought. And thought. Eventually mental fatigue and frustration pushed him into a numb stupor that served as ‘rest’ when he wasn’t cuddling with Sonic.

He’d made no inroads in an explanation for what had seized him so easily and, failing that, had little to base a defense on future incursions. Fuck!

With a whimpering cringe, Shadow wished Sonic was lying beside him.

As infuriating as Sonic’s neurotic need for the emotional impact of every event to be minimized, for everything to return to the status quo as quickly as possible, Shadow sometimes needed the unfounded, idiotic optimism. Staggeringly traumatic events slicked off Sonic like water from a duck’s back while Shadow absorbed them greedily, to a harmful degree, leading to a deadly dearth of hope.

And Sonic was right. The sun would always rise on a new day. They would get up and fight again. Life would go on.

But Shadow still needed some time to either stew in his misery or shove all that shit down and work on a solution. Sonic’s insistence on pausing…well Shadow just couldn’t stand it. And when Sonic was being too much, Shadow had to get away before his anger solidified into something ugly and words Shadow didn’t really mean formed in his mouth.

Of course, Shadow wished it wasn’t like this. Initially he’d denied his attraction to the blue menace at all, convincing himself that such feelings were weakness. When that defense failed, he told himself he didn’t deserve to love or be loved. That argument, too, fell flat in time. Sonic was just too gods-damned stubborn and kept coming back no matter how many black eyes Shadow graced him with. Fuck, the violence seemed to encourage Sonic!

And the sex was good. Fuck, was the sex so good. Sonic was just the embodiment of ‘yes, please’. Nothing daunted him. Nothing. A dangerous ingredient to mix with Shadow’s biology. His Black Arms DNA seemed especially tuned towards domination, procreation, and usurpation. They were lucky that Sonic could take so much, else Shadow’s instincts would have forced him to spread his lust further afield more frequently.

Shadow was fertile. Early on they’d worried about that and talked. Sonic, of course, was game, but Shadow wasn’t. Maybe someday, but not then and not now either. Luckily, as Shadow had control of his aphrodisiac, he could also control his intake or output of sperm. He didn’t have a set amount of eggs like a normal mobian female. Instead an extra organ sat near his womb (which was in name only, so different was it from a traditional womb), inside which foreign genetic material could be mixed with his to form a fertilized egg that he could then gestate.

Thus far, Shadow had rejected all of his body’s attempts to spread the Black Arms. Even in the deepest depths of his ruts, when he was the most mindless, even more so than during his heats even, he had managed to sabotage his sperm. He’d never told Sonic, but Shadow was very certain that his swimmers could and would lodge themselves into Sonic’s innards and force the male hedgehog to bear children, likely resulting in the hero’s death without intervention.

Now, curled into a tight ball deep inside an abandoned Eggbase, mentally worn out, Shadow focused on his body. As he’d suspected, his special reproductive organ was hard at work. Shadow snarled in disgust. Whatever had taken control of him was eager for him to produce heirs. There was no denying that offspring from him and Sonic would be extremely powerful, but with the echidna too?

No matter. He’d simply put a stop to-! Shadow frowned. He could feel the organ processing, but couldn’t…He couldn’t make it stop!

New stabs of terror pierced him.

He was losing control of himself. Again. Losing control again, again, again!

Whatever, whoever was taking everything from him!

His breath came fast and shallow.

No control.

No autonomy.

Always meant to be this way.

Designed to be this way.

Created to be this way.

A tool.

A weapon.

A cure.

Never a person.

Never ever a person.

Shadow ripped off one of his ruined gloves and his claws fully unsheathed. He emerged partially from his warm nest, the cold stillness chilling the sweat trapped under his fur. Biting his lip against the pain, Shadow made a clean slice across his belly, splattering his lap with bright green. His sight blotted out as his blood pressure tanked, but he didn’t need it. Once the incision was large enough, he dug fingers into himself and searched for the traitorous organ.

Every pulse of his heart brought hot blood gushing from the self-inflicted wound, but he persisted. The offending flesh was located and shredded as it was ripped out, taking neighboring tissue with it in Shadow’s careless grip. He tossed the glistening, green-stained offal to the floor where it landed with a wet splat.

Fuck you, whoever you are! I am the Ultimate Lifeform and will not be made to heel.

Of course, the damage would quickly heal, and the organ would quickly regrow, but Sonic and Knuckles’ material would not be present. Shadow sat silently and still as his biology worked to repair itself. His vision returned, the ringing in his ears he hadn’t noticed started to fade. The room reeked of familiar gore.

Shadow would have to be completely abstinent moving forward until this matter was dealt with. Once again Sonic would be the chief antagonist for Shadow, given how maddeningly horny the fool could be (Though if Shadow was being honest with himself, he encouraged Sonic with his own lascivious actions).

He looked at his excised organ as it steamed in the cold air of the subterranean chamber. He needed that inside him. Shadow flinched at the intrusive thought. Where the fuck did that come from? He grimaced, but the contortion of his muzzle revealed how much he was salivating. Oh gods. He needed it back inside him.

Shadow was so tired he struggled to resist the disgusting urge. Yes, he’d eaten parts of himself before. He wasn’t proud of it and most of the instances had been at behest of others such as GUN. But he’d never felt something like this compulsion.

No one can see him. No one will know.

Shadow would know. He grit his teeth, trying to move his gaze away from the slab of flesh and failing.

He needed his strength. He needed to be whole. Stop it, that’s not true. He couldn’t stand being so empty. He needed to be whole, needed to be full, needed-! Need-! Need-!

The urge overcame Shadow and before he could stop himself, his fangs were tearing into the tough tissue of his discarded organ. His head buzzed and underneath there was a muted revulsion, a suppressed nausea. His jaw worked, tenderizing and softening, preparing each piece to be swallowed.

Full. Whole. Complete. Ready to serve.

Shadow blinked rapidly, the buzzing haze evaporating from between his ears. His mouth tasted fowl and he gagged. W-what? Had he really-? He stared blankly at his shaking, blood stained hands, one still gloved, one bare. His vision blurred as a new round of hot tears formed. Confusion and revulsion and fear mixed in a disgusting brew in his gut.

Shadow burrowed back deep into the darkness and warmth of his nest, hiding everything and everyone, himself especially.

Time passed. Thanks to his hyper-accurate internal clock, Shadow knew exactly how much, but chose to aggressively ignore the information. He’d leave when he felt like it, most likely once his self-loathing took on a petulant tone and his revulsion at his own self-pity flushed him out for fear he endanger his pride.

A quiet beep served as warning before the hologram of a human child appeared in the space. Shadow was still ensconced and, though he noticed Sage’s appearance immediately, he remained silent and still. He was fooling no one, of course.

“You’re embarrassing yourself.” She said and Shadow groaned. Shifting through the blankets, he allowed his head to emerge. He didn’t want to think about how terrible he looked, his quills askew and fur matted with his blood.

“What do you want?” He growled, glaring at his ‘cousin’.

Sage frowned. “You have been injuring yourself again.” She examined the verdant stain on the floor with a sad expression. “You promised me you would no longer partake in such activities.”

“I wasn’t-“ Shadow scowled, face flushing with shame even though Sage couldn’t know all his sins. “I had to get something out of me.” The girl stared at him passively without replying. “Well, yes,” Shadow relented, “technically I did harm myself, but that wasn’t the objective. I wasn’t…intentionally hurting myself like before.” Shame radiated through him, a sticky, uncomfortable heat.

“Are you well?” She asked.

Shadow snorted. Was he well…what a stupid question. “Well enough.”

Sage seemed to accept his answer. “Sonic has found this facility. You were careless and left a trail of chaos energy. I predict he will gain access to this space in approximately seven hours. Would you like for me to distract him?”

“No, thank you.” Shadow sighed. “I’ll be gone before then. Do you…” His cheeks burned. Gods, why was he like this? He was a damned adult, so why did he feel like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar? His eyes found the green stain on the metal floor where his…Shadow cleared his throat. “Would you be able to…”

Sage understood his fumbled request. “I can assist you in finding a new location in which to hide from your problems.”

Shadow glared at the AI, unsure if he was angrier at her phrasing or at how correct she was. “Thank you.” He said through gritted teeth. He could never shoulder off Sage’s teasing like he could Rouge’s. Something about her bold-faced delivery and immaculate logic cut into him like a scalpel.

She tilted her head. “Research indicates that mortal organics benefit mentally by discussing their memories and associated feelings.”

“I am aware.” Shadow sighed, not interested in where this conversation was heading.

“You are closely analogous to mobians, so one could hypothesize that you would gain a similar benefit.” Sage explained unhelpfully. “Perhaps we could perform an experiment. Would you like to converse about the situation that has brought you here?”

“I would not, no.”

“Why is that?”

“Stop trying to pretend to be my therapist, Sage.” Shadow growled. “You came and warned me about Sonic, so you can go now.”

The hologram flickered. “Judging by the amount of blood drying on the floor, I do not think you should be alone right now, Shadow.”

…She was probably right. “There was…an incident.” Sage waited patiently for him to continue. “I had…a strange reaction to a Chaos Emerald.”

“What sort of reaction?”

Shadow’s cheeks flushed. Sage wasn’t technically a child, but she was young as far as years alive were concerned. “It doesn’t matter. I hurt Sonic.”

“My recent observations of him do not contain any indication of injury.”

“The bastard springs back quickly.” Shadow sighed. Damn Sonic, making Shadow feel like the one overreacting. “I…Something took control of me again.”

Sage held up a hand. “I wish to provide support, but I must caution you from divulging any information to me that Father could use to harm you or your allies in the future. Father is currently processing his grief over the failure of his latest plan to conquer the planet, so I can easily keep hide compromising data from him at this time, but I have no defense against direct queries at a later date.”

Shadow’s ears wilted. Right. No amount of friendliness made Sage any less Eggman’s creature. “Right.” He mumbled bitterly.

“Perhaps we could focus on your feelings during the incident without discussing specifics?” He didn’t have any feelings during the incident because he had no memory of it.

“This is pointless.” Shadow shook his head. “Just leave me be, Sage.”

Sage was unbothered. “I have reframed from visiting you for three days when my sensor picked up you entering this space. I do not believe you should be alone any longer, Shadow.”

Shadow scowled and looked away from her. He’d have to leave to avoid her and Sonic was already casing the joint. Shit.

“If my presence is not therapeutic, perhaps you could engage the aid of one of your closer allies? Rouge has recently returned to her domicile from Angel Island. Based on her body language and basal temperature, she is likely amidst a ‘lover’s spat’ with Knuckles. You and she can consume ice cream and discuss your romantic partners in a dismissive and derogatory manner.” Shadow looked down, contemplating. “The newest season of that television program you both enjoy current going through postproduction. I can procure for you advanced copies of the complete work.” She offered.

That did sound nice. The business with the Doctor’s latest escapade had kept much of his recent interactions with Rouge very focused on the mission. Perhaps a little ‘bitching’ would do him good. Rouge was perhaps the only person with whom he’d feel comfortable discussing the situation with the Emerald. She probably already knew. If the echidna hadn’t told her, then Sonic’s insufferable inability to keep his gods-damned mouth shut had likely made Shadow’s brief enslavement headline news.

“I think I will follow your advice.” He relented.

“I am glad.” Sage smiled gently. “You do not seem to be in possession of a Chaos Emerald. Would you like for me to draw Sonic away from this location, so that you may leave unmolested?”

“Yes, please.” Shadow answered begrudgingly.

“I am always more than happy to help family.”