The Darkness of Eternity

Might want to reread Chp 23 before you tuck into this one folks.

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{SEQUENCE PRE-ARK DECOMMISSIONING}

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[Project SHADOW Audio Log Entry:

From the Personal Records of Dr. Gerald Robotnik-

The fools on the surface have halted my funding. Supply shipments have been cut back to bare minimum essentials until an ‘internal review’ has been conducted. Apparently, the viability of the ARK has been called into question. What utter hogwash! Those neophytes wouldn’t know viability if it spit in their faces!

I know what is happening. Some wretched idiot with exposure to the ARK planning documentation must have put two and two together. The President swore to me this would not happen so long as he and his family had a place saved for them. I find myself woefully lacking in surprise.

The fools on the surface can’t help themselves. It’s almost like they crave extinction!

There is talk of ‘lotteries’. Ha! As if I would allow the future of the human race to be left up to chance. The passengers granted space on the ARK must be curated with extreme precision. The closed ecosystem is extremely fragile even with Shadow and Subject One’s concerted efforts.

But now the fear of inferior men, who know with certainty that they will fail to meet my criteria, seek to wrest control from me? Ha! They have no idea who they are dealing with. If they think they can merely assume possession of Shadow and the ARK, they are sorely mistaken. Those philistines likely believe that my progress reports are accurate and comprehensive. That I am some doddering old fool! Ha! As I predicted, my duplicity is fully justified!

Let them come. Let them brandish their guns and gnash their teeth. There is no success of either Projects without me! No one on the planet will ever be able to fully grasp the complexities of Shadow’s conditioning and biological predispositions. Though I am loathe to admit, there are likely some secrets concerning my greatest creation that even I shall never understand. It pains me that a degree of faith is required to see my Projects to fruition. The idea irritates my ulcers, but I will swallow my pride before the weight of my sacred mandate.

Shadow must be perfect. There will never be another chance. Either I succeed or humanity goes extinct.

Maria has served her purpose flawlessly. Her soft, gentle spirit has provided a fine foil for all the hard science necessary to develop Shadow properly. His attunement to her is flawless and leveraging that connection serves as an easy form of control. He will do anything for her. Which, in practice, means he will do anything for me.

Speaking of which, with this mess on the surface…it might be prudent to acquire all seven Chaos Emeralds ahead of schedule. Though it sickens me, I will utilize all avenues available to me to ensure the completion of Project ARK and Project SHADOW, including threatening…no, including utilizing the Eclipse Cannon. I do not serve any government! I do not serve any singular individual! My master is nothing less than the millions of generations of humans that will exist thanks to my efforts.

I must not tire. I must not lose faith. I must not falter or doubt or give in to the fears of lesser men.

Until my last breath, I will ensure the future of the human race. There is no sin too great, no cost too high. I commit my soul to eternal damnation willingly and happily to ensure that Maria and all her descendants will have a chance to be happy.

My actions are above moral scrutiny. All proclivities bow before the imperative of survival.

I must not give up.

I will not give up.

Audio End]

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Angel Island was a natural paradise. The land below was at the mercy of the sun and seasons, but the unmoored Island traveled the sky in perpetual summer. Knuckles had mentioned before that long ago the Island could be navigated wherever the Echidna directed, but the technology to do so was lost long ago. Now it drifted along a predictable periodic path, joining the list of celestial objects traversing the heavens.

Eternal summer made for permanently perfect conditions for flora. One such location was the vast, unbroken field of flowers in which Amy and Shadow appeared. Amy fought to disregard the nausea of teleportation and took a few steps away. The blooms were so tightly packed it formed a sea of color that spread as far as the eye could see over the swells of hillocks and the troughs of hollows. Clusters of daises, errant black-eyed Susans, wide slashes of asters, explosions of poppies, the occasional clutch of irises, tall shoots of lavender, hordes of dandelions in both phases of their life.

Shadow surveyed the colorful expanse with clouded eyes and brow furrowed, lost in a memory no doubt. Amy took a deep breath of the bouquet. They were miles from the Master Emerald pavilion and in one of Sonic’s favorite places in all the world. Over the years he’d taken them all here at one time or another after some adventure, eager to share the breathtaking sight.

Amy remembered the first time she’d seen the sea of flowers undulating in the breeze. She’d been young and certain Sonic had taken her here to finally express his love for her. Of course, he’d just wanted to show her something amazing, which the field was, but her disappointment had flummoxed Sonic.

Gosh, I’m sorry, Amy. I-I thought you’d like it here…

I’m sorry, Amy.

I’m sorry, Amy.

I’m sorry, Amy!

I’m sorry, Amy!

Her hands balled into tight fists. Sonic loved this place and Amy was about to tear it to shreds. She extended her hand up and summoned her Piko Piko hammer. It materialized and she balanced it against her shoulders.

If there is darkness, find the light.

“Amy?” Shadow’s face tightened with mild confusion.

If there is no light, be the light.

She gripped the handle and her muscles coiled. In a fluid motion, Amy swung her hammer in a wide arc, the force pivoting her round, aiming right at Shadow’s chest. Sudden fury flashed in his eyes, and he dodged back just in time, avoiding the crushing blow by a hair.

“What are you doing?!” Shadow snarled, quills erecting. Blinding you with my light!

“Fight me!” Amy yelled, following up the horizontal swing with a massive vertical one. Shadow leapt back, and a deep hole was pounded into the soft soil of the flower field. A fountain of pulverized yarrow and goldenrod spewed a rainbow of color high into the air.

“No! Stop this!” Shadow slashed his hand to a side. “I’m not going to fight you!”

She launched forward to continue her assault. “Then I’m gonna keep coming at you until you do!” Her hammer tore through the air, forcing Shadow to dip and dodge, lest he get sent flying. “Or are you going to break your promise and run away?” Amy taunted. She was being cruel. She was being unkind. I don’t care. She was letting her heart guide her and it wanted to scream in fury and anguish.

Shadow’s ears pinned back and his lip curled. “Have you gone mad? Do you have a death wish?” It sure looks that way doesn’t it?

His red eyes sharpened and Amy felt a shiver try to break out along the back of her skull, but she forced it away. She smirked. Amy needed this. “I trust you.” She’d beat him into submission with her trust if she had to.

Shadow’s breath caught and Amy exploited the opening, her attack coming fast enough to clip his shoulder. He grunted. “You shouldn’t!” Fuck off. You’re not the boss of me.

“You don’t trust yourself and that’s why you won’t forgive yourself. I don’t have any problem doing either.” Amy flowed with the momentum of her hammer, letting it guide from strike to strike. She danced in a maelstrom of color, each blow producing another explosion of petals. Orange and red poppies, purple and azure bluebonnet.

“You think you can goad me?” Shadow growled. “There’s nothing you can do or say that comes close to as infuriating as Sonic.” He wasn’t wrong, but he was also underestimating how much Amy had learned from Sonic over the years. And how much she’d learned about Shadow via observation.

Amy hefted her hammer between her hands. “I enjoy a challenge.” She dropped her hammer and flowed into a spin, beheading a circle of cornflower.

Shadow glared at her. “You’re ruining the flowers, damn it!”

Amy sneered. “So, what are you going to do about it?” This was fun. When was the last time she had had fun? Amy released her hammer throw, sending the massive weapon right at the hybrid. She was starting to see the appeal of messing with Shadow. No wonder Sonic did it all the time.

Shadow hissed as he rolled sideways to dodged. “Stop this! I will not fight you!” He barked once he was upright once more. Shadow was lying, he just didn’t know it yet. “You’re being childish!” And how!

“So, what if I am?” Amy resummoned her hammer and threw it end-over-end this time. “What are you going to do about it?” For once she wasn’t the adult, wasn’t the mother. Yeah! For once Amy was the flippant child, stubbornly demanding what she wanted until she got it. Yeah! She felt alive, like there was a current running under her skin powered by the beat of her heart. Fuck, yeah!

No response was given as Shadow dodged this time. He persistently refused to retaliate. There was something simmering under the irritation and anger in his eyes.

Fear.

Amy smirked. They were getting closer. Just a little more. It was time to go for the throat. Sunlight was the best disinfectant.

Her hammer returned to her hand and she dashed forward, filling the air around Shadow with tons of crushing force. “You’re worse than Sonic, you know?” Amy called as the hybrid dodged every swing. He never moved to counter or parry. The uneven, flora covered terrain slowed his retreat, giving her openings to exploit. “Going off on your own. Never checking in. Never letting anyone know where you are!” The ground around them grew pock marked with craters and the earth scuffed from heavy boots.

“I have no obligation to inform you or anyone of my location.” Shadow snapped. His movements were fluid and calculated, as if avoiding her assault took little effort. Amy wasn’t insulted. She knew where she stood amongst their team in terms of strength. But in terms of heart?

No one’s heart bled like Amy’s.

“Really? Even when you don’t show up for a planned rendezvous?” Amy condescended. Shadow scowled but raised no defense. She threw her hammer again. He was fast enough to stay out of melee range with her. “Where were you, Shadow? We were all supposed to meet up and face this together.” He dodged her hammer, but this time she’d dashed forward behind it, predicting his movement. “Together!” Amy punched Shadow full in the gut, a flash of pink light flaring over her knuckles, sending the black hedgehog stumbling back a few steps.

Shadow cursed and a spark of his chaos energy arched in his quills. His eyes blazed brightly even in the sundrenched field. Amy drew a deep breath, again forcing away her urge to freeze up. Resisting the paralyzing fear was getting easier, thank Gaia, but she still needed something with a little more bite.

“But you-“ Amy continued, shaking her head back and forth, “You weren’t there, Shadow. You were off on your own again. You always try to do everything by yourself. You think you can handle it all. And you know what?” He glared at her, lip twitching over clenched teeth. “You can’t handle it, Shadow. You just can’t. And when you try to,” Amy resummoned her hammer and pointed it at him with one hand. “When you go off on your own, things get worse.”

They stared each other down for a few moments, the silence growing ripe as the storm of petals settled around them. Then Shadow took a large breath and closed his eyes. The tension in his body evaporated as he slowly released it. Amy frowned. Wait, no! she thought petulantly. Don’t get all zen on me now, gods damn it!

Shadow opened his eyes, and all the anger was gone, replaced by sadness. “You’re right, Amy.” It was her turn to scowl. “I’m brash and stubborn. Arrogant and conceited. I anger quickly and I lash out violently.” He snorted ruefully. “Is this what you want me to say? Confess my many shortcomings? List the many, many ways I’m a failed experiment? Describe how utterly broken and imperfect I am? How I kill everything that I love?” The self-loathing radiating off Shadow made Amy’s heart clench, but she couldn’t back down now. They were both making progress.

“You are the stupidest smart person I’ve ever met.” Amy huffed. “You don’t have to be perfect, Shadow. No one expects that of you.”

“I expect that of myself!” He snapped with a vehemence that made Amy flinch. Shadow blinked, as if the words confused him. “I- I’m sorry. I-“

“You’re wrong,” Amy interrupted his fumbling, “to think you’re worthless unless you’re perfect, Shadow. You have value as you are.” She took a step closer to him. “You always have. No one is perfect. We’re all full of imperfections but working together fills the gaps. Together we’ve got everything we need to solve any problem we face.” She continued to close the distance.

Shadow huffed. “That’s all well and good now, but one day there won’t be anyone else. I’ll be all that’s left.” Hold up.

“That’s not true. You won’t ever be alone, not unless you force it on yourself.” She dismissed her hammer and opened her arms. “I know that when Sonic and I and everyone we know is gone, I know that you won’t be alone. There will be the ones who come after us and the ones who come after them.” She moved to embrace Shadow.

He lifted a hand and pushed her away. “You are so short sighted, Amy Rose.” She blanched and Shadow took the opening to walk past, trudging through a patch of asters. He hadn’t called her by her full name in years. “I’m going to be alone. Sooner or later, I’m going to be all alone. Eventually, nothing will remain except for me and the darkness of eternity.” He lifted his head and considered the expanse of slowly darkening sky.

“Shadow…” Amy turned.

“I am the Ultimate Lifeform.” Shadow said for, perhaps, the millionth time. “Do you have any idea what that means?” He looked at his palm, wicked claws emerging through his fingerless gloves.

Amy sighed. Here we go again. “I think I’ve got a pretty good inkling at this point.” Something something can’t die, yada yada living weapon, promised Maria, ‘this is who I am’, rinse repeat, brood on roof-top.

“No.” Shadow huffed mirthlessly, minutely shaking his head, not taking his eyes off his own palm. “No, I don’t you think you do.” He turned to face her. “Not penultimate. Ultimate. As in last. Final**.**” Shadow snarled the word and took a menacing step towards Amy who involuntarily shifted back.

His quills rose and his voice took on a strange clicking undertone. “Long after that last intelligent iota of life perishes, I will be cursed to watch each star slowly, agonizingly sputter and die until I begin the long, dark wait to bear witness to the heat death of the universe. The years of my life are measured with an exponential number of zeros. You? This planet? This solar system? Less than a blink of an eye.”

Amy, to her credit, did not break eye contact with Shadow, even as he slowly loomed towards her. By the end of his shpiel, he was panting desperately with a wild mix of anger and despair broiling in his eyes. Her heart thumped powerfully in her chest and that tingle under her skin felt stronger than ever.

Yes, perhaps she’d underestimated Shadow’s existential despair. How could one such as she grapple with ineffable subjects like immortality? The challenge made her all the more determined to sort him out. If this was what truly worried him, the darkness that coiled in the back of his mind, Amy had her work cut out for her.

Then Shadow froze and his gaze fell. All the aggression vacated him, his quills and ears falling limp. “I can’t be with Sonic.” He whispered.

Amy wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. “W-what?” Gods damn it, not this shit.

Shadow ran a hand through his quills, his eyes unfocused. “It’s true. I- I kill everything I love. My love is…corrosive.”

“That’s not true!” She closed the gap between them.

Shadow wasn’t listening to her. He fisted his quills, irises shuddering at memories Amy did not share. “It’s too dangerous. I’m too dangerous…” He swallowed. “How could I have ever been so foolish as to think otherwise? I’m so fucking stupid!”

Amy placed a hand on Shadow’s chest and shoved him roughly backwards. He allowed himself to be moved. “No! How can you think that? Just because you think you’ll be alone in the future you have to be alone now? That’s ridiculous! Sonic loves you and you love him!” Amy’s heart was racing. “Why are you so stubborn? Why do you insist on being miserable?” She yelled.

Shadow snorted, his lips curling into a mockery of smile. “Because happiness makes me weak.”

Oh, Amy was getting pissed now. She roughly shoved him to express her displeasure.

“Don’t you get it?” Shadow snarled and Amy retreated a step. “My misery, my isolation. It’s a shield against them!”

“Them?”

“The fucking Hive.” He spat. “It wants to take away my pain and misery in exchange for my mind and soul.” Shadow shook his head. “You have to understand, as long as I suffer, as long as I regret, as long as I despise myself,” He swallowed and his next words came out strained and higher pitched, “it means I’m free.”

Fuck that! “Fuck that!” That makes no sense!” Amy moved to shove Shadow again, but he batted away her hand with a glare. “Misery makes you free? Can you even hear yourself?”

“When I’m with Sonic, even when he’s being the biggest pain in my ass,” Shadow chuckled, short, shallow mirthless huffs, “even then I’m happy. And if I’m happy…” He ran a hand over his face, “I can’t tell the voices of Hive from my own thoughts. And that puts Sonic in danger…” He hugged himself. “I can’t escape it…”

“No!” Amy snapped, her verdant eyes boring into the spiraling hedgehog. She’d thought she’d been angry with him in the past, but she’d been fooling herself. “I don’t accept that!

Shadow rolled his eyes. “As if reality needs your permission, Amy.” He spat.

“Shut up!” She snapped. “That’s just ridiculous. That’s just you trying to keep everything to yourself again, you coward!”

Shadow twitched. “I’m a coward?” A manic spark appeared in the crimson depths of his irises. “Fuck you, Amy! I’m trying to keep you all safe, you stupid bitch! How dare you judge me!” He balled his fist and took a swing at her. Fear shot up her spine as Amy dodged and summoned her hammer. Here we go!

“You’re the same as the Hive, Amy!” He hissed. “Begging for every little part of me. Needling me to death with your demands!” He roared as he lifted his leg and brought his boot down on her in an ax kick. Amy blocked the descending air shoe with her hammer’s shaft, but the force pushed her back, her boots digging furrows in the earth.

“I’m just a project to you! A mistake to be corrected!” Shadow snarled, his eyes glowing and crackles of green energy running along his taunt muscles. Amy struggled to keep her breath even. “A problem to be solved! A threat to be neutralized! A weapon to be exploited” He punctuated each declaration with a fierce blow, each with enough power behind them to split the earth and topple trees. Amy retreated, flashes of Central City trying to distract her from her defense.

Suddenly all the force drained from his blows. Shadow held his fist extended, mid-swing, his pupils pinpricks in a field of glossy crimson. “Sonic is the only one who sees me as a person…Him and Maria.” The fist fell limply to his side and he looked away. “I couldn’t save her and I can’t save him. Not last time, not this time. All I do is make things worse. He’d be better off never having met me.”

“Shadow…” Amy lowered her hammer. “That’s not true. Just- Just trust me with-“

“You’re not entitled to my pain!” He roared suddenly, fangs elongating and the sclera of his eyes flooding with red. Amy gasped and retreated as ice clutched her heart. Run, dumbass, you’re getting exactly what you asked for. Amy gripped her hammer tightly, pulling on the energy that had been gathering inside her, and grinned. She was getting exactly what she asked for.

Amy was not going to squander her second chance to get this right. Time to be the light. She was going to blind the fuck out him.

“I don’t owe you my story!” Shadow screamed, an unearthly undercurrent harmonizing with his voice, and rushed her. Amy dodged, visions of blood and darkness threatening to root her in place, but this time she was ready. Her heart was open and overflowing, dispelling the rain falling through a storm of polychromatic petals, rejecting the dark, destroyed cityscape rising over the sunlit field.

In a flash of green he was above her. “You don’t deserve to know what’s in my heart!” Amy blocked his heel drop with the shaft of her hammer and fled back as Shadow pivoted into a mid-air roundhouse. His quills were growing longer and melting together.

“You have no right to my thoughts!” The punch she dodged bloomed a large crater in the ground, spewing dirt and plant matter skyward. His muzzle was contorted in a snarl, but his red washed eyes were damp. Shadow didn’t want to give away his pain, because he thought that was all he had.

Tough luck for him, because pain was meant to be shared. “That’s right, Shadow!” Amy affirmed before grand slamming him across the field with a resounding PIKO! picked out in pink sparks of energy. Smiling, she raced after his quickly receding form.

The Shadow that rose from where he’d landed was both pissed and quickly losing his hedgehog shape. Undetered, Amy leapt into the air, bringing her hammer down hard. The hybrid caught the falling head, force transferring through him into the ground and creating a fresh crater and fountain of shredded iris. His shitty, smug smirk shrank as a bolt of pink ripped through him and he grunted. “I have no right to any of you. Only you do.”

Amy landed heavily and readied her hammer again. Shadow stumbled back, fingers pressing against his temple. His quills were returning to their normal shape. “The same way you have no right to any of me or Sonic or anyone else.” Amy tightened the grip on her hammer, the energy in her swelling like a newly tapped well. “No one intrinsically owes anyone else anything.” The world, at its basest components, was a cold and apathetic place.

Shadow glared at her, the red of his eyes fading. She felt him move before she even realized he’d disappeared from her sight. Pivoting and swinging based on little more than instinct, Amy twisted to face Shadow appearing behind her, hammer slamming him on the side. “But we give anyway!” She approached him. His form had completely returned to normal, but angry green energy sparked over his pelt. “We give our hearts and our time and our blood and our dreams.” And our love.

He launched at her, snarling, sharp claws extending from his fingerless gloves.

Amy dropped her hammer and opened her arms.

She watched his face as Shadow realized what she’d done. Rage melted into surprise erupted into terror over the course of just a fraction of second. He could not stop his momentum. She felt her chest thrum as Shadow gathered his chaos energy in an attempt to prevent the impending tragedy. Shadow collided with Amy and they both blinked out of existence.

They appeared a few dozen meters away and about a dozen meters up. Shadow gripped Amy tightly and twisted, placing himself between her and the ground. He got his feet under him and activated his air shoes, immolating the patch of lavender below them. Even with their descent slowed, they hit the ground hard and Shadow lost his footing, the pair unceremoniously flopping to the ground.

Amy lay on top of Shadow. She was unharmed except for having the wind knocked out of her from being tackled pretty hard and then haphazardly teleported…and then free falling for a bit, and of course the life or death fight she’d been in the middle of...But other than that, she was honky dory.

Shadow, on the other hand, looked wrecked. She felt his heart thundering inside his chest as he gasped for air. His eyes stared up at the dusk painted sky unfocused and trembling. Amy shifted and he gave no indication of knowing she was even there. “That’s what makes us different than the Hivemind.” She whispered into Shadow’s ear. “It takes. We give.”

Shadow swallowed and blinked, refocusing on Amy’s face. She gave him a warm smile and flicked his nose. Shadow snorted and grimaced. “The hell?”

“Told ya I trusted you.” Amy rolled off the Ultimate Lifeform and sat up, her gloves pressing into the warm soil. She could barely see over the singed stalks of flowers surrounding them.

Slowly, Shadow rose beside her. “That might have been the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do, Amy.” He sounded exhausted.

“Love’ll do that to you.” When Shadow’s head snapped to her, a ridiculous look on his face, she added, “Platonic, you dork.” Amy grinned and Shadow glowered.

The pair of hedgehogs sat in silence for a while, watching the sky blaze deeper and deeper shades of red and orange. “How are you feeling?” Amy asked eventually.

“I should be asking you.” Shadow side-eyed her. “Did the exposure therapy work?”

Amy nodded. “It sure did.”

“You know you could have just told me what you were trying to do.” Shadow grumbled.

She shook her head. “You would have held back if I had.” Amy sighed. “I needed you to come at me like you did in Central City. That was the only way I could be certain I had shaken the fear.”

“I don’t like being used like that.”

“Consider it a down payment on all your IOUs.” Amy smiled. Shadow narrowed his eyes at her, confused, but before he could ask, she pushed to her feet. “Alright.” She declared, looking down at him. “I know you don’t want to give me your pain, so I’m going to give you mine.” She cleared her throat. “Rouge isn’t here, so I’m going to channel her essence a bit. Remember, this comes from a place of love.” She winked at him and made the outline of a heart with her hands over her chest.

Shadow’s brow knitted and he frowned, absolutely oblivious to what was coming to him.

Amy closed her eyes and took a deep centering breath.

Her eyes snapped open, green eyes brilliant with indignant fury. “How dare you not tell anyone about hearing voices!” She yelled and Shadow actually shrank back. “I never thought there would be anyone with less regard for their own wellbeing as Sonic, but no! You take the cake, Shadow! How fucking dare you let things go for so long and get so bad that you have to be gunned down to get a hold of yourself?” No holds barred.

Shadow’s ears pinned back, “I-“

“Shut up! I’m not done!” She gesticulated threateningly. Rouge would hiss. Amy should hiss more. “Do you have any idea how hard I have worked holding the world together? I was responsible for everything while you and Knuckles played summer camp on Angel Island.” Oh, that’s a good guilt trip. Rouge would curse more though. “Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? How disrespectful? We’re your friends! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Amy, I-“

“I’m still not finished!” She reached out her hand to the side and summoned her hammer. “And if you don’t care about me,” Amy huffed, gripping her hammer’s shaft with both hands and rolling it so the head twirled, “then what about Rouge? Tails? Knuckles? Every person struggling to make a difference as the world just keeps burning down?” She couldn’t hold it back anymore. She’d tried, she’d really tried. “You tried to kill me!” Amy pressed a hand to her chest. Going a bit out of the Rouge character. “Do I mean so little to you? Do we all mean nothing to you?” Time to bring it back in.

“I-I-I’m sorry.” He whined, his ears losing their shape and flopping backwards. “I’m so sorry, Amy.”

“Go on and tell me you’re sorry!” She pirouetted and flung her hammer. It shot through the air with so much force that the displaced wind shredded the flowers in its wake creating a colorful tunnel. Okay, now it’s time to bring it back in.

“I’m sorry, Amy!” She resummoned her hammer.

“It’s my fault, Amy!” She threw it again.

“Can you do this, Amy?!” Summoned.

“Help me, Amy!” Threw.

“I’ve messed up, Amy!” Summoned.

“Fix it, Amy!” Threw.

Amy found she was gasping for breath as she watched her hammer disappear into the forest of flowers. With a flick of her wrist, she brought the hammer back one last time and leaned the shaft against her shoulder. Well, shit. That felt good.

“Well, I fucking am sorry*!*” Shadow spat, pushing to his feet. “I’m sorry I killed Infinite! I’m sorry I started a whole fucking worldwide war twice! I’m sorry for making Sage into a malignant cancer! I’m sorry I ran away from Sonic! I’m sorry the planet is menaced by the Eclipse Cannon again!”

“You always think you’re so powerful, Shadow!” Amy put her hands on her hips and swayed them back and forth in rhythm to her condemnations. Bring it back in with the sass. Gotta make Rouge proud. “That somehow everything is your fault! How conceited can you be? Infinite chose to torture Sonic. Eggman chose to program Sage like that. Sonic chose to be a lying twit! Gerald chose to create the Eclipse Cannon!”

“And I chose to attack you.” Shadow sneered, making a go at her patience.

“Yeah, Shadow.” Amy wasn’t having any of it. “When you chose to not tell anyone about the voices, yeah, you sure did choose to let yourself be weaponized.”

Shadow’s anger guttered. “I didn’t mean for any of this to have happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He tried.

Amy snorted. “Are you sure about that?” Luckily most enemies they faced were mechanical. The few times she’d seen Shadow tear through softer foes were gut clenching. Shadow inundated with Dark Gaia energy and eviscerating those night creatures lived rent free in her nightmares, but its prominence above all the other horror’s she seen was granted by the joyful smile Shadow maintained throughout the slaughter.

Shadow froze, his eyes going wide. Despite the warm breeze, his body began to tremor. “No, I don’t- I didn’t-!”

Amy sighed, regretting opening this particular can of worms. “You have to understand who you are. If you don’t, how do you expect to change? How can you know where you’re going, if you don’t know where you are?” She lowered the head of her hammer to the ground and leaned on the end of the shaft. “You’re a sadist, Shadow.”

He flinched. “No, I’m-“ He buried the claws of one hand into his quills, not even attempting to comb the unruly mass, going straight to digging into the flesh covering his skull. “I’m not.” Shadow said in a small voice. “I don’t like hurting people.”

“I’ve spent a large portion of my life watching Sonic. Every move he made, every step he took. I noticed the moment he started looking at you and he never stopped. Like there nothing else on the planet he’d rather stare at. Didn’t mean I wasn’t stupid though.” Amy smiled sadly. “I don’t know why I thought you and I might have a go at it.”

Shadow tsk’ed, “There was no point even trying-“

“Shut up, I’m not done. And I already said I was stupid, okay.” Amy pouted and kicked over a stalk of lavender. “You don’t have to be a jerk about it.” Shadow glared at her but remained silent. “I watched you idiots fall madly in love with one another without either of you having a fucking clue. It took me a long time to figure out why. Not the gay part, of course-”

“I am not gay.” Shadow stated flatly, almost irately. Fucking what, mate?

Amy laughed. “What?”

He looked down and plucked a few stuck petals from his coat. “I’m not attracted to anyone except Sonic. Just him. Only him.” Shadow frowned. “I don’t know what that makes me. And I don’t understand it either. It…It’s like a compulsion. A need I have.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I need him. Even before I understood the feel as love, I still felt like…like he was important. He mattered in ways I couldn’t describe.” Shadow sank down. He ran a hand through his quills and produced a mangled daisy. “I don’t want to need him. I want to love him, desire him, want him…But needing him feels dangerous.” He rolled the wrecked white flower between two fingers.

Amy sat down as well. “You think you’re going to hurt him.”

Shadow bowed his head, the daisy slipping from his hand. “I don’t think so…I know I will.” His face contorted in pain. “I will be the death of Sonic.” In a small voice he added, “Just like I was for Maria.”

Amy took a deep breath. She was just going to put all her cards on the table. “You like violence because it makes you feel like you’re worth something.” Shadow’s ears twitched, but he didn’t deny it. “You like destruction and tearing things to shreds because that’s what silences the voice in your head that tells you you’ve failed, that you’re not fulfilling your purpose.”

How many years had she been thinking about this? If Shadow had a compulsion to need Sonic, Amy had a compulsion to understand those around her on an atomic level. Careful observation, careful consideration. “Sonic is the exact same way.” She continued. “He’s thrown himself into danger so much he doesn’t know who he is without it. He’s gotten hurt being a hero so many times that pain has become a shortcut to the thrill of saving the day for him.”

“That…” Shadow sighed. “Fuck, that makes so much sense.” He clenched his fist. “That asshole is using me.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “You’re using each other. You have to hurt and he needs to be hurt. That’s why you’re both perfect together and why you’re both awful together. Without the other, you’ll both spiral into a deep abyss. Sonic until he inevitably misjudges a stunt and dies and you until you lose yourself completely to despair.” Shadow’s ear twitched. “You need to teach him he doesn’t have to be a reckless martyr, and he needs to teach you to love something else other than duty.”

Amy waved her hand. “There you go. That’s your character arc.”

“You sure he’s not supposed to teach me how to love myself.” Shadow said in a mocking tone.

“Excuse you!” Amy placed a hand on her chest and made an exaggerated insulted expression. “That’s my job, mister!”

Shadow laughed. It was a small, breathy thing, little more than a chuckle, but Amy took it as a win.

Amy flopped down, her arms and legs spread wide. Her muscles ached and she was extremely filthy, but she felt the best she had in ages. “Well, that hit the spot.” Her hammer disappeared in a flash of pink light. “I don’t think I’ve yelled like that in ages.”

Shadow looked down at her, a storm of emotions still raging behind his eyes, but his cheeks were slightly lifted by a minute upward curve of his lips. He blinked slowly.

The two remained silent. Amy closed her eyes and may have dozed off a bit in the heat of the setting sun blazing lower in the sky. Eventually she sat up. Shadow hadn’t moved, just staring off into the middle distance.

“Do you know why you started hearing the Hive after the Time Eater incident?”

Shadow didn’t speak at first. “Yes.” He answered. Amy waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. She was tired of arguing. Time to swap out the tool with which she pried information out of him.

“I remember the scar on your back.” Amy said pensively, “After Sonic’s party. It looked so fresh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an injury stick to you for that long. Rouge told me not to say anything about it, to just leave it be. And it was gone so soon after, I thought nothing of it. But it was more than that, wasn’t it?” She sat up. “What happened to you in White Space?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Shadow said emotionlessly. “It’s over.”

“It doesn’t matter and yet you started hearing voices in your head immediately after?”

Shadow was quiet and Amy didn’t prompt. The silence stretched. Finally, Shadow said, “I fought Black Doom again. I won. It’s over. He’s gone for good.” He said as if reading the lines from a script.

Are you sure? Amy wanted to ask. Instead she said, “Does Rouge know about this?”

“She probably has an idea, but…we’ve never talked about it.”

“Sonic?”

“No.”

“You’ve been carrying all that alone for years, then?” Amy asked. “Never talked about it? Just bottled it up?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Shadow shrank in on himself. “The voices didn’t become distracting until Sonic was taken a few months ago. I was handling it.”

Amy huffed. They had been making so much progress and now he wanted to go back to being a stubborn dumbass? “It does matter, Shadow. Even if you don’t care about yourself, the rest of us have to deal with the consequences. Now we’re facing another Black Arms threat.”

Shadow hugged his knees. “I know.” He said quietly.

“But that’s not really your fault.” Amy absently picked bits of dirt from her fur. “We wouldn’t be if Sage hadn’t called for them. I know you hate her, but I can’t shake the thought that you and her are so similar.” She paused, waiting for Shadow’s inevitable negative reaction.

Instead, he sighed. “I know.” The admission slipped out quietly. “We’re both artificial beings constructed to serve a purpose, made by Robotniks with goals so lofty we had to be made in space. Hell, we even share coloration. It-“ He grimaced. “She is still trapped in her original conditions and I…refused to acknowledge it. Everything I hated about her was just a front to obfuscate everything I hated about myself.”

“She reminds me of you all those years ago…on the ARK.” Amy’s eyes unfocused to watch the memory. “That same…numbness in her eyes. Everyone may say it’s because she’s not a person, that she’s a computer program, but I think it’s covering something up. The same way it was covering something up in you.”

Shadow nodded slowly. “After the ARK incident…after Maria’s death, I didn’t see the Professor for a long time.” He hunched his shoulders and his claws extended, biting into the flesh of his legs. “And when I did, he…did something to my mind. He called it ‘purification’, but I felt blotted out. He- He wiped me clean like I was- like I was just a program he could rewrite on a whim. Like he was just reconfiguring a machine.”

Amy reached over and pried his hands open. “Quit that.” She scolded softly.

Shadow flexed his fingers. “I didn’t have control of my own memories. It’s like he locked me in a room in my mind that only contained Maria’s death playing on loop and an irresistible urge to blindly obey him...and only him. I felt blank.” Shadow stared into the middle distance. “Every memory I have after that feels like a sustained nightmare.”

Shadow closed his eyes. “Whatever they asked of me, I obliged. Emotionlessly. Thoughtlessly. GUN was happy with their weapon. Then they got sloppy. Too many important generals and leaders gathered at the Whiteout facility to celebrate Dr. Winter’s accomplishment.” His muzzle contorted into a snarl. “Subject Two had been recovered and rehabilitated.”

“They were congratulating each other when the Professor leaned down and…” Shadow paused, struggling to get the words out.

“You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.” Amy said softly.

“I depopulated that facility.” Shadow said quickly, as if he didn’t want to miss the chance to release the confession. “We had to flee an airstrike before the Professor was able to retrieve all the Project data, but he encrypted everything. I…I killed a lot of humans before GUN forced me into stasis.”

“Dr. Winter…” He grimaced. “I don’t regret killing Dr. Winter. He would always say Whiteout had two meanings and that it was up to me which was true. Either Whiteout meant to fix a mistake or…There are no shadows in a blizzard.”

“I had no idea.” Amy whispered.

“Even after the Doctor woke me up, I still floated in that hazy nothingness in my mind. I worked to enact the Professor’s ultimate goal without question using anything and everything at my disposal.

“When you talked to me on the ARK, it was like I suddenly noticed a door in my mind and through the keyhole I could glimpse everything in me that had been pushed aside to make room for the Professor’s revenge.” His face relaxed, taking on an almost reverent shape. “And when I went super with Sonic, I regained everything. For those tense moments, I was free.”

His countenance darkened. “But then I fell and everything got all mixed up. The Doctor got ahold of me and mucked about with systems of which he is wholly unqualified. I didn’t recover until I went super to defeat Black Doom during the invasion.” Shadow swallowed. “I’ve never told anyone this before…”

Amy lightly placed a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for telling me.” What more could she say? Shadow had experienced terrible things and lived with the shadow of a resurgence ever hanging over him. Amy couldn’t make it better, not materially, but she could talk and listen and try to help him sort through it all.

“You’re a giver, Shadow.” Amy sighed. “You were made and raised by takers, so all you know is giving. All of your pain comes from giving, so you try to hold back. But that doesn’t work because at your core you need to give. The contradiction is a constant tension. Desiring to give with all your heart and being terrified to do so at the same time. That’s why you fear being alone. You won’t have anyone to give to.”

“So, what am I supposed to do about that?”

“Three really hard things.” Shadow snorted. Amy ticked them off with her fingers. “Overcome the traumas of your past.” Shadow rolled his eyes. “Hey, I did say these were hard. Second, learn to give because you want to, not because you feel you must.”

“And the third?”

“Learning how to give to yourself.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Good thing you’ve got a long time to figure it out. There’s a lot of love and light between and now and- what did you call it?” Amy touched her chin. “The darkness of eternity?”

Shadow shifted and sighed.

“If there is darkness, find the light.” Amy recited. “If there is no light, be the light.”

“Think of it this way.” She gave him the warmest smile she could muster. “All that solitude in your future is just more reason to make warm wonderful memories now. Things change. Nothing stays the same forever. That’s life. You’re in the springtime of yours, Shadow. All of us might just be less than a blink of an eye in your life, but that means your eyes are still open. Live in the light with us and take those memories into the dark.”

Shadow buried his face in his legs and his shoulders shuddered. Amy scooted over and draped an arm around him. She felt completely outside of her depth. Where did she get off telling him how to live millions of years? But she was speaking from her heart and that’s the best she could do.

He looked at Amy, his eyes glistening, and frowned. “You’re right Amy. About everything. If I had- I should have- None of this would have happened if I had just…just been honest with you, with Rouge, with Sonic…with myself.”

“Of course I’m right.” Amy smiled sadly. “I’m a know-it-all, control freak who thinks if she just works hard enough and cares deeply enough, everything will be right with the world, that all her friends will be safe and happy forever.” She snorted. “Sonic has really rubbed off on me.”

“Sonic…” Shadow closed his eyes. “Do you know what Infinite did to Sonic during those six months?”

“Sonic never talked about it…but I’ve settled enough of his panic attacks to know it was unimaginably terrible.” She’d tried not to speculate. “Nothing daunts Sonic, but that man made him afraid.”

“He had to fight you. And Tails. And Knuckles. And…me. To the death. Every day for six months.” He choked. “But I didn’t know any of that when I killed Infinite. No…I just hated him with every particle of my soul. Hated him so I wouldn’t hate myself for letting him get Sonic.”

Amy squeezed him harder. “You can’t blame yourself for that. He still smiles, Shadow. Even after all that. Sonic is resilient in ways that boggles the mind sometimes.” Amy whispered.

“It’s not fair.” Shadow shuddered. “We...we were finally…after so long…It’s not fair!” His hands snaked up around Amy’s encompassing arms and covered his face.

“It’s not fair.” She repeated the sobbing hedgehog.

Shadow dried for an indeterminate amount of time, but eventually he pulled away from Amy. “I’m sorry, Amy. I’m so sorry.”

“I already told you. I forgive you.” She smiled. It was true.

“Just like that? After everything I’ve done? After everything I’ve failed to do?”

“It has to start somewhere, doesn’t it? Without forgiveness, how can there be change?”

“It has to start somewhere.” Shadow repeated absently. He surveyed the destruction their spar had wrought. “We’ve destroyed this field.”

Amy shrugged. “It needed it.”

“What?” He asked incredulously.

“The blooms were getting overgrown and they’d start choke each other to death soon.” Amy explained. “The soil needed some aeration. Knuckles said this field used to be used for crop cultivation. Even with a careful rotational schedule and intercropping, the soil would get depleted without a winter and fall season to give the ground rest. So, the Echidna would set the fields on fire. Burn everything away so the land could rest. Then it would all grow back better than ever.”

Shadow lifted to his feet. Amy watched as he slowly pivoted, beholding far off patches of as of yet untouched flowers. His hands clenched into tight fists at his sides then released and hanging limply.

Suddenly he raised a hand, a chaos spear crackling to life in his grasp. Shadow flung the energy weapon far into the distance to a portion of the field they hadn’t trashed. It landed and exploded in a bright ball of green light. Once the blast had faded, the edges of the crater it had left were smoldering. The embers caught and begot a myriad of flames, each running and jumping from stalk to leaf to petal. Faster and higher the fire grew, spreading voraciously.

As the sun sank below the horizon, they watched the field of flowers burn.