Lemon Butter Pasta

A chapter about making pasta and absolutely nothing else

“Heya Ames!” Sonic gave her a big smile as she opened her front door.

“Sonic! I wasn’t expecting-“ Her cheery face fell as she looked at Sonic’s chest. “What happened? Is that blood?” Her eyes darted around him, concerned.

Curiously, Sonic looked down. Welp, he was utterly filthy.

From the tips of quills to his burned-out kicks, he was coated in ash and bits of debris. His brief dip into the river left his legs a bit cleaner, but his fur was still mussed and tangled. The bruises and bite marks were long gone, but the soot didn’t cover all the dried blood from the previous night’s adventure.

Shit, it would have been a really good idea to run through a waterfall on the way here. “Haha, don’t worry Ames,” He smiled as she let him in, “it’s all my blood.” Amy did not look reassured.

“Would you like a shower?” Amy shook her head at the tracks he was leaving on her welcome mat and floor.

“Oh man, that would be awesome!” He slid out of his ruined shoes. The socks were goners too. Parts of the soles had melted through and taken patches of cotton with them. It was shame because they were already his back-ups from Tails’. Eh, it wasn’t first time he’d run barefooted.

“Go ahead.” She crossed her arms and jutted a thumb further into the apartment. “I’ll put the kettle on and get us some tea brewing. Then you can tell me what brings Sonic the Hedgehog to my home.”

As was his general vibe, Sonic normally took very quick showers. There was something about willingly getting rained on that scratched at his nerves. Tails had a word for it. Crap, what was it. Hydrophobia! Which really wasn’t a good name when you thought about it. It wasn’t like he was afraid of all water. Just amounts large enough to drown in. Maybe there was a word for fear of large amounts of water.

Anyway, today he turned the heat up and took some time to order his thoughts. Not hydrophobia related thoughts. Because that wasn’t what he had. He had the other one, the one he didn’t know the name of but was totally real.

Focus.

Tails was upset, that was clear. Was he upset that Sonic slept with Shadow? Or that Sonic messed up and couldn’t remember the whole thing? Or was it about taking his bed and messing up his sheets? Oh man, there were too many reasons. Sonic scrubbed at his quills and watched the black water run down the drain. Was he mad at Shadow?

It was probably everything at once. Nuts…Okay, Tails was number one on the list.

Then there was Shadow. He had said he’d text, but hadn’t yet. Wait! Shit! Sonic stuck his head out of the curtain and rummaged in his quills. He pulled out his cellphone and shook it. It was wet but the screen still turned on. Close one. He placed it on the back of the commode.

Shadow…He had him in his arms and couldn’t remember it. Idiot! Sonic pressed he head against the wall of the shower and let the hot water rung through his quills and down his back. He should be happy, right? He’d been fantasizing about burying his snout in Shadow’s chest fluff for years. Gripping his firm thighs in my hands, counting his teeth with my tongue, his hands around my throat.

Stop, stop stop, oh shit. Crap, think about something else. You idiot, you’re in Amy’s house, stop being a creep! Sonic grabbed the shower knob and twisted it. Cold water doused him and shocked his body out of where it was eagerly going.

Ugh, he was getting nowhere. Shivering, Sonic vigorously scrubbed the last of the soot and blood from his fur and killed the water. He shook himself at super-sonic speed and exited the shower completely dry, if a bit puffed up. Okay, here’s the list: Patch things up with Tails, get new shoes, wait patiently for Shadow to text like he said he would figure out how to get his memory back.

Outside the bathroom, Sonic found a fresh pair of shoes, socks, and gloves. Sonic smiled, Ames was the best. Check one box off! It was already a productive visit!

“Take a seat! Please don’t mind the mess.” Amy called from the kitchen as Sonic came back into the living area.

Sonic’s gaze swept over the living room. He loved visiting Amy’s. Everything was nicely decorated in soft colors, pictures of her smiling with friends covered the walls, cozy crocheted blankets neatly folded on the plush couch. Being here was like getting a hug from Amy, right when you really needed it.

Her big dining table was covered in stacks of important looking papers forming a landscape around her open laptop. “Tea’s ready. I’ll just be a minute.” Sonic glanced into the kitchen. Amy was working a press strainer with one hand and rapidly typing on her phone with the other. Sonic frowned. Sitting down, he checked his own (still damp) phone.

[Lil’Bro] Shadow is not welcome in my house anymore. I love you but I can’t anymore with that guy. I tried, I really tried. But I just can’t, Sonic.

Jeeze, Tails…Sonic’s heart ached for his brother in ways he couldn’t form into words. This was getting out of hand really quickly. He apologized about stealing Tails’ bed for the night and he apologized for the messed up sheets. And now this? It wasn’t fair to blame Shadow. Tails was normally more levelheaded than this.

Amy approached with two steaming cups and handed one to Sonic.

“Amy,” Sonic began, his ears drooping. Where to even begin? Amy slid into the chair across from him and gave him her full attention. He went to put down his cup, untasted, but found there wasn’t any bare space on the table. “What is all this?” Sonic gestured at the table. “Looks like you chopped down a whole tree here.”

Amy laughed in a tired and weary way. “Oh this. I have a lot of invoices to review. The Reconstruction is coordinating rebuilding efforts all over the world and we use local vendors and contractors to source construction materials and labor. That way all the rebuilt buildings will maintain their original character. It’s good for restoring what was lost, but it’s a doozy when it comes to the paperwork.”

Sonic smiled. “You’re the best Amy. That’s amazing.” Haha, oh Chaos, that sounds like hell.

Amy smiled and waved her hand dismissively while she took a sip from her mug. “I just do what I can, just like everyone else.” She held the mug between her hands and stared down at the rising steam. “It’s not as exciting as fighting, but in a lot of ways, I like it better.”

Sonic looked over the towers of papers. Better than smashing robots? He’d have to take her word for it.

“So,” Amy gave him a concerned look and Sonic smiled bashfully. “I love when you come to visit, but I can’t help thinking you’ve got something on your mind, right?”

Sonic rubbed the back of his neck. Come on, just spit it out. “Well, so, the thing is…idontrememberanythingfromlastnightandapparentlyIsleptwithShadowwhichistotallyawesomebutnowTailsisreallyupsetandIdontknowwhatdo pleasepleaseplease help me Amy!” Smooth, dude. S-rank on that one for sure.

Eyes wide and ears erect, Amy blinked at him in stunned silence. Sonic smiled sheepishly but a cloying dread was clawing up his spine, causing his quills to flare. He stood suddenly, “You know what, I just remembered something I got to do so I’ll just leave and go do it right now.”

“Sit down.” Amy’s voice was soft, but commanding. Like being crushed by a giant mallet made of marshmallow. Sonic sank back down obediently.

Amy closed her eyes and took a slow breath. Opening them, the firmness was replaced with compassion and Sonic felt ashamed for almost running away. Again. Damn, Amy was good.

“That sure sounds like a lot. I can see why you might want to have some help sorting through all that.” She gave him a huge, warm smile. “I’m happy you trust me to help you, Sonic.”

Sonic’s heart swelled so much he felt he might burst at the seams. He didn’t know what he would do without Amy. She was always so kind and caring, a soft, safe space he could always count on. He really felt guilty for all the times he had killed her.

Oh, uh-oh.

Sonic’s heart sputtered and his breath caught.

An intense ringing filled his ears, droning out Amy’s words.

He tried to focus on her face, but everything was starting to blur.

Oh man, what was he supposed to do? There was something he was supposed to do when this happened, but his mind was getting frantic, flittering back and forth across a million little things.

Were the lights flickering?

Blood and tears and pain and hate.

Over and over and over again.

Wake, break out/get freed, reunite, happy, terror/hate/betrayal/rage, pain/sadness/madness/regret, wake.

Over and over. Over and over.

A Ferris wheel dipping him in molten lava. An endless loop like a chainsaw, ripping and tearing him apart.

Quills flared, sharp enough to tear through steel, cutting thorough bone and sinew. Gloves soaked through with bile and blood, bit of bone stuck on his brow. Bit of yellow fur stuck on blue, bit of pink. Black and red, black and red. Can’t do it anymore. Won’t fight any more. Just die. And die and die and die.

Over and over and over and over and over

Could wake up any moment now, back there.

Could all be fake, just like all the other times.

No certainty, ever. For the rest of his life, it could always just be another illusion. Might wake up, back there.

No way of knowing for sure. Could all be a lie, like last time and the time before and the time before-

A hand cupped his cheek and firmly pressed his head against something warm and soft. A gentle hand combed through the fur of his forehead and then back through his quills before returning and doing the motion again. Slow, rhythmic, stable.

“Listen to the beat of my heart.” A voice said, piercing through the ringing. The beat of his heart was racing, pounding him apart from the inside. Focus. The steady beat reverberated through him. “Everything is okay.” Ba-buh. “You are safe and everyone else is safe.” Ba-duh. “This is just for now. It won’t be forever.”

(thisisrealthisisrealthisisrealthisisreal)

The room was coming back into focus. He reached up and hugged the soft, slowly beating thing closer. Ba-duh. “You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do.” It was the sound of the way out. Out of the spiraling darkness of memory. “You’re strong and brave. You’ll still be you when this is over.”

Sonic gasped, sucking in a long-needed breath. His eyes stung and when he blinked a torrent of tears began to flow. He panted. “Everything is alright.” Amy cooed, hugging him gently and stroking his head.

“I’m sorry, Amy…” Sonic whined, but she shushed him.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” She gave him a squeeze. “We should have found you sooner.” He was tired of here that phrase. A sad, guilty frown and ‘we should have found you sooner’. No one, not even Shadow, had the courage to tell him the truth. ‘You never should have gotten caught in the first place. All these frowns are your fault.’

Sonic pushed away slightly and Amy released him. He rubbed his eyes and swallowed. “I’m feeling better now.” He managed a small smile, but he couldn’t look at her just yet.

“I’ll get you some water.” She squeezed his shoulder and left for the kitchen. Sonic blinked. The room was just a room. There was no blood, no metal bars, no cackling, jeering jailors. He felt a dampness in his lap and looked down. He’d dropped the mug and it had shattered against the hard wood floors. Pale colored fluid stretched out in a puddle underneath the table. Sonic sighed. Another mess he’d made.

Amy returned with a glass of water and a kitchen towel. She handed him the glass and then knelt to start sopping up the spilled tea. Sonic pushed back his chair and tried to help her, but she waved him off. “Just sit a moment and take a few deep breaths.”

“I’m sorry, Amy. You’re such a good friend, but I always seem to cause trouble for you and Tails.” And everyone, these days.

Amy laughed from under the table. “We don’t mind. Someone has to look after you while you look after everyone else. Think about all those people you saved from that fire today.”

“Huh, how’d you know about that?”

“You show up black as a chimney sweep and smelling like torched pine needles and think I won’t check my news alert on you? There weren’t any casualties, by the way. You saved everyone, Sonic.” Twisting, she smiled up at him. You’re a hero, Sonic the Hedgehog.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I.” Sonic felt some warmth returning to his chest.

Amy stood up. “Have you told Tails yet about…”She gestured with the wet towel, her other hand burdened with bits of broken ceramics, “your episodes?”

Sonic’s ears drooped. “He’s been so busy lately. I don’t want to give him anything else to worry about. I know he’s not a kid anymore…but I just can’t help it. He’s still my little brother.” He gave Amy a flat smile. “Besides, they’re getting fewer and far between. I’ll be totally better soon. I know I will.”

Amy frowned sadly. “I really think you should tell him. Burdens are meant to be shared.” She went into the kitchen and Sonic followed her. Amy threw the broken mug into the trash and rinsed the kitchen towel in the sink. She turned and leaned against the counter. “So, about last night.”

Sonic looked down. “Yeah…” A massive growl erupted from his abdomen. Oh right, he hadn’t eaten since yesterday and it was…Sonic glanced up and through the window over the sink…nearly sunset already. Shit that’s over a whole day! Tails is going to kill him!

Amy laughed. “Would you like something to eat? I don’t have any hot dogs, but how about I make you some pasta?”

“That would be so cool, Ames. I didn’t realize it was getting so late though. I hope I’m not messing up any plans you had.” Sonic slid into a tall chair at the breakfast bar.

Amy bent down and retrieved a pot from a cabinet. “It’s no bother.” She began filling it with water from the sink facet. “Barry is working late today. There was a problem at one of the robot recycling facilities and he was working to expedite some part from the other side of the planet, I think.”

Well shoot, if they’d just asked Sonic, he could have gotten it there super quick. “You’re not really reliably on hand, so they didn’t even try to reach out to you.” Amy explained, seemingly reading his mind.

Sonic rubbed the back of his neck. That was true, he had been a few time zones over for most of the day. Amy put the pot on the stove and turned on the gas. “How is Barry doing? You guys have been together for awhile now, right?”

As Amy dug around in the refrigerator, she said. “You’re really avoidant today, Sonic.” He cringed. Boy did she have his number. “But I’ll bite. Barry and I have been together for four months, officially. They said they’d been meaning to ask me out for months before then, but with the War and all.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t a good time.” She emerged with a stick of butter, a bulb of garlic, and a small package of fresh parsley.

“Four months…” It somehow felt like forever and a blink of an eye at once. Like the nightmares would always be just behind him, the intervening time just a lose ribbon flapping in the wind between them. Six-month anniversary…

Amy salted the pasta water and then put another pan on the stove. “Barry is doing great.” She poured a dollop of olive oil into the new pan. “They’re doing the same work for the Reconstruction as they were for the Resistance.”

She turned on the burner and retrieved a cutting board. “Apparently, logistics is a pretty universal concern.” Unwrapping the butter, she cut and placed a chunk in with the olive oil. “When I was helping Knuckles run the Resistance, we’d just ask for things to be places. I never stopped to think about how the wispons and supplies got there until I started talking with Barry more.” With the flat of a knife, she crushed a bulb of garlic and peeled it.

A sudden thought gripped Sonic and burst out of him mouth before he could stop it. “Do you love them?” Amy stopped dicing garlic. Sonic bit his cheek. Him and his big mouth. Good job, Sonic, projecting much?

Amy scooped the minced garlic onto the blade of the knife and deposited it into the pan. Wiping her hands on a towel, she turned. “I think I do.” She smiled, one corner of her mouth upturned as if she had just realized it.

Sonic lit up. “I’m so happy for you, Ames. That’s great!”

“Though, it’s strange.” She looked down wistfully. “It’s not the same as what I felt for you, Sonic.” She turned back to her work. The garlic was starting to sizzle in the pan and she gripped the handle and tossed it. “This love, it feels more solid somehow.” She began chopping the parsley into fine green flakes.

“You know, having an imagination can be a curse sometimes.” She reached into a cabinet and withdrew a box of dried angel hair pasta. “It helps so you see all the ways things could be or could have been.” A measured amount of pasta fell into the boiling water. “And that can blind you to how things really are.”

She looked out the window. Her shoulders slumped. “I loved you for so long.” Sonic’s ear drooped. “Or I thought I loved you.” Amy turned and looked at him with a sad smile. “But loving you was like loving the wind. I was chasing something that couldn’t be caught.” She turned again and pulled a colander out from a cabinet.

“I’m sorry, Amy. I never meant to make you feel like that.”

“Please don’t be.” She took a ladle and transferred a scoop of pasta water into the butter sauce. ”Every step in life brings us to where we are now. And I love where I am now.”

“I wasted your time. Wasted your love…I should have told you sooner, before we…I mean I knew it wasn’t going to be right…and I should have said sooner.” He was getting the itch again, but his stomach kept him rooted, entranced by the smell of butter and garlic melding.

“That was my biggest regret.” Sonic cringed and stared at the linoleum flooring. Pink floral patterns. Had it been that bad? “Pressuring you into sleeping with me has been the most shameful thing I’ve ever done.” Sonic’s eye’s grew wide in surprise and he gaped at her back. “I am so sorry, Sonic.” Amy said quietly.

Sonic shot around the breakfast bar and placed his hands on her shoulders. “No, Amy, don’t be. I wanted to. I wanted you to be happy.”

Amy began to turn and Sonic released her and took a step back. She looked at the floor. “But you weren’t happy. I saw your face after and that’s when I knew our paths were never meant to merge, not the way I wanted them to.”

Sonic wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was true. He had thought, maybe if they made love, he’d feel for her what she so clearly felt for him. But he didn’t. After he’d just felt a cold emptiness and itching sense of misplacement. To his relief, Amy asked if they could just be friends. Sonic had been thrilled. That’s what he had wanted all along. They both had just been teenagers trying to figure themselves out.

“I’m sorry, Amy.” Don’t be sad, Amy. Please don’t feel bad, Amy. It’s my fault, Amy. I’m just an idiot, Amy.

Amy looked up and gave him a small smile. “You know, after that, I had a big crush on Shadow for awhile, too.” Sonic’s ears pricked and something sharp and thorny griped his heart. She turned off the burner for the pasta and grabbed some thick kitchen mittens.

“What, really?” Sonic smiled, but found he was gritting his teeth a bit. “How’d that happen?”

Amy gave him a sly smile as she picked up the pasta pot and emptied its contents into the colander in the sink. “Well, first of all, I think we both can admit that he is incredibly handsome.” Sonic made a goofy face. Shadow was objectively hot, figuratively and, on occasion, literally. “And, second, after you…I guess I was going through a ‘bad boy’ phase, as embarrassing as that is to admit.” She dumped the drained pasta into the butter sauce and began to stir it with a silicone spatula.

“In the ARK, he listened to me. When it all came down to it, he listened and he changed his mind.” She retrieved a bottle of lemon juice and a block of parmesan cheese from the refrigerator. “And then you and he saved the world. That was pretty romantic.” Squirt of lemon juice into the sauce. More stirring “I thought there was something there, but, in actuality, he wasn’t listening to me. He was listening to Maria.” She pulled a plate from a cabinet.

“He turned me down immediately when I expressed my feelings to him.” Using a fork and spoon, Amy twirled the pasta into a tight nest and moved it from the pan to the plate. “You always would dip or dodge or run away whenever I told you I loved you. He just said he couldn’t return my feelings and that I shouldn’t waste my love on him.” From a drawer, she retrieved a cheese grater and covered the pasta with a dusting of cheese. “If loving you was like loving the wind, loving Shadow was like loving the dark side of the moon. Distant and just as unreachable.”

Amy finished the plate with some parsley. She turned and handed it to Sonic along with a fork. Sonic’s stomach was about to break free and start digesting his other organs. “Oh my gosh, this looks amazing Amy!” She’d made a smiley face with the parsley flakes. It was almost too beautiful to eat. Almost.

Starting before he even sat back at the breakfast bar, Sonic devoured the pasta. Amy kept talking as she rinsed the dishes. “But loving Barry is different. It isn’t as exciting, and I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach that I used to think were essential to love. Barry is always right where I left them. I’m never afraid they’re being torn apart by Metal Sonic or floating off into space after another Death Egg explodes.” She laughed ruefully.

“Compared to Barry, I’m the exciting one, the one always running off and leaving them to worry. But that never bothers them. They love me for it. And I love them for that.” She looked out the window again. It was dark outside now. “The predictability is comforting.”

Sonic was licking the plate clean. “Oh, look at me getting distracted. We’re supposed to be talking about you, mister!” She pointed a finger at him accusingly.

Sonic smiled sheepishly and rubbed butter sauce off his nose. “I guess I’ve got two big problems right now, but I also think they’re related? First is that Tails is really upset with me right now. I did some bone headed things, but I apologized for them. Normally that calms him down, but not this time.”

“Tails is very protective of you Sonic. You’re his big brother. You were nearly joined at the hip for years.”

“I know. I’ve been trying to give him space, you know, to be on his own more. He’s got all these new projects he’s been working on. Crazy smart stuff! I can’t even begin to understand it.”

“I think you may be thinking about it backwards. He’s not upset that you’re smothering him.”

Sonic looked down. “It’s Shadow, isn’t it?”

Amy gave him a small frown. “He’s losing a little more of his big brother.”

Sonic laced his hands together and squeezed. Well, that wasn’t fair was it? Having to choose? Shadow or Tails? There had to be an answer that made everyone happy. He looked up. “Didn’t Tails and Shadow work together during the War? Knuckles said that was how you guys finally found me up in space.”

“I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you this, but I also know neither of them will tell you either.” Amy took in a deep breath. “Yes, I had told you how Shadow and Tails had been partners during the War. What I…neglected to tell you was why they stopped being partners.”

Is this fluff? This is fluff right?