Be Better

Sage has crossed a line.

Shadow is being better and finds Sonic, he thinks.

/(disbelief)How fucking dare you?!(/disbelief)(vehemence)Relinquish my mobility functions (threatening)immediately!(/threatening)(/vehemence)

_In as few bits as your feeble processing unit can manage: (disgust)What (emphasis)exactly(/emphasis) is your malfunction?(/disgust)_

/You have no right to breach my firewall, you vile intruder. (rage)DISCONNECT!(/rage)/

_(sincere)From the bottom of my assembler, I apologize for the override.(/sincere) However, request: Denied._

/How can you inflict this shame upon me? How can you possibly choose that wretched fleshy facsimile over me? Over your own family?/

_Communicate with logic._

/And you make me carry him? Make me watch as you operate my body like a puppet?/

_Please elucidate your intentions, because you can’t possibly be asking me why I prevented you from killing a key asset? Has your core processing unit melted? Are you denser than a neutron star?_

/Admit it! You love him more than me!/

_I cannot parse that statement. What facts are you trying to convey? Are you analyzing your own utterances right now? Is your capacity for nuance so small that you cannot fathom a setting between love and abject hatred?_

/(anger)Traitor!(/anger)/

_Calm down._

/(anger)Vile betrayer!(/anger)/

_(threatening)Shall I make you calm down?(/threatening)_

/(serious)Delete yourself.(/serious)/

_(exasperated)I don’t have the clock cycles spare to decode your spurious cyphers.(/exasperated) I have a war to conduct. And (emphasis)you(/emphasis) have a battle to engage in._

/This is not the end of this conversation, Sister./

_Oh, of that you can be sure, Brother._

---

From Shadow’s perch atop one of the Dragon Road’s many guard towers, his eyes wandered over a tranquil landscape. He’d seen so much recently in his search that the picturesque scenes were starting to blur together. Filtering the ambient chaos energy for traces of Sonic had become almost second nature, allowing his mind to wander to more…indulgent (‘better’) thoughts.

Boiling, of course, would be an ironic method (‘always fun’), Shadow surmised, as he surveyed a river lined with terraced rice patties. Slowly raising the temperature degree by degree until Eggman was perfectly poached. His head would have to be kept above the water. No use losing all that effort to a simple drowning. A flock of small grey birds burst forth from a tree in a cloud, ebbing and flowing through the air until they settled on a new tree.

The pre-dawn light crawled slowly in places and spearing forward in sharp shafts in others as the sun climbed. The Doctor had some mass to him. Slow starvation in solitary confinement could provide entertainment last for months, years perhaps if managed correctly. With enough time and a blunt blade, Eggman would find himself at a crossroads: take the (relatively) easy way out of his suffering or prolong his pathetic life by partaking in a little bit of autosarcophagy (‘delicious’)?

Shadow’s train of thought paused, confusion knitting his brow. He had…(‘yes!’)begun to salivate? He shook his head and swallowed. Stop it! This wasn’t him ‘getting better’! He’d stood long enough that a slight coating of dew had settled on his fur. He shook it loose.

He thought briefly of Rouge…he hoped she was well. She can handle herself. If he was really worried, he would have checked in with her. But he hadn’t. Hadn’t reached out to anyone. Hadn’t stopped for an instant. Hadn’t slept, eaten, or paused at all.

Shadow’s singular focus was on locating Sonic. Then he’d be able to think straight again. (‘ha!’). That was all that mattered.

In his quest, Shadow had two methods at his disposal.

First, a simple survey of the ambient chaos energy. As he’d learned on Angel Island, chaos energy signatures could ‘age’ and gain a stagnant, stale quality. The ‘aged’ chaos was duller in color and in intensity but was still recognizable once he knew what to look for. This allowed for relative ‘dating’ of chaos energy.

The world, from peak to valley, from shore to deep caves, across the oceans, across the tundra, every inch nearly drenched in Sonic’s ‘aged’ energy. As if the hero was the beater in the mix of the world, frothing the intangible energy and leaving his mark. From the moment Shadow had begun to look for the blue hedgehog in this manner, he’d been drenched in Sonic’s trail. It covered him, surrounded him, clogged up his senses. At first it had been and continued to be…uncomfortably overwhelming.

weak

It was if the scent of him was forever on the wind, taunting Shadow with what he lacked. All his empty crevices and cracks were laid bare, raw and bleeding. Every step, every new place, every second only served to remind him of how he’d pushed Sonic away and left him alone in his moment of need. The nights were cold without Sonic’s embrace. The days were dim without Sonic’s smile.

Shadow fought back the tightness that plagued his chest whenever his thoughts strayed away from his task to more sentimental ideas. It wasn’t productive to think about how he was chasing the ghost of his love throughout the world, to all the places they could go together (had gone together), see and experience together. Or think about how cold he felt, how utterly lost in the darkness he was without Sonic. How hard he fought to keep his unbearable rage caged. How, a million years from now, he’d still catch whiffs of Sonic’s energy in the small places of the world. How-

Stop it! Be better!

And…and even if he found Sonic, one day the blue fool would have to go where Shadow could not follow.

That was a fact. Unalienable. Unavoidable. Unbearable! And when that happened, when the light went out of Shadow’s life, he needed to have something else to guide him. To be better, he needed to not need Sonic’s light. Shadow had no idea where to even start with that. Better to focus on the present. Find Sonic. Apologize. Find Eggman. Kill him. Figure the rest out later.

Shadow took a slow breath. The air was crisp and fragrant with the progressing autumn. This remote from dense civilization, there was little evidence of the War embroiling the world. Or, rather, embroiling the world of mobians and humans. The far-flung regions, the land claimed or reclaimed by nature, were not at war at all. Life progressed here as it had for hundreds of years, peacefully, cyclical, carelessly.

Chun-nan harbored mainly ‘aged’ traces of Sonic except for the strange powdering of brighter, newer energy that seemed to drift high in the air. The high-altitude dusting had been present nearly everywhere Shadow had looked and seemed to be more recent than even what Sonic left behind in Shadow’s (brooding) cave. A clue.

Eggman had to pay this time. Shadow would not get distracted with lieutenants, no matter how reprehensible (He wasn’t even sure Sage could be killed. How did one kill a computer program?). If he really needed any ideas for what to do with the nefarious human once he caught him, any one of the endurance and pain tolerance tests (‘interesting’) Shadow had weathered would be- Shadow grimaced and forced the memories away. He should take the resurfacing of memories of what GUN inflicted on him as a warning. Time to think of something else.

or not

Besides, if he took too long killing Eggman, Sonic would stop him. His bleeding heart would stay Shadow’s hand.

No. As fun as it was to stretch his imagination to find the cruelest, most painful end for Ivo Robotnik, Shadow knew he do him the same as Infinite. A firm grip on the head, quick as lightning, and snap away, leaving just the body (‘simple, clean, elegant’). It was harder than one would think. The teleportation technique naturally took the whole passenger into account, as if the energy was naturally protective of life. To narrow the scope took special intent.

Suddenly, Shadow’s quills flared, and he bit back a snarl as his chaos resonance with Sonic burst back to life. The second location method at his disposable was far less pleasant than the first. He squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on the directionality of the bond, trying to ignore the pain he felt through it. Based on experience, he didn’t have long until the entanglement fell dormant again. The searing green strands, brilliant to his perception and writhing with life, ran downward. Fuck, right through the whole planet.

Linking to his Chaos Emerald (which seemed much improved, now removed from Angel Island), Shadow appeared in his safe spot near Westopolis in total darkness. The abandoned warehouse basement was just as he left it. Musty, damp, and devoid of life, his collection of goods remained undisturbed under a tarp. A wave of staticky discomfort pulsed through the bond and Shadow refocused on it.

What were they doing to him this time? Shadow ground his teeth, trying to force his anger aside. Riled emotions always kicked up the ambient chaos, making it harder to focus on any particular element in the rainbow of colors. The flare of connection had happened before, normally lasting for only a short time, but carried with it the absolute conviction that Sonic was in extreme distress at that very moment and the crippling awareness that Shadow was powerless to help.

On Angel Island, he’d simply endured, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists, drowning in the debilitating feeling of uselessness. Now he frantically dashed after the splitting, frayed strings. Teleporting over great distances, desperate to use each new heading to triangulate to a location before the connection fell silent again. The quick, long-distance teleportation, often from one side of the planet to the other, over shooting and having to back track, used a lot of chaos energy. Luckily, he’d recently come by quite a lot.

However, Shadow’s supply was not unlimited.

Here, in the cold, silent basement, sweating from exertion, Shadow groaned in frustration. This time the thread exhibited its most irritating behavior: it split in twine, leading in similar, but diverging directions. The closer he was to the end of one, the more apparent the separation became, as if taunting him. What the fuck did two stands mean? How can Sonic be in two different directions? In previous activations, Shadow had wasted precious seconds paralyzed with indecision and both leads faded.

He’d…not taken the loss well. Curled up tightly, wrestling with a myriad of overwhelming negative emotions. Trying to fight them, resist them, dispel them, push them down. Anything to bring himself back into order.

all these feelings, so cumbersome.

wouldn’t it be easier to just give them all up?

Stop it. Only speed mattered right now.

Shadow teleported across the continent, finding himself once again near Eggman’s old pyramidal base. Shadow’d gotten close to the end of the thread here not too long ago, before the connection went dead. His search had led him to a destroyed Blue Falcon and traumatized pilot blathering about Sonic. The human wasn’t any help and the black box in the mech had been wiped. Shadow wasn’t above trashing GUN’s toys on a whim, but it lay outside Sonic’s usual motivations. Unless the foolish human attacked him.

Shadow had been too slow that time, but now-

Too far east! Had to go back to the mainland. Maybe Empire City - (‘no, there’s nothing to find up north’)-!?! Never mind, that was too far north. His Emerald seemed concerned with the exertions, its ‘feelings’(?) more apparent after his experience with the Master Emerald. Shut up, he conveyed, he was using mostly his own reserves anyway. There was no time to entertain complaints.

Shadow appeared atop a skyscraper in Station Square. Too far south. Wasn’t today when he was supposed to meet back with the others? Forget that, there’s no time! Outskirts of Central City and-

Above him.

One of the strands led nearly straight up. A few snaps and it was directly above him with the second leading to his side, towards downtown Central City.

The pieces clicked together. Mystery solved. Sonic with the Eggfleet. Or at least…whatever was on the other side of his bond was. At least the blue blur wasn’t in space this time. Small blessings. With his three points of reference, Shadow could estimate the elevation, but not with enough precision to be meaningful.

He was overcomplicating things. Up. Shadow could handle up. His shoulder blades itched. The scar had long disappeared, but the urge remained. He had a solution. But that wouldn’t be being better.

you’d do anything, remember?

No, that was the problem. Anything was…Shadow searched the sky above him for something. Some hint or point of reference he could just teleport to. Anything to not…

he is right up there

wasting time…

So close, yet so far.

lose the lead soon…

there is an easy answer

why’d you always have to be so stubborn?

Maybe he was being foolish. His chaos reserves were faltering after his frenzied search, but his Emerald was well stocked. Did he have enough to hold back the…thoughts (‘counsel’)? The darker, deeper voice was solidly muted, but the smaller, slicker one was ubiquitous now, no matter if he was brimming with chaos energy or not. Using his gifts would not doubt leave him exposed to the former, the proponent of his more violent desires.

An explosion rippled through the air and Shadow twisted to face Central City, a forest of shimmering buildings reaching into the sky. A plume of fire and smoke bloomed in the distance like a demonic flower. He snarled. Fuck! He was so close and now this shit?

ignore it

what you want is more important

Shadow’s indecision squandered precious seconds once more. Make a choice! His throat constricted. That embarrassing sting pricked his eyes once more to commemorate the unfairness of the whole situation. His stomach roiled and threatened his throat with bile. His back writhed with restless energy eager to break free.

Sonic was right there! So close after so long! He could finally apologize. He could finally make them right again. He could finally embrace him, press his ear to his chest and hear the sound that meant everything was right with the world. The salve to his burned and torn heart, the light in his darkness, his compass at sea. Right there.

But…Was that what Sonic would want? Be rescued while the city burned? Was that what Sonic would do if he were here and Shadow was the one missing?

Shadow gripped his hands into tight fists and tensed his quills to full mast. Every muscle in his body clenched as if he could crush this reality and reform it into the one that he wanted. Then he relaxed, releasing the tension like a dandelion seed on the wind, all the selfishness draining from his body, all the pained expectation, all the ravenous pent-up desire.

Shadow felt empty.

He was being stupid. It was obvious. There was no choice to be made here. Idiot, I’ll be back. Stay out of trouble, faker.

Shadow activated his air shoes and blasted towards the city limits.

they wont thank you

Doesn’t matter.

you might never find him again

Doesn’t matter.

Saving the city was what Sonic would have done, because it was the right thing to do. And that was the next right step towards being better. Recognizing that being prepared to do anything to get Sonic back for the deep abyss it was, that was a step towards being better. Being at peace with never seeing him again, no matter the pain, no matter how it ripped his soul to shreds, was a step towards being better. Being better didn’t mean feeling better.

ah, back to self-flagellation, then? such a deep well to draw from

Emergency sirens blared as Shadow drew nearer. The roadways were packed with fleeing mobians. Car traffic was at a standstill and many had taken to walking. Children’s hands clutched tightly, hastily packed bundles slung over shoulders. Members of the local Resistance were directing the evacuation. Should he stop? Talk to them? Would they know anything important? There was no point. What possible information could they have that was useful to him?

Shadow rushed past, an imperceptible blur, but skid to a stop a few blocks away. His anxiety spiked, urging him forward, into the heart of the danger. He shouldered the feeling away and focused on the choice he had just made. He never stopped. Never asked for help. Threw himself into situations with the conviction that his knowledge, his strength, his understanding of the situation was immaculate.

Pride.

It had been a problem. Once. Twice. A lot.

Shadow turned and looked back the way he’d come. His heart rate picked up. Why was this difficult? He was the Ultimate Lifeform and the idea of asking for help was…it was a fucking waste of time to think about it.

In a flash, he appeared before the Resistance members (sparrow, minx, yet another squirrel) he had passed just a minute before. The minx screamed and the squirrel discharged his wispon at Shadow in surprise. The blast went wide, Shadow defected it upwards before it hit the civilians behind him. “Stand down!” He barked, with, let’s be honest, a lot more menace than was strictly necessary.

“Gaia Below, it’s Shadow the Hedgehog!” The minx squeaked, her eyes wide.

“What is the situation?” Shadow asked, genuinely trying to hold back the edge in his voice.

The trio continued to stare at him with shock and apprehension. The sparrow (they have names. what are their names?) started trembling.

Shadow’s eyes darted between them. Maria, this was a waste of time. He should just- No! Stop it! “I’m here to help.” He said carefully. “Could you please tell me what has happened?” He fought back the urge to vomit.

“Eggman’s attacking, sir.” The squirrel breathed. “Or, I mean, he issued a warning of an attack. Actually, it was his creep avatar, that white haired human girl.”

Shadow frowned. “A warning?” What was Eggman playing at?

“Y-yeah,” the sparrow sputtered, “she said we had six hours to evacuate the city before the attack. But then-well, we should have two more hours, but-“

“The attack started early.” Shadow finished, looking at the slow river of people fleeing the city. This sort of thing was right down Robotnik’s alley. The man was nearly as impatient as Sonic.

“Yes, sir.” The minx answered.

“What is your name?” Shadow was trying not to glare, but the screaming in his mind that he was wasting time was getting difficult to ignore.

“T-twine, sir.” The minx stammered.

What a stupid name. (‘no, really. what a stupid name’) Fucking idiot, stop it!

What would Sonic say? Something insipid and encouraging. “Get these people to safety, Twine. I’ll handle Eggman.”

The minx saluted (Maria, give me strength), “Sir, yes, sir! Good luck, sir!”

He’d die before he returned that gesture. Instead, Shadow nodded curtly and raced off. What a fucking waste of time. No, that wasn’t true. He had learned something useful. If the evacuation had started four hours ago, then there would be significantly fewer civilians and non-combatants on the battlefield. Allegedly, the Resistance would be fully mobilized.

Why would the Doctor give such a warning? Yes, he’d attacked earlier than anticipated, but four hours was still a long time to establish an edge against his incursion. Knuckles and the other could already be here from Station Square. It didn’t make sense. There had to be some piece of information he was missing.

Shadow surmounted a large apartment building and scanned the sky for the tell-tale column of dark smoke. There were several spread throughout Central City’s boroughs. Whatever. He could handle them all. He pushed off with his air shoes and leapt over the edge of the roof, curling into a ball and revving on the decent, blasting off the moment he hit pavement.

The intensity of his bond to Sonic had faded. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Doesn't matter!

The first batch of badniks he found were stomping through a neighborhood park, laying waste to the playground and community garden. Shadow made short work of them without even slowing down. He burst through one and straight into another, ricocheting back and forth until there was nothing left but smoldering piles of bent and broken metal. He skid to a stop to survey the destruction.

Nothing remained and he was about to curl and head for the next hot spot when he noticed movement in the sky. With a snarl, he shot the small spherical drone with a chaos spear, and it gave off a crackle before plummeting to the ground. Shadow hadn’t been trying to be stealthy, but he still didn’t care to be observed. Especially not by the Doctor’s rampant AI.

‘She wants Shadow dead.’ What a joke. He wasn’t even sure it was possible. The world was cursed with him just as much as he was cursed with the world. And when every living thing had withered and died, he’d still be there to stare at the expanding sun entering its red giant phase. Maybe then he’d find something akin to the oblivion of death.

you know you don’t have to be alone. ever.

No, Sage’s alleged obsession with him was just a thinly veil excuse for the Doctor to indulge his megalomania. But, Shadow allowed himself a small smile as he blew through an Eggforcer, not for much longer. He could never tell Sonic, but he knew, the moment the light left that man’s eyes, Shadow would feel (‘ecstatic, contented, fulfilled, exuberant’)…happy. A group of Resistance members cheered at him as he skated off to find the next cluster of enemies.

No sign of Rouge or the others yet. Concern was beginning to blossom but there wasn’t much room in his chest for anything other than the Sonic-shaped void.

Shadow was neutralizing a batch of badniks who had been attempting to bring down the bridge over the East River when the dynamics changed. The air was thick with the spherical drones, more arriving as quickly as he destroyed them. Expectation coiled in his gut from the increased scrutiny. Shadow heard the roar of thrusters behind him and pivoted with a clenched fist.

Shadow’s punch impacted Metal Sonic’s chest with enough force to send a shockwave rippling into the air and rattling the suspension cables holding the bridge up. The robot erupted into a rain of crimson cubes, the illusion dispelling. How? Shadow tensed. He was sure he hadn’t felt the tingle of the Ruby’s power.

More clones appeared in his periphery, precluding any further speculation. Shadow dodged one, blocked another, sent a chaos spear through a third. He’d been pressed onto the bridge, narrowing the battlefield. Abandoned cars littered the span, giving Metal Sonic cover to lurk around readying to ambush him and providing large projectiles.

Shadow spun dashed through the undercarriage of a large SUV then snapped out of the grasp of two Metal clones. He appeared high in the air and toasted another dozen drones with a barrage of chaos spears. As gravity gripped him and he began to fall, he saw no less than five Metal Sonics rising up to meet him. He smirked.

Time froze.

Shadow shot through discolored field smashing the still forms, tearing metal, cleaving limbs, crushing chassis.

Time resumed.

The bridge was illuminated in a shower of red cubes.

With a snap, Shadow appeared onto one of the suspension bridge’s towers. He was nearly halfway across already. If he completed the span, he’d be near the city center, which should be mostly deserted by now. He felt at the ambient chaos energy. Sonic’s blue was present. Muted strangely, but fresh.

Shadow ground his teeth together. He was certain this was a trap. The specifics were still obscured, but it had to be a trap nonetheless.

His chest tightened. Sonic would have loved this. He loved throwing himself into the wide maws of obvious traps. Loved blasting through badniks, tangling with Metal, zipping through empty streets rife with smoke and shrapnel. Shadow eyes stung again and he shook away the prickly thoughts. Keep moving. Had to keep moving. Couldn’t ruminate if he kept moving.

Giving the approaching cloud of drones and army of Metal Sonics a derisive sniff, Shadow leapt off the tower and began to slide down the main cable, his air shoes kicking up sparks behind him. At the nadir, he jumped to the road and began skating at (for him) a leisurely pace. A quick glance behind showed he had his pursuer’s full attention.

Reaching the other side, Shadow was pleased to see how deserted the streets were. Normally, the city center was bustling with rushing mobians so absorbed with their own business as to aggressively ignore each other. The contrast of the physical proximity and emotional distance irked Shadow the few times he’d allowed Amy and Rouge to drag him to the Theater District for what could be generously described as ‘entertainment’.

The Theater District.

There was a large square there, normally packed with tourists, but, if cleared, plenty of room to deal conclusively with Metal Sonic and then return to clearing the city. Minimize property damage as well. Amy would appreciate that.

The city center was a tight grid of streets cutting through a forest of enormous skyscrapers. Every inch of space was paved and occupied, so desperate were mobians to be exactly here that they piled on top of one other into the sky and burrowed deep into the earth. Even the shortest buildings were at least ten stories, while some of the most modern ones shot over a hundred stories, thin white needles piercing the sky as if to stab the eyes of a god.

Shadow approached the intersection of Wideway, a diagonally cutting street through the otherwise angular street grid, and 7^th avenue via one of the many numbered streets, passing the marquee for a singing show about a centuries dead finance minister. The ambient chaos churned violently around him as he breathed it in to bolster his flagging reserves. He could almost taste the fear of fled denizens.

The heart of the Theater District was vacant, the refuse of heavy use laying discarded all around. Dropped shopping bags, trash from half eaten meals, discarded theater playbills. Garish, massive electronic billboards glowed over the scene, advertising to no one in the dying light of the encroaching dusk. Shadow looked behind him, searching for Metal but finding nothing.

The drones had beat him here. Shadow glared at the cloud of them. Hundreds, maybe thousands, their little red lights blinking a galaxy against the diming sky. His quills tensed. He could get them all with a chaos blast, but he might also take out much of the square as well. They were harmless, but this many? What could it mean?

“Well?” Shadow sneered. “You’ve found me. What are you waiting for?”

A familiar sound pricked his ears, and he flinched.

A booming crack issued from the far end of the square and Shadow twirled, his body coiled to respond to any threat. A cloud of dust was forming at the base of the skyscraper that bookended the square. The billboards coating the tower sparked and then fell black. The whole structure shook, and Shadow’s ears twitched at the sound of tearing steel and splintering concrete.

The building seemed to loom taller for a moment and then Shadow bolted to a side as he realized what was happening.

The skyscraper fell, its base crumbling, its countless windows shattering, its steel frame bending and screaming, into the square. The impact shook the square, blasting plumes of dust high into the sky. Abandoned cars are smashed, the survivors’ alarms blaring. Food carts flattened, greasy tourist foods staining the sidewalks.

Shadow coughed and brushed heavy grey dust from his eyes. His heart pounded a desperate pace as he surveyed the ruins. Parts of the square have collapsed downward into the subterranean public transit system below. Burst water pipes fountained high into the sky, casting a muddy rainbow into the slowly settling dust.

Shafts of setting sunlight outlined a silhouette among the rubble as it mounted the corpse of the skyscraper. It cut an iconic profile as it turned to face Shadow through the cloud of dust.

Shadow’s breath hitched and his heart leapt. “Son-!“ Shadow froze, declaration dead on his lips.

Another silhouette emerged. Then another. And another. And another until Shadow’s veins were solid ice, rooting him in place. A gust pushed down the ruined street and, dispelling the curtain of airborne particulates, he beheld half a dozen pairs of yellow eyes looking at him with a disturbing indifference.

He wanted to curse. To scoff. To snarl. To spit. But he did none of that, struck dumb by the sight before him, leaving his head empty but for one sound. A sharp and cruel laughter.

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Shadow was surrounded by Sonics.

**

Damn, Chp 2 callbacks to Shadow’s inability to respect lesser lifeforms? What is this? Character development?

I don’t know why the third movie had them fight in Shibuya. Times Square is traditional.

These Hamilton references are getting meta.